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Friday, November 20, 2009

It SOUNDS Dirty and It's Not!

You should hear me sing.

And if you ever buy me that beer you’ve been taunting me with, you just might.

I have what is referred to as a “smoky” voice, the product, I suspect, of chronic and untreated (read: uninsured) bouts with both asthma and bronchitis in my early 20s.

In other words, I sound pretty good when you’re drunk.

We have a karaoke machine at home with roughly 600 songs available, and we set it up in the attic for the majority of our parties. The lyrics run on the little TV Amy gave us just for this purpose, and we bawl into the microphone like star-struck cattle.

I’m sure the downstairs neighbors are as enamored of Willie’s renditions of the early Metallica hits as much as he is.

Luckily, we are the landlords.

We have two big parties a year: The Summer Party and Misfit Christmas; and I advise the downstairs tenants – as I do every time – that they have four options.

They can have their own party and not worry about noise.

They can come to our party.

They can get out of town.

Or they can suffer.

I do not feel badly about this arrangement in the least. They, too, throw parties, some of which take place on Sunday nights, complete with the Hanging Cloud of Blue Death on the porch and the bongo-beating at 2:00 a.m.

Why do I mention this?

Mary, a woman who can make me laugh until I fall off furniture, has gotten it into her head that we need a party in February, something to see us through the cold winter months after the glow of The Holidays has died down.

And she has suggested a theme.

At the First Annual Chili Invitation this last September (an auxiliary party) this last September, Mary proposed a Decorate Your Helmet Party.

That's right: it was about 3:00 a.m. when she suggested this. How did you know?

We'll also pause here while you rummage through your head for dirty jokes.

Those of us who had managed to fall up or down the stairs, off furniture or anywhere else at the Chili Party - and there were a number of us - agreed that this was a brilliant idea. We foresaw helmets of various shapes and sizes decorated with sequins, streamers, springs, perhaps small stuffed animals.

Really, the sky is the limit.

Since then, Mary has also come across the Make An Omelet In A Ziploc Baggie recipe.

But of course! What would go better at a party where you wear a helmet than omelets?

Now that we're all sober, of course, the brilliance remains.

Helmets! Food made in plastic bags! People who think they can sing!

I think I'm going to tell the downstairs folk about it today - give them a chance to think about how they're going to decorate their helmets.


ellen abbott said...

Oh karaoke. Certain members of my family love karaoke. They only been able to get me to participate once. I have a limited range (about 3 notes) where I sound good. So I picked House of the Rising Sun. Perfect for me and I nailed it even if I do say so myself.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant theme - decorated helmets... Bike helmets, Viking helmets.. the possibilities are endless.

Elliott said...

I used to have my annual 'post-holiday mania let-down party' in February, because that's when people could actually make it to my party. Besides, February in the great white north? Best time ever to eat, drink and be merry.

Douglas said...

Any idea that sounds as good when you are hungover as it did when you were drunk has got to be great. Just make sure the guests know what helmets you were referring to. Seriously.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

sounds like fun....how do you make food in plastic baggies??

@eloh said...

Alrightly then.....

How about letting us "Pearl Readers" join in.

1. A pool to see who guesses closest to the number of folks who show up in Viking head gear....

2. "Pearl Readers" own competition. You could slap up a quick e-mail address just for this purpose, and we could photograph and e-mail you our entries for posting on a BLOG ENTRY VOTING EXTRAVAGANZA!!!

I volunteer to do the prizes.

Lesley said...

Helmet! teehehee.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

I know how to make omlettes in ziplock baggies...can I come then?!

Jimmy Bastard said...

I'm sure that far too many people in the blogging world have seen my helmet over the years, so hey... put me down for an invite hen.

Brian Miller said...

helmets, omelets and karaoke...oh my! lol.

Carol said...

This party sounds like a blast!

Just don't show that really drunk person whose losing focus the plastic bag with omelet mix ... it could effect them very badly!

mapstew said...

If it's a party I'm there! (Hey there's Jimmy at the bar, polishing his helmet!)

Omelette in a bag? :¬)


Joanie M said...

I wish I lived in your neighborhood!

IB said...

here's a fun party idea:


you're welcome

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Lucky tenants; they know they get to go to 2 (now 3) fun parties a year.

otin said...

Pearl, you should do out of tune tuesday with us at Jules blog, Mean Girl Garage. Check it out on my Tuesday post at the bottom!

tattytiara said...

Haha, that is a fun idea!

Joanna Jenkins said...

That is one party you MUST take and post picture of!!!

Have a great weekend.

My name is PJ. said...

Send Mary over to my place with a bottle of her favorite refreshment so that we can have a brainstorming session!

The Jules said...

Can I come?

I'll wear my omelet helmet.

It's like a pith helmet, only less citrussy.

Barbara Blundell said...

Hi Pearl,
I don't know how to make an omelet in a zip lock bag so please may I come and learn ? ( I already have a helmet I can wear )

Also what a cosseted and pampered childhood ! Hairwash at a kitchen sink and with real running water ?

Serendipity said...

What a perfectly mad idea for a party. Can I come?!

bettyl said...

Too funny!