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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Rolls of Fat and Other Things to Consider

I was sitting at my desk the other day, casually taking inventory of my faults in preparation for the new year (inclined to eat large amounts of chocolate in one sitting without regard to caloric intake; development of new roll around mid-section – perhaps related to uncontrolled chocolate fetish; failure to take up boxing like I had planned; failure to win the lottery; failure to develop long, elegant legs like I’ve always wanted…) when I noticed that I can be hard on myself.

When did this start?

It wasn’t always that way. Me and myself, we used to be pretty tight (please note use of only partially out-dated slang!). I liked me, thought I was funny, thought I had a nice head of hair, knew I could rely on me for those weird Trivia Pursuit-style questions.

But in the last year, I’ve started to question me, my taste in things, people. You know how that goes, right? One minute you’re absolutely sure of who your people are and how you feel about things, and the next minute you’re saying things like “But I’ve always spelled it that way! Are you telling me I’ve been spelling that wrong for all these years?!”

Yes, it’s possible that you’ve/I’ve been spelling it wrong. All these years.

I’ve decided that that’s okay, that there’s still plenty of time to turn this all around.

I don’t normally make New Year’s Resolutions, but I ain’t never had a year like last year, either, so why not just continue on this path of self-discovery? Join me, won’t you, in my quest to figure out the answer to that age-old question:

Where You At?

1. My physical health: As adorable as a little pudge can be, I think my usefulness to the tribe will continue for a while longer before they put me out on an ice floe. No point in storing up just yet.
2. My mental health: Yep. Still there, thanks to dear friends (both on and off line) and yoga. I shall continue to pursue both mental and physical flexibility, which brings me to…
3. Drinking. I shall continue to do that as well, but will try to cut down on the number of people I demand to arm wrestle once properly soused.
4. Writing. Yes. Continue.
5. As a side-note to the writing and in deference to paying more attention to my physical health, I shall endeavor to no longer continue to write once I realize I should run to the bathroom. I know I’m not alone out there! Show of hands: how many people continue to work on the computer well after having been informed by their body that they need a break?!

Anyway, that’s my plan for the year. I’m going to be way nicer to me.

What about you? Are you going to be way nicer to me, too?


Skywalker said...

Nope my goal is to be mean as hell this year - at least to the kids who attend Mass but still manage to hold a conversation during it.

I do plan on working on mental and physical well being.

Pearl said...

Hey, Skywalker, a plan's a plan! :-)

darsden said...

I feel ya Pearl... didn't really realize what a "Virgin" I was till Derfina started schooling me again!
I find myself with a lot of questions...no answers in sight!
Have a "Groovy" NEW YEAR Pearl! Oh, yes ... I am stalking everybody whilzt Derfina is in IB heaven!

Pearl said...

Hi, Darsden!
Excellent! I enjoy a good stalking now and then! :-)
Happy New Year to ya!

Diane said...

This made me snort! Just yesterday I nearly peed on the couch because I'd put off going in order to finish my post... which I couldn't do... because I nearly peed on the couch. Ridiculous. Well, not really, as the ideas do seem to dissipate in the short time it takes to run to the bathroom. Maybe I could take my laptop with me...? Nah... that's a bit... pathetic. Isn't it? Yeah, it is.

Anyway, thanks for the chuckle (the ice floe thing did it, too. I need to stop storing up and get rid of the chocolate, too... sigh).

EskimoBob said...

Pearl -

Love. It.

Tami said...

Whoo doggies - truer words have never been spoken. It can't be good for my bladdar when I extend to maximum capacity for extended periods of time. There's really no point to it...but I still do it too.

Happy to get back to reading you Pearl. It's been a long couple of weeks. Happy New Year.

Kavi said...

Ah..!! The body comes first. The blog comes next. Body over blog !

When natural tendencies are constricted, i find, my thoughts get constipated and i end up with piles. I mean, piles of useless stuff which just sits there..!!

I quite like your new year plans. And i am going to follow all of what you say. Except, perhaps the mental health part. I need to move it higher up the ladder !!


Lovely. As usual !

Braja said...

Pearl? Pearl!! PEARL!!!

Dammit, STOP READING and go to the bathroom. NOW!

Hey! Put that vodka bottle back down on the kitchen counter and keep walkin', missy....you won't be needing that in there.

(Shakes head...)

Braja said...

Oh, btw, Pearl? If you have mother issues, you might wanna arm yourself with that vodka before you hit my blog...

Lori Anderson Designs said...

Oh I so understand your body feeling. I've mostly given up, but still workout for the hell, er, health of it.

Anonymous said...

Pearly Q, as soon as I feel the urge to go, I stop blogging and go...simply because someone (likely you) is going to say something hysterical and my bladder will expload...Darn you and your silly humor! :)

De Campo BC said...

I like to keep my resolutions obtainable as well. Things like promising not to mount a coup, enslave entire populations, and kill mimes. Does wonders for ones metaphysical well being.

Steve said...

Sounds a cracking resolution. I'm going to join you in being nicer to me. And nicer to people who are nicer to me too. Everybody else can swivel on something pointy.

Anonymous said...

My desk faces an outside northern wall (from the inside, although sometimes it seems just barely). This is a quick route to feetus ice brickus. But I always wait until I'm in danger of losing a toe or three to hypothermia before I will move away from my blog post. Who needs toes to blog after all? I type with my fingers.

(BTW: I've just recently discovered your blog and I love it!)

Old Knudsen said...

I love you in 2009 long time, you are woman perfection, foot rub? shoulder rub? just send me yer credit card details my darling.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Decades of being a public transport commuter has given me iron bladder control. It's about the only bit of the raddled wreck I call a body that has any discipline left at all.

Must go... the potato crips are calling...

Not The Rockefellers said...

I resolve to be a brilliant failure this year :)

The plan is, is that I will not follow through.

But then maybe this year I'll be successful...except instead of being a brilliant failure I'll end up being a below average failure.

Oh I know...scratch all that. This year I resolve to be 37% more energy efficient.

Peace - Rene

Ann's Rants said...

I have made that resolution of GO when you have to GO. Still room for improvement.

Lilly's Life said...

Seeing my resolution is to be kinder I will try and be way nicer to you Pearl. Who knows maybe I will even send you a case of Smirnoff or something in the mail. Have a great New Year and a wonderful content rich 2009 (with lots of toilet breaks of course)!!

Patricia said...

Good to hear you resolve to be nicer to yourself this year. It's under-rated.

Me? I'm resolving to make my resolutions easier.

Here they are:

I'm buying those cloth/canvas grocery bags so I use fewer plastic disposable ones. I figure I need 6.

And, as per usual, I plan to put more pennies in the jar. And I mean that both ways.

Happy New Year, my friend!!

King of New York Hacks said...

No blogging on the throne? Now what am I gonna do, I accomplish a lot in that quiet little space. LOL

DarklyFey said...

The dance of 'OMG WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG' happens often around here, yes. ;)

Michelle J said...

Hi Pearl,
So nice to meet you!! You are hysterical. I just sat here and ate an entire box of chocolate!!! No really, i did!!! I thought i would just eat one piece but it tasted so good and it kind of begged me to eat it!!! How can i turn down a good beg!!!!???

I am now a follower of you!!! You are my people now!!!

Happy New Year!! Keep it real in 09!!!

Pearl said...

Hi, Diane.
:-) You made me LOL.

Hi, Eskimo Bob.
Then my plan is working.

Kavi, you are just so wonderful.

Hi, Tami.
I know, right?! What's up with the holidays taking up all of our time?!

Hi, Braja!!
I've put the vodka down. It's in the freezer, where it belongs! (On my way over in a moment...)

Hi, Lori.
I'm a big fan of yoga and have have neglected it dreadfully these last four weeks in exchange for eating my way through a couple of fridges... Don't let this happen to you! :-)

Hi, Sweet Cheeks.
That's very sensible of you. :-) I once made someone pee their pants, but then I felt kinda bad about it because, well, they had peed their pants.

Hi, de Campo.
Noble sentiments. :-)

Hi, Steve.
It's nice to be nice to the nice. (Ancient M*A*S*H reference.)

Hi, tentativeequinox.
Glad to meet you! We need someone who speaks Latin around here!

Hi, Old Knudsen.
Not 'til I get that beer!!

Hi, Kevin. The potato crips? Is that a snack, or do you live in a really bad neighborhood?

Hi, Rene.
Those are excellent ideas.

Hi, Ann.
I always figure I'm going to go, but then I hit another blog. Next thing you know, I'm doin' that weird dance down the hall...

Hi, Lilly.
A content-rich new year. :-) That's the nicest thing I've heard today.

Hi, Patricia!
I think we could all use a couple more pennies in the jar. :-)

The King Of New York Hacks!
I've been to your site a coupla times. It's like a vacation!! Glad to see you!

Hi, Darkly Fey!
Who knew I was in such great company?!

Hi, Michelle!
You're right -- it would be rude to have not eaten those chocolates. :-) I'm glad that we're people now!


Protege said...

I never make any New Years resolutions, but I sure love yours. And I love your style.;))
Happy New Year Pearl!;))

Lee said...

I'll be real nice. Promise.

Paula said...

Love the resolutions- :) I do need to work on that bathroom thing..... :)