I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Oh, For Cryin’ Out Loud Here Comes Christmas

You know, it’s not like it’s on a different date every year; so why do I feel like Christmas is creeping up on me?

And yet there it is, clear as day, there on the calendar between Thanksgiving* and my next sick day (wink wink), lurking between work and my New Year’s Eve hangover.

The space between now and then is a flurry of decorating, shopping, cooking, parties, phone calls, and gift-giving.

And then? Après Christmas? What then?

Then, my friends, comes the Winter In Earnest. Nothing on the horizon but work, snow, and work in the snow.

So bearing that in mind, and realizing that there is a good chance that it is true that Christmas is on the 25th of December simply to over-ride a pagan solar holiday, would anyone here have any objection to my moving it out to, say, February? Because there’s nothing to look forward to in February.

Is that okay with you guys?

Think of it! No Christmas carols in the stores immediately following Halloween! No rush of activity between November 27th and December 25th! No more trying to save your paid vacation time until the end of the year so that you can take Christmas week off!

Oh, sure. February has Valentine’s Day (AKA Singles Awareness Day), and Presidents’ Day, but neither include time off. True, you may get chocolate or flowers on VD; and there are some great sales (linen and towels! wheeee!) during The Presidents’ Day Sale-ebration (sorry everyone), but honestly, the next paid holiday after New Year’s in the U.S. is Memorial Day.

Memorial Day is in May.

May! And you know what? It’s at the end of May!!

How in the world do we do it, and why in the world are we doing it again? Beginning of January to end of May without a paid day off in sight!

I’m getting dizzy just thinking about it

I can see the headlines now: Woman On Downtown Bus Swallows Laminated Metro Pass, Demands Paid Holiday Between Wheezy, Labored Breaths.


Happy Saturday, everyone. Hope you enjoy your time off.

Caution: U.S. Holidays, mostly...


Ann's Rants said...

Hello, GROUNDHOG DAY??? What kind of midwesterner are you, Pearl?

swenglishexpat said...

I can hear the sleeeiigh beeells!!
Jingle jingle jingle!

Not The Rockefellers said...

Hey!! My birthday is February 20th and in honor of that I hereby declare that everyone should take the day off to make damn sure the world revolves around me. :)

Sooo, not ready for the commercial end of the Christmas season.

Just love the church this time of year, though.

Peace - Rene

Pearl said...

Oh, Ann, how could I have forgotten our annual Groundhog Day festivities?!

Hej Swenglish! Is THAT what I keep hearing? Sleigh bells?

Ah, Rene, you do have a point there. I'm not a religious gal, but I do love the peace and grandeur of a church at Christmas. I love the rituals connecting the human with the divine.


Randal Graves said...

I'd prefer we simply eliminate the holiday entirely - yeah, kids, you heard me - but I could be on board with your moving it to February.

Or we can simply start worshiping Mithras again. Who wouldn't want to slaughter a bull? Good times!

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

You just made me so happy I didn't get that job I applied for. Of course, "paid" holidays would be nice, however infrequently they may occur. All my holidays are unpaid and have the added tax of my children being home from school! Talk about a bum deal....

Pearl said...

Hi, Randal.
And then I'd finally have the chance to use all my Merry Mithras cards!

Hi, Amy.
Paid holidays are nice. Staying home is nice, even with the little ankle-biters running here and there. Just think, though! They'll grow up and leave (hopefully!) and you'll be able to get a job then!


La Belette Rouge said...

I saw Santa today at the mall. There are rules about these things and Santa needs to stay in the North Pole until Thanksgiving. It is just wrong.

Braja said...

I am blissfully unaware of anything you're referring to, and happy to keep it that way. There's enough holidays here in India without adding the US to them....

June Saville said...

Retailers make sure we don't forget December 25 Pearl. These days Christmas doesn't sneak up on us - it arrives with a thump come October!
June in Oz

HowYouDoin' said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HowYouDoin' said...

ohh...I cant believe that in the US, there is no paid holidays after the New Year until May. We have one or 2 every single month.

You know what happened this morning? Some weeks I have to work on sundays too, so this morning, there I was, a little sad that I am going to miss this sundays get-together with my buddies at my old place, but then, my cell phone rang and it was from my office. There has been a change in the schedule and and I have to be at the office only day after tomorrow. Can u imagine how happy I was after that call. :)

Brother Tobias said...

I quite agree; we need a break between New year and May Day in the UK, too. Or several. How about the Eve of St Agnes (21st Jan) for a starter - perfect for the patron saint of gardeners, as there's absolutely nothing you can do in the garden then.

Joy said...

Schools here have a couple of paid holidays - President's Day and Martin Luther King Day. Then we have spring break in March. That's all that got me through the months when I was teaching! We don't have to be at work every day all year but have to put up with kids and teenagers, so no one gets jealous. I'm thrilled that I'm retired now!

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday - no gifts, just being with family. It gets trampled on the way to Christmas now.