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Thursday, October 9, 2008

I Type Like A Super Star!

You know, of all the things that have held me back in life, I have to say that learning to type was probably my biggest mistake.

That, and learning how to make coffee (or letting anyone in an office know that I know how to make coffee).

Oh, and those years I headed up that pre-school gambling ring. That might’ve been a mistake.

But no. Typing has held me back the most.

But that’s ridiculous, you say! Look at you, all successfully secretary-ing and blog-ing and who knows what all! Why, you must be greatly admired for these skills!

Strangely enough, no. But you’d think so, wouldn’t you?

People say to me, “Pearl! What do you type, like, 100 words a minute?” And I say, “Why, yes! 120 on a good day!” And they say “That’s great – hey! Why don’t you run out and pick us up some sandwiches?”

See? That’s what being a really fast typist gets you. The opportunity to run and pick up sandwiches.

And don’t forget the opportunity to have someone throw a handwritten three-page document to you at 4:45 and say, “Yeah, if you could just whip this out quick and get it in the overnight mail, that would be great.”

Whip this out? Who am I, George Michael?

Did you know the Chinese word for "crisis" and "opportunity" are the same? Yeah, if you ask a native Chinese speaker if it’s true they’ll give you that special look they reserve for stupid questions, but for the moment let’s say it’s true. Well, this week has been one opportunity after another, opportunities that have been narrowly-averted crises by my ability to type like my shirt’s on fire. And that’s important! And because I’ve been gifted with the ability to type like the very wind itself and because of my being a valued and well-regarded employee, they’ve suggested that I take Friday afternoon off, just to regroup, just to, you know, relax and – ahhh. You know I’m lying.

So what was my point? My point is, people, friends don’t let friends type. Learn something real. Learn something that doesn't require you to finish what others have started. Learn something that won’t eventually give you carpal tunnel.

Run. Save your children. Save yourselves.


Tami said...

I found your site through Lilly's Life. I have to say...I think you're hysterical! I completely understand the typing thing..I, myself, can type like a mofo. Whoo! Major super power for sure. Luckily I don't work in an assistant type of role anymore (I sell insurance - another WHOO! Hugely boring job) so I don't get those, "Can you quick type this up?" type of job anymore..but i can so relate.

I'm in the Mpls area as well. If you see fit, check out my site at www.dayleedose.com.

May I put a link on my site to you?

Kavi said...

Opportunity and crisis as same words ! Hmm that sure was interesting !

No wonder !

Anonymous said...

haha, I agree:) I am a "superstar" typer too, but I`m also kind of glad that I am...:p When I look around in the computer lab at school and see all those who realy cant type I get frustrated, cause they use like one finger when they type, and are desperately looking for the next letter... Takes hours!!! if I was like that I would use a year on finnishing all my written schoolworks:p
So, Pearl, we actually save alot of time when we type fast:)

Pearl said...

Hi, Tami!
I see you live in Savage? Whoo Minnesota!
Uff da. :-)

Hi, Kavi.
We learn every day, do we not? :-)

Hi, Sandra,
I'm okay with typing fast -- I just wish it wasn't in my job description!
Learn from me! Stay in school, kids! :-)

The Invisible Man said...

Hi Pearl.
Nice blog, first time here

Lilly's Life said...

Whip this out? Who am I, George Michael?

Hilarious. I went to typing classes twice and was paticularly bad at it. Strangely my first computer was an Apple Mac and there used to be a program on it to learn how to type ( I wasnt even aware). My daughter who was four at the time used it as a game - one day I came in and saw her type with most of her fingers. She kept practicing. She loved it. I thought she needed treatment for her addicition. I was shocked. She now says it was the best thing that ever happened. She was able to type all her uni notes really quickly and now she just does most of the typing herself (which strangely drives her bosses, peers and the secretarial staff mad). She reckons that learning to type was the best thing she ever did and it is a great skill to have. So Pearl, maybe go on sick leave for a couple of days and watch these people have to type something up for themselves. They will miss your talents. Oh and I still have my very first apple mac with the typing program on if you want me to ship it to you to give someone as a Christmas present...hint hint.

Judy said...

I have always been a very fast typist, also, and I know exactly what you are talking about. There has been an upside for me though at times. I used to be finished with my work before anyone else and allowed to leave early. That was a long time ago. Maybe, times have changed. I love being a fast typist. It helps with these comments, too.

Audrey said...

I can't remember what trashy author I read said it, I am pretty sure it's Erica Jong but don't quote me, said that she was afraid to learn to type because then people would ask her to do it all the time. So, I guess she was right! Actually it's something I can do that my husband can't and it drives him inexplicably insane with envious rage. Obviously, ours is a very competitive relationship.

Great blog.