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Friday, October 10, 2008

Give My Regards to Guantanamo

I don’t suppose it’s very intelligent of me to admit this, but I’ve been wandering around town with a box cutter in my purse.

That’s right. A weapon of mass destruction. In my purse.

Why, you say? Why would I be lurking at yoga, on the bus, in the streets of Our Fair Town with a box cutter?

Good question. I’m glad you asked that.

Actually, it's got everything to do with how much time I’ve been spending at Erin’s lately. Since Erin’s bought a house – a fine house at a fine price! A house steeped in tobacco smoke and pre-Cambrian wallpaper! A house that has not felt the loving touch of a hot soapy rag in years! And don’t think that I’m not positively crawling with stories about said wallpaper, the number of sandwiches we’ve eaten in the last two weeks, or the possibility that there really is a ghost in the high school across the street or that I am only bone-weary and making stuff up (because honestly – I don’t know about you – but if I’ve been on my feet for hours and not really getting enough sleep, eventually, left alone on the front step of a house in the dark and staring at what should be an empty building, I start making stuff up).

Frankly, I may be getting just a touch silly with all the excitement. A gal can only take so much fun, you know!

But back to the box cutter.

I’ve been carrying it around since we tore out/sliced up/rolled up the carpet. I found it on the bus yesterday whilst digging absentmindedly through my purse. It was kind of confusing, actually, like finding a June bug in your pie (yes, I have) or a cigarette butt in the baby’s room (no, I have not). I just sat there, looking furtively from one passenger to the next. Did they see me find it? Will someone call the authorities?

“Honestly, Officer! I – I – I don’t know why I’m still carrying it! No! No, I love my country!”

Next thing you know, I’m on the news. “Live, tonight! Woman on local bus found with box cutter and subdued by fellow passengers. We have the footage of her capture and hospitalization at 11:00!”

I’m going to turn myself in now. I’m a taxpayer, for cryin’ out loud! Surely they’ll go easy on me?

13 comments:

Chris Cope said...

The sad thing is: That so would have happened seven years ago.

Pearl said...

Hi, Chris.

We had a student in a high school about 15 miles away be suspended for school for having a box cutter in his car. Apparently it was visible and they have a "zero tolerance" for weapons. Never mind that it was in his car or that he used it at his after-school job.

Pearl

Tami said...

I heard that story about the kid! Things have gone TOO FAR!!!

Yikes! For what it's worth, if you show them the cleaning callouses on your hands that may possibly be paint-spattered...I think the bus passengers may back down and believe you.

Chriz said...

here in india, we could carry these things more freely.. different rules in different countries.. aint it

Pearl said...

Hi, Tami.
Yeah, that was in Blaine. Freaks!
Pearl

Hi, Chriz.
Oh, yes.
Pearl

Kavi said...

:)

I hope so. I hope they let you keep the blog on !!

:)

Pearl said...

Hi, Kavi.

:-) I shall tap out messages to the people.

Oooh. Actually, that's not very funny...

Pearl

Barbara Blundell said...

Pearl. What's a box cutter ? We cut up our boxes(if we really have to ) with either a knife or a pair of scissors.

Pearl said...

Hi, Barbara.

It's this, um, thing, that holds a razor blade at one end so that you can hold it firmly and slice through things.

http://www.uline.com/BL_1170/Uline-Comfort-Grip-Knives

Here's one. It actually looks better than mine but it's the same thing.

I've added the link to the blog, too.

Pearl

Lilly's Life said...

See I personally didn't blink an eyelid Pearl when you said you had a box cutter in your handbag - doesn't everyone keep one of those in their handbag?

A little while ago my daughter was applying to law firms to get work experience - so she went to the central registry (where all he firms go to share mail, contracts or whatever I guess)to put envelopes (which were not addressed) with her CV inside and a generic letter in the mailboxes. Apparently it was illegal for her to even be at the Central Registry let alone be putting unaddressed envelopes in the pigeon holes. The next day she had the Federal Police at her door because someone thought the envelopes looked suspicious and it could have been some kind of terrorist acitivity - remember someone was sending white powder in envelopes through the mail at one time? She still managed to get a job and is now a lawyer with a shady past (and a shady future if you listen to all those lawyer jokes..he he).

So Pearl all I can say is I am glad you found those box cutters when you did because it would be my luck that I wouldnt have discovered them until I was going through airport security or something. You have now reminded me that I should clean out my handbag just in case. You never know do you?

June Saville said...

Pearl this reminds me of when I was trying to board a plane at Mascot Sydney airport and they found a tiny nail file when my bag went through the ex-ray machine. It was attached to one of those nail clippers and they gave me the choice of losing the entire gizmo or agreeing to them ripping off the nail file and returning the clipper bit. I could see myself in orange overalls.
Then - memories of landing from London in Kiev when it was in the Soviet Union. I had in my bag a necklet with a large chunk of funky metal and New Zealand green stone and it set off the security machine. It was deep into the Cold War and I had been worried about going there anyway.
I froze as armed guards literally moved towards me from several directions. They motioned me to open the bag and then rummaged through my undies et al before they came to ... you know what!
The whole airport collapsed laughing when the necklet came to light and they couldn't have been nicer after that.
Cheers
June in Oz

ugich konitari said...

Pearl, they even catch nail clippers. Last year, I was singled out from a line of weary travellers going through security for a Singapore-SFO flight, because someone rummaging through my purse , saw a tiny nail clipper and went "Aha"..... .

They talked to me with serious faces, filled a form, had me sign it, and then attached some label(bigger than the nailclipper) to the item being called dangerous.

They told me that I would find the item along with all the other circling luggage at SFO...Needless to say, I never looked for it.

And i used to think that all it did was clip nails....

Barbara Blundell said...

Got it ! Thank you ! That's a Stanley Knife