I feel naked. My fingers are cold, my stomach upset. I think I might have a muscle spasm – you know when you feel like that might happen? There’s a metallic taste in my mouth, and I’m thinking of walking up to the gas station for a pack of cigarettes. I think I can hear a ringing in my ears. ..
Why? Because Saturday I could not reach my website. It is now late Sunday night, and I still cannot reach my website.
Oh, my gourd, I hadn’t realized how addicted I am to the damn thing. And how helpless I am when something goes wrong! I've managed to post this, but I can't see if it will work...
I’d had it pointed out to me, how hooked I was, but that’s just me all over – no one can tell me anything! Like my short-lived addiction to Buffalo Wings, I refused to see, and now I’m living with the proof of my weakness. It's not as sticky-fingered as my love of the wing, but it's every bit as sobering.
Seventy-seven-some days of writing, of posting the night before, knowing that whatever had passed through my head or my life in the weeks/days/minutes beforehand would be published at 9:00 Central Time the next day. I’d grown accustomed to being able to check into my site, looking at my words, watching the SiteMeter tell me how many people have read and from where. I was astonished when people from Malaysia read my blogs, when Kavi wrote from India, when I heard from Barbara in the U.K. and the information she’s uncovered regarding the correlations between chocolate and shrinking pants.
But it’s been 48 hours since I could access my site. That’s two days. Without being able to get on my site. Good God, what if I hadn’t scheduled Sunday’s blog Saturday night to publish?
And now? I want to post and I can’t! Man, if I don’t post – and soon! – I’m gonna have to find something else to do.
So help me God, I could end up scrapbooking! I've done it before!
I just don’t think I can handle this kind of pressure.
When things get hard, when you’re blocked, when what you want to do and what you can do are two different things, when you can’t be distracted by the TV, when your clothes are out of fashion, and even you find your taste in music suspect, what are you supposed to do?
So I spent the weekend amongst friends, gathering points of view, taking in the faces and the sounds of the interesting people; and whether it was on Kurt and Kathy’s porch for beers, shopping with T (He of the Lawn Obsession) for clothes for his upcoming trip to Las Vegas, eating/laughing/telling stories at Ma and Toua’s house over lunch, or out Saturday night at Mac’s Industrial with The Boy and his goofy 20-something friends and then meeting Kathy, Amy, Vin, Jen, RD and the rest of the Cool Kids up at Dusty’s, the weekend was actually, well, fabulous. And I don’t like to use that word casually, but it was pretty fabulous.
No wonder I’m so tired.
Man. Maybe it's what I needed. Maybe I needed to be away from the Internet for the weekend! Anyway, I need a hot bath, a Melatonin and a good night’s sleep.
Happy Monday, y’all!