I’m on a new diet.
It’s called “There’s leftover food in the break room!”
All the kids are doing it.
Left wallet-battered and now the proud owner of plumbing
that works and shiny fixtures extolling my dedication to beauty and
cleanliness, I’ve turned a cynical eye toward my expenses.
In other words, I am broke until payday.
And this is how I came to eat a sandwich I wouldn’t
necessarily have chosen had I paid for it, a bag of gratis chips, and
two freakishly large cookies on Tuesday.
How could the execs not have wanted these cookies? Huddled at my desk, cheeks bulging, eyes
furtively glancing right, left, right, left, I give myself a pat on the back.
Saved a couple bucks there.
Fast-forward to Tuesday night, when I discover both tuna and Tuna Helper in my pantry. Heaven help us, who bought this, and why do
they hate me? What could I have possibly
done...
But that’s the price you pay when you want a flushing toilet
and dripless spigots.
It’s at this point I’d like to say that I have been
pleasantly surprised, that Tuna Helper is rather tasty.
But that would be lying.
It’s dreadful.
Luckily, there are only two more big bowls of it to eat
before I can move on to fried potatoes.
Don’t get me wrong.
I’m not complaining, not really.
After all, I paid cash for them thar plumbin’s.
And with Tuna Helper as leftovers, I won’t be tempted to
raid the fridge later this evening.
See?
Diet.
The Barely-Edible-Pantry-Stock diet. Genius!
ReplyDeleteI've often done the "I-can't-afford-to-eat-until-payday" diet too. Every once in a while, though, I do the "I'm-sick-&-can't-keep-anything-down" diet , just to change it up.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great idea. If I buy horrible, horrible food, I won't be tempted to eat so much.
ReplyDeleteTell me how that goes.
So far, there has been free coffee and free CHEESE in the break room.
ReplyDeleteHey. It's Minnesota. The chances of free cheese were pretty good.
And Vinny? That can't-keep-anything-down diet sucks. I hope you're not as sick as that may suggest...
Who among us has not raided the conference room after the big wigs were done? I have lost three pounds on the root canal diet recently.
ReplyDeleteHari OM
ReplyDeleteAh yes, the 'dahl-roti' Minny-snowta style... At least you are getting some nutrition. What kind? Let's not be too picky eh? After all, you can wash it all away in style now. YAM xx
Don't forget Ramen. Hot sauce makes things taste like more, too.
ReplyDeleteIt's true. But brutal.
ReplyDeleteWith all that fridge avoidance there will be a newer, trimmer Pearl come February
ReplyDeleteProbably cranky too..
It's easy to lose weight on the "Only buy food that makes you barf diet"!!
ReplyDeleteI am pretty certain that even that diet would not make the pounds and stone leave me. They stick very, very tightly.
ReplyDeleteHooray for shiny plumbing though.
I wouldn't even think about the things I used to do when I was too broke to make it to payday and also eat. You might be a mind reader. Eyes left, eyes right, eyes left, eyes right . . .
ReplyDeleteFlushing toilets, dripless spigots AND you lose weight? I'd call that a win.
ReplyDeleteYour post brought back a strange memory (your blog might do that to many readers). Back when I was a dumb kid (smartass adult now you know) I actually ate popcorn that spilled on the deck around the public pool. Lucky I didn't die from ingesting suntan lotion.
ReplyDeleteI hope you got the golf ball toilet.
ReplyDeleteThe last time I ate leftover break room food I got a week long bout of gastro that landed me in hospital on a fluid drip for a day. In the five years since I haven't touched anything but my own food.
ReplyDeleteI love the thought of shiny new plumbing.
Shiny, new plumbing is a wonderful thing. Good luck with the leftover Tuna Helper--ugh. I'm not a fan of tuna, helped or not. :\ Your break room food, on the other hand, sounds pretty tasty. :)
ReplyDeleteFree Coffee AND Free Cheese! What more could you desire!
ReplyDelete(Hope payday comes soon)
When my girls are broke and need food they shop at the house of mum, my sister also like to shop at the house of mum
ReplyDeleteCostco has free samples in their aisles!!!
ReplyDeleteYeah that's a drama for me, that diet. I'm on a diet now, too and actually I'm always angry monster that really wants to kill everyone in this world.
ReplyDeleteI, too, was once poor... back in the day (late 60's), I could shop for groceries on $10 per week. Ate a lot of cheap (not lean) hamburger mixed with gravy and some peas or carrots or string beans. I'd also make bowls of tuna salad which would last a few days in the fridge:
ReplyDeletehttp://boomer-musings.blogspot.com/2009/06/tuna-salad.html
Just freshen it, before eating, with some Miracle Whip or the store-brand version (cheaper) before eating.
You always find a bright side. I remember a few meals of tuna and tuna helper when I was way out in the wilderness--it was my one chance for meat and it was pretty darn good but I haven't had it at home.
ReplyDelete