The sun, having heard that Minneapolis has cast furtive glances at
its stockpile of cozy sweaters and corduroy pants, has cooled in her affection
for us. The temperature drops daily, and the citizens of Our Great City
rub their hands together, exhale hotly onto their exposed fingertips.
Summer! I sunburnt once this year – just a little bit! – and
I never did get a tan. There is nothing
I can do about it now.
We head to the cookbooks. Indian, Thai, Mexican, anything
where the tongue can be fooled into thinking that it may have struck out on its
own, perhaps flown off to somewhere warm, where dark-eyed men with enterprising
moustaches offer bowls of fragrant happiness…
Three jalapenos, the recipe said. Seeds are optional.
Optional?!! Say no more, my good man. Any time a
recipe suggests “optional” to me, I suggest that it does not know who it is
dealing with.
I chop and core three jalapenos. Keep their little seeds.
It’s not long after that, whilst brushing my hair from my face,
that I notice my cheek is burning.
And my left ear. And the right side of my chin. And the
center of my chest. And a portion of my forehead.
And it occurs to me, something I read about wearing rubber gloves
when dealing with jalapenos…
But! These were grown in Minnesota! Surely a little
home-grown veggie wouldn’t burn like one grown in, say, Texas?
For a bright woman, I am surprising stupid at times.
The red splotches on my face will burn for hours.
I made salsa to remind me of summer. And just like that, summer is back.
I have done that. Oh my, those little suckers can really burn ( we never get to see what it does to our insides). After trying everything to lessen the pain, the only remedy was sticking my injured hands in cold milk. I guess it would be hard to do that with your ear though. However, it might work with the chin.
ReplyDeleteToo bad I didn't like jalapenos.. I might get warmed up... If I ever cook with them I will remember to wear gloves xox
ReplyDeleteOuch!
ReplyDeleteFunny, I never thought of it before, but optional kinda does mean add extra!
I thought chocolate was the cure. Apply a thin layer. Thick layer optional. Let us know how it goes.
ReplyDeleteAnd may I just say "ouch" on your behalf.
Hope the salsa was good.
ReplyDeleteYears back my partner made a 40 chili curry. And understood what a 'burning ring of fire' really meant.
ReplyDeleteChili juice in the eyes isn't good either. And it is also a good reason to wash ones hands BEFORE that pit-stop as well as after.
Well at least you are warm in those few spots.
ReplyDeleteRub your eyes after chopping peppers and you'll no longer think summer, but hell! I hope your sausa turned out weel.
ReplyDeleteJust because seeds & skin start with the same letter doesn't necessarily mean that they go well together!!
ReplyDeleteI guess I've become a true New Englander - I avoid jalapeños of any description.
ReplyDeleteThese days, I really appreciate spicy foods. I think it's my aged taste buds that cry for more flavor.
ReplyDeleteI once processed the serrano crop with my bare hands. Surprisingly stupid is not unique to bright women in Minnesota.
ReplyDeleteThe trick is to rub sour cream or yogurt all over your burned skin once you're done. That's what I heard.
ReplyDeleteSweaters and cords. Yeah, you nailed it.
You can make a compress with cotton,tissue , gauze, whatever and soak it in milk them hold it on your skin.
ReplyDeleteThat red burning on your face is why I can't eat chilies of any kind. I get the redness burning through from the inside, the heat goes after a day or so but the redness keeps on a while longer.
ReplyDeleteHari Om
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, nothing like a chili burn to say 'tropicana' and b****r that hurts... meanwhile, I have just brought myself Down to the Under for a couple of months of warm weather. Only to arrive in the coolest, wettest spring in decades... sigh.... YAM xx
Praise Leif Erickson you didn't rub your eyes, girlfriend!
ReplyDeleteWell someone won't make that mistake again, or will she
ReplyDeleteGet more jalapenos and rub them all over your exposed skin next time you have to go out in an Alberta Clipper. I don't know if it will help you feel your face and fingers any better in below zero and 30 mph, but I'd like to find out. You first.
ReplyDeleteYou're an odd one, Pearl. I assume you found what I have in the past; the sting, burn, etc goes away with an hour or so. Last fall I seeded some Hatch chili's after roasting, without gloves....I regretted it for hours.
ReplyDeleteUh oh. That's one kind of heat you don't need.
ReplyDeleteYikes! That's a hard HOT lesson learned. Hope you have a great week.
ReplyDeleteOh, they're sneaky little devils, those seeds! I've done that, too. Hope this unexpected heat is over soon!
ReplyDeleteYogurt them red splotches or push your face into a bucket of milk. Dairy neutralizes Capsaicin.
ReplyDeleteKeep your hot little fingers away from any tender parts of your own or anyone else's.
ReplyDeleteMy brother used to snack on those fiery buggers. Maybe his weren't as potent. I had the sense not to try it! Hope it didn't ruin your "cool", Pearl!
ReplyDeleteOh, come on. Jalapenos are nothing. It's when you get to the Habaneros or the Scotch Bonnets that you may want to whine.
ReplyDelete"... enterprising moustaches..."
ReplyDeleteThat is now one of my favorite descriptions, ever. Wonderful!
By the way, the trick I learned, a long time ago was that eating some bread will relieve a magnificent amount of the heat if you eat hot stuff. I don't know if it would translate to rubbing bread on your face, but maybe worth a try the next time (if there is a next time, which I doubt because you're an intelligent person.)
Maybe an aloe plant in your sunroom would also remind you of summer and be a neutralizer for your jalapeno affliction
ReplyDeleteThe aloe is optional of course (I totally know how to control your every move now bwah hahahaha)
ReplyDeleteThere are many pleasures in life --none of them include jalapenos. Lord knows I've tried.
ReplyDeleteI love how people are offering you options to salve your skin.
ReplyDelete"put milk on it"
"put butter on it"
"put sour cream on it"
"add some grated cheese, a few corn chips and a willing partner - but I suggest don't allow said partner to ingest any salsa first, as it may cause complications...
My tastes have, in a single week, adjusted to chocolate infused with chili. This only encourages people who want me to try it in other things. A strange enthusiasm of our time.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas, Pearl
ReplyDeletePearl, all my best compliments of the season. Good wishes for the new year.
ReplyDelete