Ping!
Where did we last
leave this?
I sigh. There are
some people that make full-time work a chore.
This woman is one of them.
I stare at the e-mail.
I have been copied on three separate correspondences circulating around this
particular subject, all of them started by her, all of them saying the same
things – and all of them addressed to different people.
This person is the reason I have taken up competitive
sighing.
I take a deep breath and exhale slowly.
Hi, Florence, I
write. If I understand you correctly, you are looking for resolution on this
matter. I have attached the three
conversations I am aware of. Please let
me know where you’d like to go next as I can do nothing until I hear from you.
Ping!
Are you sure?
she writes. I don’t remember you needing my input in the past.
I close my eyes. We’ve
been doing it this way for almost five years.
I fight the urge to sigh again and settle for a slight moan that makes
Female Intern turn around grinning.
“Florence?” she whispers.
I grin at her. “Was
it the groaning?”
Dear Florence,
I write. We’ve been doing it this way for a good amount of time now and I don’t
understand why you…
And it is there that I stop, because anything I write
after that will include phrases like “willful inattention”, “please refer to
the last dozen e-mails we’ve had on this same subject”, and “suspected lead-paint-chip
ingestion”.
I take a deep breath, highlight and delete everything but
the salutation and continue anew.
I believe we’ve
been doing it this way for a while, haven’t we?
Perhaps I’ve been unclear in the past.
Please keep me copied regarding the decision made and I’ll implement the
changes.
Hugs and Kisses,
Pearl.
Thinking better of it, I replace “hugs and kisses” with “best
regards”.
We'll save that for the follow-up e-mail.
"Perhaps I've been unclear in the past?" You "play dumb" (while your voice drips in sarcasm) like I do.
ReplyDeleteIs Florence a mouth breather? She sounds like she's one...
Competitive sighing is an event at which I excel and I WAS considering competing at this summer's Olympic games, but, I fear you've been in intensive training, and would sigh me to the bottom of the deep blue sea.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the games are in London, where their stiff upper lip policy prohibits sighing on a nationwide level.
~sigh~
Hugs and kisses!
Susan
Sioux, I most certainly do. :-) Because I prefer to write in declarative sentences and believe that if we are paid by the hour that we should buckle down a bit, I've been advised that I can come off as "too direct". I try to soften my style for the easily confused. :-)
ReplyDeleteSusan, oh, no one sighs like I do. :-) Between the feeling that I've never done enough and a touch of the ol' asthma, I can be, unchecked, a heckuva sigher.
Hugs and Kisses, Pearl
Sioux,
ReplyDeletep.s. Hard to tell about Florence. She's actually on the other side of the world, so our communications are all via e-mail.
Competitive sighing! Heeheehee! Love it.
ReplyDeleteAh, the joys of employment; makes me so glad I'm retired!
ReplyDeleteFlorence sounds like one of those people who gets through her working years by forcing everyone else to make the decisions..creating a paper trail to prove they made the decision and then keeping a low profile while heads roll. You gotta get rid of her Pearl...I'll check for some old leaded paint out in the tool shed.
ReplyDeleteL-Kat, :-)
ReplyDeleteEva, I want to be you some day, li'l Miss Retired! :-)
Delores, I can send them to her via InterOffice Mail!
SIGH......
ReplyDelete#2 on a list I have of "things you'd like to say at work but cant".
ReplyDeleteI don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
Florence works here too.
ReplyDeleteEvery day, I count the miracles of folks like Florence who have made it to this age and station in life without any visible means of independence, critical thinking skills, and logic.
ReplyDeleteI could go on with this topic for too long, so I shall stop now.
My mother could give you a run for your money for Competitive Sigh Queen. Once in a hotel she sighed so loudly she inadvertently ordered room service.
ReplyDeleteHow did Florence get that job??? This is a hot button with me. :) Can you tell?
ReplyDeleteLeenie, ditto.
ReplyDeleteSimply, I like that. :-)
haphazard, she's not the first "Florence" I've worked with!
Shelly, the best part is, she's actually kinda far up on the ladder in terms of title/pay check...
Suzy, nice. :-)
ReplyDeleteLynn, I'm gonna go with "has naked pics of boss". But that's just a guess. :-)
I think the beast salutation would be "best kisses", a nice combo of the .... Hold it, that should have been "the best salutation"
ReplyDeleteJust remember that in 92 minutes the week wiLL be eXactly half oVER.
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, ad museum ....
Florence has been promoted to the top of her incompetence. Is that the "Peter Principle"???
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately we all know a 'Florence'!
ReplyDeleteIn fact, I do believe I work for one!
competitive sighing. love it!
ReplyDeleteesb, I'm kinda liking the "beast" salutation. :-)
ReplyDeleteDaisy, that is delightful!
Sym, you know, I don't mind, really, working with a Florence, but I can't abide working FOR one...
TexWisGirl, it's one of my strengths. :-)
Hahaha, the amount of sighs I've freed today... just like yours... so many Florences my way!x
ReplyDeletesounds like Florence doesn't want to go down alone...
ReplyDeleteVerbal diarrhoea in email form, is the pits... :)
ReplyDeleteI have been driven to "Do not email me on this topic again." Of course, as I'm elected, my job isn't in jeopardy for four years. My sister and I had a Rol-o-dex shorthand, back in the day. Sadly, it does not exist on the modern keyboard. A person's name followed by a circle with a dot in it indicated we had found the person an assh..e to deal with. Kinda warning the next person who might take a call. You know.
ReplyDeleteIt would help if there were a given limit on how long a conversation can go. Like at parent-teacher conferences at my school, where we sit "arena-style" and parents wait to see us as we talk to them one-at-a-time. Teachers are given timers that beep after 4 minutes. Time's up! Next! Seriously.
ReplyDeleteHoly moly. I didn't know you worked for the same company as I do! I didn't see you out in the cube farm....oh wait...
ReplyDeleteWe've got this eye thing going today don't we? :o) Maybe you're not rolling your eyes the right way? Sorry...I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. I think it's a sickness that all companies have at least one of these people employed.
Ha ha ha! I laugh because I just deleted half an email - the part that said what I really thought. Why? Because, like you, I often have to deal with folks like this.
ReplyDeleteJust smile and nod, Pearl, smile and nod.
Hey Pearl! Yes, we all know Florence. She has long hair, bad glasses and a dick at my office. Once voted "Person Least Likely To Hold A Job Down For More Than A Fortnight", but has been with us for twenty five years. Must. Control. Fist. Of. Death. Roth x
ReplyDeleteIt is SO satisfying to type exactly what you want to say, even if you have to subsequently tone it down a notch or maybe a lot of notches. I am so afraid of accidentally sending the original, though, that I type it in Word rather than in the actual email. Yes, when I am upset, I am that spastic that it could happen.
ReplyDeleteAnd no "best regards" either! It's "very tersely yours" all the way :)
P. S. I would love to hear Simply Suthern's entire list of things you'd like to say at work but can't!
ReplyDeletePlease tell me that Florence is an older partially retired, re-located New Yorker from a predominately Jewish upbringing, and my day would be complete.
ReplyDeleteBecause if she texted/emailed with that style accent and attitude I would just love her. I just know it.
OH. And she must have frosted gray hair. Just sayin'
I was once castigated by half dozen engineers for doing a Reply All to the dozen or so engineers on a project. I was not on the project, wasn't an engineer, and my office was not on the list the project would affect. I merely pointed it out (a bit nastily, I admit). I did the Reply All because the three prior replies to the project "head" (I use the term loosely) had no effect.
ReplyDeleteBut the emails stopped.
You, however, are obviously involved in whatever Florence is emailing about so you cannot do as I did.
Sorry. I would suggest, you Reply All to every email. It is so much fun.
competitive sighing should be in the Olympics
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain, Pearl. I really do. And my heavy sighs are famous throughout the states of North Carolina and Texas.
ReplyDeleteIf they had team competitive sighing in the Olympics we'd be sure to win the gold!
I think it's people like that who wind up for HOA's.
ReplyDeleteI am SO going to use that in every email possible .. Perhaps I have been unclear in the past ?
ReplyDeleteLove you,
One who sighs constantly ..
You would THINK that Acme Sprocket and Grommets would recognize when an employee has a loose/missing sprocket. Huh!
ReplyDeleteDoes she roll her eyes as well? I would string a wire across the hallway, just about ankle height.
ReplyDeleteIf competitive sighing was only an Olympic sport, we'd be cheering you on in London! Thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteThis post totally make me miss the office (sigh)
ReplyDeleteokay, again .. inhale deeply ... exhale ... yes, a Deep Cleansing Sigh.
ReplyDelete... and some people still insist that sighs don't matter.
Competitive sighing is the funniest thing ever!
ReplyDeleteThe days I work in the office I literally end the day pale and somber. It sucks the life out of me minute by minute. Work e-mails are the worst. Ick.
ReplyDeletePING! Florence WTF lol u gt ntn btr 2 do? PRL.
ReplyDeleteIf I had a nickle... I applaud your restraint. At this point I have usually send a response that includes the word, "moron".
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised I still have a job.
Pearle, I think it's time for some yoga ;) Perhaps a little Downword Dog will make the dog lay down.
ReplyDeleteI now wonder if there's a category for heavy sighing in the Office Olympics, something I may check into and keep you posted on. Florence's of this world can be such a pain in the neck, ya I was going to say ass but I'm publicly stating this so I rethought using that word!
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful weekend... practice, practice, practice and you might take home that Gold! ;-)
hugs and kisses in exchange for sighs?
ReplyDeleteYou could sigh it "Big sighs of annoyance, Pearl"
Anyone with a name like Florence, and it is a lovely name, was born to be one of those people. She usually has a friend named Prudence, and all they do is complain.
ReplyDelete