This is going to strike you as, well, unbelievable, I’m sure, but I’ve got a dirty mind.
What? You suspected?
You lie.
I have that kind of face, though, the kind of face that makes people think I don’t swear or don’t write and re-write the filthiest of jokes when I hear someone use the words “meat thermometer” or “titular heads of state”.
Look, I know that there’s nothing dirty about the words “meat” or “titular”, but I also know that I am not alone in this, and sometimes, it just seems funny.
See? Even now, I’m grinning on the inside, because if by any stretch of the imagination a word can have a double meaning? I want to be there.
Even The Boy has gotten in on it.
For example, I took him to a political event a number of years ago, when he was 20, maybe 21. There was quite a number of different groups there: Democrats for Tapioca, Republicans for a Safer Mouthwash, Lesbians for Lower Kitchen Counters. It was a diverse group, a big holding-hands, acoustic guitar, I’ve-got-poetry-books-for-sale-in-my-car kinda group. Dylan took one look at the couple next to us, two women holding hands, and quipped, “You didn’t tell me this was going to be a bush rally”.
Ha ha! You’re very funny, and you’re grounded.
Not really. You don’t ground wit.
I don’t feel bad about it, my dirty mind. I enjoy it. I’m not loud, I’m not crude, and in a quiet setting where there are minors or disapproving adults in the mix, you’ll only know what I’m thinking by the inappropriate twinkle in my eye.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting to go to. We’re going to discuss this year’s holiday-themed party: Santa’s Pole* – Life at the Top of the World.
* No doubt this will be changed before the party takes place, but not only did I not name it, I seem to be the only one on the committee who finds it amusing.
What a bunch of dimwits. Santa's pole? who could NOT go there!
ReplyDeleteellen, they make my life richer, those dimwits. :-)
ReplyDeleteObviously the party planners have NO sense of humor!
ReplyDeleteI am SO like you, it is scary.
ReplyDeleteI often quip at the way titles and things are named (in a dirty way).
Not only does it make life more fun, but c'mon people, WAKE up! Most people do think dirty, they just ignore it. Me? I celebrate it.
ha
Come on- Santa's Pole? Wonder how long you can enjoy that name before someone else realizes it should be changed.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear I am not the only one whose brain immediately makes the "dirty" joke connections!
UTI, so far, I have not noticed that Santa's Pole is anything to them other than where Santa lives. They either have a FANTASTIC sense of humor that I haven't noticed or they are delightfully obtuse. Either way, I'm amused!
ReplyDeleteRetired One, I am tickled pink to hear it!
Linda, I'm not going to mention it and don't you either! :-) I have so little -- all I ask is that "Santa's Pole" stand on its own. :-D
You do have a that kinda face Pearl, I bet people still try to pinch your cheek once in a while, huh?
ReplyDeleteA mind is a horrible thing to try to keep clean, all those ganglia, all those little furrows....they can't help but gather a bit of smut : )
powder, I DO get my cheeks pinched!! :-) How funny is that that you would know?!
ReplyDeleteI really am going to have to visit you more often, funny lady. I have always tried to keep my dirty mind under wraps, though sometimes I cannot resit the tempatation to blurt out something, sadly,I forget the gem almost as soon as it's said, same with punchlines-I laugh so much as I'm telling he joke and then forget the most important bit.
ReplyDeleteMoannie, you and your dirty mind are always welcome here. :-)
ReplyDeleteRepublicans for a Safer Mouthwash, Lesbians for Lower Kitchen Counters !
ReplyDeleteLOL !!
I also noticed today that the FB profile pic changed. Hmm !
How could they NOT see Santa's Pole? Oops that doesn't sound quite the way I meant it. Trying to fix it will only make it worse.
ReplyDeleteStopping now. Funnypostbye.
Kavi, I've changed my hair color. :-)
ReplyDeleteMom of Three, thanks for stopping in!!
Wait a minute, someone doesn't think there's something "funny" about the words "meat" or "titilar?"
ReplyDeleteNow don't get me started on "Santa's Pole!"
I am shocked, shocked!, to learn you have a dirty mind. I thought all women (except the ones willing to date or marry me)were pure in heart and mind.
ReplyDeleteI am crushed.
Maureen, there are people out there who would never give it a second thought. And to think! Some of these may be neighbors!!
ReplyDeleteDouglas, I suggest the internal application of a gin and tonic to ease that crushing feeling. :-)
Yeah, and I got hysterical when a ten year old played the word "boner" in a word game the other day at a friend's house. She kept asking what was so funny... and I, being the tactful person I am, just laughed louder.
ReplyDeleteCatLady, sometimes a little immaturity is just what is called for! What can we say? "Boner" is a funny word.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you have a naughty mind, and you wear it so well. Or, as John Lennon said: "Women should be obscene but not heard."
ReplyDeletemrwriteon, did he?! I always liked that guy. :-D
ReplyDeleteJust know that somehow I sensed this about you.
ReplyDeleteIB, I suspect you did!
ReplyDeleteSomehow, someway I found the "Snowie Shaved Ice" booth at a food fair this summer really dirty.
ReplyDeleteshaved ice...heeeeheee
ahaha, I am dying! I, too, have a dirty mind and I guess people don't suspect it because when I mutter something naughty under my breath people gasp and give me this bewildered look like they never thought they would hear me say or even think that!
ReplyDeleteAnd Santa's Pole... COME ON PEOPLE!
Nope, I can't see it myself. I expect it's a magnificent erection and the committee members will be gagging to engage with it.
ReplyDelete9th grade English, Shakespeare, you, me, and a disappointed, Mrs. F (now Mrs. B) after class... makes me giggle still...
ReplyDeleteLet's hope old frosty doesn't bend over.
ReplyDeleteThanks for expanding my vocabulary with titular. I got an extra laugh from the google search with Rush being the titular leader of the GOP. Some words and politics go well together.
Now see this is me to a tee. I will laugh maniacally like a 12 year old boy being told by the big boobed woman to take a gander at the Grand Tetons. I do however try to hold it to a minimum around young children. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou'll need to watch the 'elf and safety issues while you're there.
ReplyDeleteHow about Dictator?
ReplyDeleteIs that not the funniest word ever spoken?
You're right, you can't ground wit!
ReplyDeleteAnd it's a good thing. . .
I don't get it.
ReplyDeleteScotch, chocolate, and entendres - things that should always be doubles.
ReplyDeleteBirds of a feather...all that and more. I bet you make up 'dirty ditties' out of songs, too. "Put you sweet lips a little closer to the bone...let's pretend that we're together all alone..." that old Jim Reeves favorite.
ReplyDeleteHelen
GOLD i tell you!
ReplyDeleteyou should be proud of your progeny indeed.
As long as you're checking out Santa's Pole, you might want to make sure his sack is full of goodies for the boys and girls.
ReplyDeleteDirty little elf....
ReplyDelete:)
Oh yeah, food for wit and a twinkling eye, that is.
ReplyDeleteMy internal editor is exhausted by the end of each day. At least with my husband I have permission to actually say every creepy, gross, dumb, inappopriate thing that jumps into my mind. Can't believe he hasn't left yet.
ReplyDeleteHilarious!
ReplyDeleteA bush rally? LOL love it!
ReplyDeleteHi, here from BPOTW! :)
ReplyDeleteThere is no problem with a dirty mind. I've been accused a time or dozen of having one myself. :p
Thanks for a peek at what I have to look forward to in a few years. The stepboy has a very quick wit, but since he's only 13, the jokes are pretty clean....so far.
ReplyDeleteYou must have loved Monica L. being on the Presidential staff?
ReplyDeleteHa! I have come back 5 years in time to say Ha! Brilliant post, kid.
ReplyDelete