I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Oh, Just Shut Up and Lie Down Somewhere

I’ve been sitting here for, oh, three days or so, breathing through my mouth and contemplating a future in voice-over.

Surely everyone would be as amused as I with my voice?  Somewhere between the croak of a hungover amphibian and the creak of a rusty hinge, I amuse myself intermittently with “Ave Maria” and my impersonation of me, with a cold.

“What’s that, Pearl?  You’d like some cough syrup?  Ha ha ha!  You don’t have any!”

Apparently Prior Pearl has failed Present Pearl in this.

She will be spoken to. 

Through the advances of technology, of course, I am no longer just sick, but I am now Sick and Working From Home, or as we in the business like to say, “Swiffing”.  Working in this state leads directly to emails that begin “Come in, Tokyo!” and end “Hugs and Kisses, Pearl”.

I may be exaggerating.  Or maybe not.  I worked until 10:00 last night, and who knows what those last few emails said?  Sure, I could check; but what’s the fun in that?  Better I wait for a response – or some sort of communique from Human Resources.

In the meantime, Dolly Gee Squeakers (formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers) is confused.  She crawls in and out of the backpack in which I brought the laptop home, mews piteously at her food bowl (which is only three quarters of the way full), walks from the couch to the dining room table back to the couch in hopes that I will join her.


Cats.  What do they know, huh?

31 comments:

Rose Blackthorn said...

Working from home...it won't end well.

Especially if you're feeling ill.

Go be ill. Dolly has the right of it.

Feel better soon!
xx

Pearl said...

Ah, Rose. I was raised by people who denied the existence of illness. What's a gal to do?!

jenny_o said...

Hacking away in solidarity, Pearl. This crud is vile. My co-workers won't let me go to be among them and we don't have Swiffing unless you count dusting the floor, so I'm better off in that way ... although it does sound kind of fun ... kidding! I'm kidding ... get well soon, girl.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Uh oh. Trouble afoot. The Pearlster in 3rd person has entered the fray.

Go be with Dolly Gee - let Tokyo work their translators overtime! Sending healing vibes (in place of hot soup). YAM xx

Sioux said...

A hot toddy (spelling?) might help. Heavy on the toddy part... ;

sage said...

I hope you get to feeling better and are soon back on the bus seeking out new stories!

Elephant's Child said...

Dolly Gee Squeakers has the right idea. The couch is calling your name.

Gigi said...

Go snuggle with Dolly. Feel better soon, Pearl.

fishducky said...

It sounds like you are under the bus--get back inside it!!

Jono said...

I would be heavily into napping.

River said...

I can't imagine ever working from home. Home is where I put my feet up, grab a book and read the hours away.

the walking man said...

I'd suggest a career change. Something along the lines of freight train engine repair; a job impossible to do from home, with generous accumulated sick days (can't have you making the foremen sick, although they are a contagion). Perhaps when you're feeling better Pearl you could sit and write 200 canned responses and work from the beach using one connected gadget or the other?

Linda O'Connell said...

Okay, if pineapple won't work for you, try black licorice. I think I'd wait for HR to reprimand or reward you for your offhanded emails. Who knows, you may have a promotion by now. Hope you kick that crud, soon. My mother used to tell me, "Go to school; you'll feel better once you get there." Maybe our moms are related.

knittergran said...

Just give in and sleep it off.

Oh, BTW, cats know ALL!

Diane Tolley said...

Have you pooped? Let's blow smoke in those ears. You'lol feel better in no time!

Jo-Anne's Ramblings said...

I wonder how people can manage to work from home and get stuff done and not goof off too much, I love to sleep but rarely have time to do so during a day and I don't work

Geo. said...

Get well soon, Pearl. Even if it means seeing the doctor.

Rose L said...

No fun being ill, definitely not. I had a flu for 2 weeks after having got the shot that was supposed to prevent it! First time I ever did, and look what happened! My cat, Miss Kala, was so wonderful, caring and cuddling me all the time. She lulled me to sleep with her purrs and pat me when I needed some attention.

Sioux Roslawski said...

Jono and Dolly are right. 1. Nap. 2. Nap. Repeat steps 1 and 2 as needed.

Sioux Roslawski said...

Pearl--Jono and Dolly are right. 1. Nap. 2. Nap. 3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 as needed.

Sioux Roslawski said...

Pearl--Jono and Dolly had it right. 1. Nap. 2. Nap. 3. Repeat 1 and 2 as needed.

Joe Pereira said...

It's good to get back to the blogs I followed long ago for a catch up :) Pearl, you know cats know everything - please go and cuddle Molly.

Janice Wagar said...

So it's called the Crud? I've been out of commission for 10 days with it. No remedy really seems to touch it. Being retired, however, my job never leaves me and ditto the cats.

savannah said...

i hear ya, sister! JUST starting to feel better here, but just barely. xoxxo

jhon paola said...



I came across while watching movies. .Thanks for sharing..^__^..I will tell my sister and friends about your blog...pls continue to
write an article...I'm looking forward for the upcoming posts you will be posting

want to watch american and korean tv series and movies?

Any Idea Where to watch movies online?
In these days , you can Watch movie online for free without ads and payment needed.

I know we love to Watch movies online even

American Tv Series . I don't know if you are also fond of watching

Korean Tv series . My name is cielo I am a movie and tv series lover

"is now Trending"
for more trending news try to visit "

THank you ...

"gOD BLESS"







شركه مكافحه حمام said...

اذا كنت تعانى عزيزى القارئ من مشكلة تجمع الحمام فى نوافذ منزلك وعلى الاسطح وعلى اسوار الحديقة فقط كل ما عليك هو الاتصال بشركة مكافحة الحمام 0554377096-0566209743 لأننا شركة مكافحة الحمام بالدمام متخصصة فى مجال مكافحة الحمام
ووجود الحمام فى النوافذ يتسبب فى حدوث اضرار كثيرة بجانب الشكل الغير جميل للمكان نجد انها تخلف الريش وبعض من انواع البكتيريا التى تسبب تآكل المبانى الخرسانة حتى تصل الى الحديد المسلح الموجود فى الجدران ويآكل هو الاخر وينتج عن ذلك حلول اضرار جسيمة للمنزل , وليس هذا فقط بل واكثر من ذلك لأن الحمام يتسبب فى وجود الامراض لاصحاب المنزل .
لذلك تقوم شركة الرياض كلين للخدمات المنزلية بتركيب الطارد المعدنى المدبب ناحية الخارج والذى يمنع من وقوف الحمام على اسطح المنازل والنوافذ ويطرده بعيداً نهائياً .
ونضع الطارد المعدنى الوطنى المصنوع من المعدن الخالص الذى يتحمل التغيرات الجوية فلا يصدأ .

ولا يقتصر عملنا على مكافحة الحمام فثقط بل نحن شركة متخصصة فى العديد من الخدمات مثل
• مكافحة جميع انواع الحشرات .
• تنظيف فلل وبيوت وقصور .
• تنظيف جميع انواع المكيفات .
• تنظيف الكنب والمجالس .
• تنظيف السجاد والموكيت .
• تنظيف الستائر والاقمشة .
• نقل العفش مع الفك والتركيب والتغليف والتخزين .
• تسليك المجارى .
• شفط بيارات المياه .
• تنظيف وعزل خزانات المياه .
• رش مبيدات .
• رش دفان .

hitaakademi said...


Ankara'da profesyonel ağda hizmeti
ankara erkek agda hizmette
sinir tanimiyor...

VEG said...

Well I'm clearly a month late in responding to this because I have a life (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it) but I hope your vocal prowess has returned to its previous dulcet tones and is now serenading the puss patrol with soothing tunes, to keep them out of your bags.

Geo. said...

Cats don't worry. I do. It's been a month. Are you all right?

Jono said...

I often practice napping with my cats. We teach each other the finer points for times like this. Tell HR to stick it and then apologize sometime later.

Geo. said...

Pearl, it's June and I worry. Please transmit.