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Tuesday, June 7, 2016

I Haven’t Always Been as Hot as I am Now

I regularly burst into flame.

Of course, you wouldn’t know it to look at me.

Or maybe you would.  It’s hard to have one’s internal temperature moved to “Bake” – and without permission! – and not give it away.

Take, for instance, the flush of my downy pink cheeks.  There’s a giveaway.  What once spoke of a day in the sun now shouts of increasing distraction and the urge to get into some sort of hollering match, preferably one in which I am absolutely in the right, something that perhaps ends with a massage and offers of treats.

“You can’t tell by looking at you,” he says, turning on the fan.

“But it’s true,” I say.  “I’ve been set to Intermittent Broil.”

He says these things, perhaps, because it’s in his best interest.  Or so I imagine.  Frankly, while I like to envision myself as somewhat formidable, I’m just not that scary.  I rarely shout, berate, or demand, in general; but I am beginning to see why some women do.

“I see perimenopause as the reverse of puberty,” I tell a friend.  “Whatever your puberty was like, it’s going to come up again.”

She shakes her head.  “I’m gonna crawl out my bedroom window,” she says, “looking for parties.”

“Me,” I say, “I’m going to burst into tears.”

She nods.  “Probably do that, too.  Hey – can we write our boyfriends’ names over and over on something?”

“Only if you call mine and ask him if he like-likes me.”

We are quiet for a moment.

“You want to go to Dairy Queen?” she asks. 


I rise.  “Think they will let me stand in the walk-in cooler?”

37 comments:

joeh said...

They say women live an average of 7 years longer than men. What with that birth thing, the monthly thing and the change thing, I'm glad to stick with the dude thing and give up the 7 years.

Joanne Noragon said...

What if I told you I sorta skipped right through the whole affair--at age 39. Would we still be friends?

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

The floor I work on is notoriously fickle--my room freezes, my neighbor boils. The joke is that as women begin flashing, they move into the freezing rooms to level it out.

Sioux said...

If you go to Dairy Queen, ask if you can jump into the bucket of soft-serve mix they have in the walk-in. That way, you can cool off AND fill up. ;)

Jocelyn said...

I am dreading this next phase. You are not helping.

'Though Dairy Queen always helps everything.

fishducky said...

Several years ago, Bud & I took a cruise to Mexico. The ship docked near a beautiful lagoon so the passengers could go swimming in the ocean. We were in our bathing suits & my hair was soaking wet & plastered to my head. Next to us was a man with his two small children who were wondering out loud if the water was too cold to swim in. The father suggested to his kids that they ask me, because it was obvious that I had just been swimming. I hadn't gone in yet!! I don't know if I was having a hot flash or if it was the weather--or a combination of both.

Silliyak said...

I asked some people in the know, can you HAVE a hot flash if it's 115 degrees out. Apparently the answer is yes.

Ponita in Real Life said...

Even on HRT, you can tell when my broil cycle starts. The red crawls up my neck and face and into my hair. The young women I work with come up to me with their cold hands and stick them on my bare arms. Feels great to both of us! I cool down, they warm up. This better end soon. I'm 58 and really don't want to be doing this crap for many more years. Already been close to a decade. Hopefully yours will be a shorter stint than mine, Pearl!

Elephant's Child said...

Sigh. I suspect that it the only way I was ever HOT. And I hated it. Proof positive to be careful what you wish for.

NotesFromAbroad said...

This is the time in your life that you will look forward to winter .. snow will thrill you .. the words Cold Front make you tingle ... and you won't need as many scarves, coats and mittens .. a light jacket ought to do you.
Welcome to That Time of Life.

NotesFromAbroad said...

PS ... a fan on you at night might be the only way to fall asleep .. Be sure to tell anyone who rides in the car with you that the a./c will be on ... you don't give a damn if it is January. . Stay away from Sugar.
I know .. it is the one thing that might make you feel better but it won't .. sugar increases hot flashes.
So eating ice cream before bed will cool you off but the flashes will keep you up all night.
love you

Gigi said...

I suspect I'm in the beginning stages and from what I hear it's only going to get worse. Unless I get as lucky as Joanne Noragon...which I seriously doubt.

sage said...

I read the title and thought, "I bet she's hot, just like fruit ripening with age" but I knew that wasn't what you talked about. I'm glad to miss out on this experience by virtue of gender

Connie said...

Been there, done that. You have my sympathies. One word of encouragement, though, it does eventually get better.

Should Fish More said...

Because of the (ahem)infrequency of your posts, I usually make some, if however inane, comment. This on I ain't touching. My Cary left this stage in '96, but still advises me at times. She said "Honey, just move along to the next fishing blog, you got nothing to say here."

Chicken said...

Hi Pearl,

It's the age of the button sweater. Pullovers can't be ripped off fast enough. I'll share my secret, and I'm not being funny. Meditation. I've been doing it for a couple of years now. It controls it. Even 15 minutes a day will keep it at bay. I wasn't trying to make a rhyme but heeeyyy, look at that. My father would have said I was a poet and didn't know it but my feet showed it because they are.....Longfellow's. I know.

Linda O'Connell said...

Pearl, I know of what you speak. At 45, I felt like I was having a false pregnancy, boobs grew and ached; I flamed, didn't just flash. Doctor put me on HRT, which made my skin crawl. So I stopped it. The symptoms completely stopped after four months. NO HRT for me. I do have to pluck a couple chin and big toe hairs, and use extra, moisturizer, but over and out with that mess! Hope you zip right through it, too.

River said...

Just don't be talked into taking HRT pills. They'll stop those hot flushes, but when you eventually stop taking them, your body reacts the same as when the natural hormones quit. I'm very close to 64 and once again going through annoying hot flushes and outbreaks of pimples. Not as severe as what drove me to the HRT, but very hard to live with just the same.

Rose L said...

I am hot as well. Sometimes I will feel like I am roasting from the inside out. Then I strip down and stretch out. Within 30 minutes I suddenly feel chilled. As soon as I wrap myself up like a burrito I start simmering again and have to drop blanket and stand in front of the fan. Not fun at all.

jenny_o said...

Since the last time you raised this topic, my warm flashes (I never had the really bad ones) have waved good-bye and left me in an almost perpetually good mood. I know. I'll go away now. No, I'll run, actually. Good luck. I'm not much help, but I'm still on your side.

Diane Tolley said...

20 years. It's been 20 years of turning to cinders and ash! I'm here in the Dairy Queen freezer. There's room for you . . .

Douglas said...

I tell Faye her thermostat is on the fritz but she just hollers at me.

fmcgmccllc said...

I once went an entire winter barely wearing a coat. Now I just flash on occasion.

Dawn@Lighten Up! said...

Heeheehee! Oh, Pearlie. You are so...well...
Hot.

injaynesworld said...

Still making me laugh, my friend. Thank God all that crap is in my rear-view mirror now.

Launna said...

Pearl, I am with you on being hot... lol... I feel like my head may have flames coming out of it from time to time... if they let you have out in the cooler at Dairy Queen, let me know, I will reach out to my Dairy Queen too xox

Jono said...

Wow!It's puberty in reverse, sort of. The difference is that if I thought you were hot then I would still think you are hot. It is one of those rare occasions that I am right.

Watson said...

I did it early and got it over and done with. Hope you have a short shift Pearl. Like Chicken, meditation did help me as well. Learning to relax is always useful.
Love from the west coast where it used to rain a lot of cool water... now, not so much.

VEG said...

Man, being a woman is the worst thing sometimes. First we have the period business and the cramps (love those), then when that stops we have to look forward to suffering the hot flashes and mood swings and night sweats and all that. WHEN DO WE GET A CHANCE TO CHILL, damn it!? Literally!

Catalyst said...

And I thought it was hot down here in Arizona.

bill lisleman said...

I agree with Joeh's comment.
Any news on this internal heat effect on blog writing?

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari om
Oh you know I'sa been there done that...but Pearl, I can te!l ya it eventually gets better... after it got worse, of course... YAMxx

savannah said...

I got nothing. xoxoxoxo

Shilpa Chandrasekheran said...

I always wish I show a red flag or zip it . I hate being a girl at times !
http://shilpachandrasekheran.blogspot.ae/?m=1

Heidrun Khokhar, KleinsteMotte said...

Just so you know the hot stuff cools down with age it never completely goes away even for many seniors. And being naughty may also carry forward. In fact for some that increases.

NotesFromAbroad said...

Ahh yes, I am reminded of when I was able to go to the mailbox when it was deep cold winter, without a coat. It does get better and if you figure out what triggers them it gets more bearable, like No SUGAR !!
I remember the days when I would snuggle up to my husband to get warm in deep NY winters, then came the day he was snuggling up to me to get warm !
Stay away from Sugar and Caffeine and you will be cranky but the flashes are less horrible.

WrathofDawn said...

Layers, baby. Easily removed layers. Then practice the mantra from The Karate Kid, slightly altered:

Layer on... layer off... rinse and repeat.