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Friday, November 6, 2015

Well That’s One Way of Keeping Warm


 The sun, having heard that Minneapolis has cast furtive glances at its stockpile of cozy sweaters and corduroy pants, has cooled in her affection for us.  The temperature drops daily, and the citizens of Our Great City rub their hands together, exhale hotly onto their exposed fingertips.

Summer!  I sunburnt once this year – just a little bit! – and I never did get a tan.  There is nothing I can do about it now. 

We head to the cookbooks.  Indian, Thai, Mexican, anything where the tongue can be fooled into thinking that it may have struck out on its own, perhaps flown off to somewhere warm, where dark-eyed men with enterprising moustaches offer bowls of fragrant happiness…

Three jalapenos, the recipe said.  Seeds are optional.

Optional?!!  Say no more, my good man.  Any time a recipe suggests “optional” to me, I suggest that it does not know who it is dealing with. 

I chop and core three jalapenos.  Keep their little seeds.

It’s not long after that, whilst brushing my hair from my face, that I notice my cheek is burning.  And my left ear.  And the right side of my chin.  And the center of my chest.  And a portion of my forehead.

And it occurs to me, something I read about wearing rubber gloves when dealing with jalapenos…

But!  These were grown in Minnesota!  Surely a little home-grown veggie wouldn’t burn like one grown in, say, Texas?

For a bright woman, I am surprising stupid at times.

The red splotches on my face will burn for hours.

I made salsa to remind me of summer.  And just like that, summer is back.


35 comments:

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

I have done that. Oh my, those little suckers can really burn ( we never get to see what it does to our insides). After trying everything to lessen the pain, the only remedy was sticking my injured hands in cold milk. I guess it would be hard to do that with your ear though. However, it might work with the chin.

Launna said...

Too bad I didn't like jalapenos.. I might get warmed up... If I ever cook with them I will remember to wear gloves xox

joeh said...

Ouch!

Funny, I never thought of it before, but optional kinda does mean add extra!

jenny_o said...

I thought chocolate was the cure. Apply a thin layer. Thick layer optional. Let us know how it goes.

And may I just say "ouch" on your behalf.

fmcgmccllc said...

Hope the salsa was good.

Elephant's Child said...

Years back my partner made a 40 chili curry. And understood what a 'burning ring of fire' really meant.
Chili juice in the eyes isn't good either. And it is also a good reason to wash ones hands BEFORE that pit-stop as well as after.

Delores said...

Well at least you are warm in those few spots.

sage said...

Rub your eyes after chopping peppers and you'll no longer think summer, but hell! I hope your sausa turned out weel.

fishducky said...

Just because seeds & skin start with the same letter doesn't necessarily mean that they go well together!!

Marty Damon said...

I guess I've become a true New Englander - I avoid jalapeños of any description.

Sioux said...

These days, I really appreciate spicy foods. I think it's my aged taste buds that cry for more flavor.

vanilla said...

I once processed the serrano crop with my bare hands. Surprisingly stupid is not unique to bright women in Minnesota.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

The trick is to rub sour cream or yogurt all over your burned skin once you're done. That's what I heard.

Sweaters and cords. Yeah, you nailed it.

NotesFromAbroad said...

You can make a compress with cotton,tissue , gauze, whatever and soak it in milk them hold it on your skin.

River said...

That red burning on your face is why I can't eat chilies of any kind. I get the redness burning through from the inside, the heat goes after a day or so but the redness keeps on a while longer.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
Oh yeah, nothing like a chili burn to say 'tropicana' and b****r that hurts... meanwhile, I have just brought myself Down to the Under for a couple of months of warm weather. Only to arrive in the coolest, wettest spring in decades... sigh.... YAM xx

Jocelyn said...

Praise Leif Erickson you didn't rub your eyes, girlfriend!

Jo-Anne's Ramblings said...

Well someone won't make that mistake again, or will she

Eileen B said...

Get more jalapenos and rub them all over your exposed skin next time you have to go out in an Alberta Clipper. I don't know if it will help you feel your face and fingers any better in below zero and 30 mph, but I'd like to find out. You first.

Should Fish More said...

You're an odd one, Pearl. I assume you found what I have in the past; the sting, burn, etc goes away with an hour or so. Last fall I seeded some Hatch chili's after roasting, without gloves....I regretted it for hours.

Daisy said...

Uh oh. That's one kind of heat you don't need.

Linda O'Connell said...

Yikes! That's a hard HOT lesson learned. Hope you have a great week.

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

Oh, they're sneaky little devils, those seeds! I've done that, too. Hope this unexpected heat is over soon!

the walking man said...

Yogurt them red splotches or push your face into a bucket of milk. Dairy neutralizes Capsaicin.

Jono said...

Keep your hot little fingers away from any tender parts of your own or anyone else's.

Watson said...

My brother used to snack on those fiery buggers. Maybe his weren't as potent. I had the sense not to try it! Hope it didn't ruin your "cool", Pearl!

Catalyst said...

Oh, come on. Jalapenos are nothing. It's when you get to the Habaneros or the Scotch Bonnets that you may want to whine.

Suldog said...

"... enterprising moustaches..."

That is now one of my favorite descriptions, ever. Wonderful!

By the way, the trick I learned, a long time ago was that eating some bread will relieve a magnificent amount of the heat if you eat hot stuff. I don't know if it would translate to rubbing bread on your face, but maybe worth a try the next time (if there is a next time, which I doubt because you're an intelligent person.)

Chicken said...

Maybe an aloe plant in your sunroom would also remind you of summer and be a neutralizer for your jalapeno affliction

Chicken said...

The aloe is optional of course (I totally know how to control your every move now bwah hahahaha)

Geo. said...

There are many pleasures in life --none of them include jalapenos. Lord knows I've tried.

jeanie said...

I love how people are offering you options to salve your skin.

"put milk on it"
"put butter on it"
"put sour cream on it"
"add some grated cheese, a few corn chips and a willing partner - but I suggest don't allow said partner to ingest any salsa first, as it may cause complications...

Geo. said...

My tastes have, in a single week, adjusted to chocolate infused with chili. This only encourages people who want me to try it in other things. A strange enthusiasm of our time.

Mark In Mayenne said...

Merry Christmas, Pearl

Geo. said...

Pearl, all my best compliments of the season. Good wishes for the new year.