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Friday, October 23, 2015

Long Time No See! What Are YOU Doing on This Floor? or The Bathroom’s Where Now?

The bathroom at work, for the next three weeks, is on the 54th floor.

Coinciding with this is the introduction of an espresso machine, mere yards from my desk, on the 53rd.

To further layer these events, the bathroom on 54 requires a security badge, both to get in and out of the room.

You see, we here at Acme Gravel and Grommets take our security very seriously.  Sure, you claim to be yourself on the way in to the bathroom, but can you say the same on the way out? 

Can you? 

Can you prove it?

The cries of those who get in on the tails of others and are now stranded, card-less, are piteous.

I consider all of this from my desk, late Thursday morning.  Tweaked on espresso, I simultaneously compose an e-mail, take a soapy toothbrush to some of the last file folders on the planet, and, wide-eyed and twitchy, plan my next trip to the bathroom.

There’s something about having to walk down a flight of stairs and then further in to the bowels, as it were, of another floor for something so simple as relieving one’s self that makes one pause.

Wait too long – as all American office workers do – and you may find yourself doing an interesting and potentially undignified dance.

We take for granted the little things, don’t we?  Heating.  Tarred roads.  Rooves and/or roofs.  Plumbing. 

I check the ceilings for cameras.  In a world of self-locking bathrooms, perhaps the simultaneous arrival of both the updating of the bathrooms and the espresso machine are a test of some sort.  But of what?  Project management?  Spatial awareness?  Bladder control? 

Shaking a clenched fist at the ceiling, I vow to endure this latest first-world problem.  Like one-ply toilet paper and lotion that smells like lavender, not the geranium I prefer, a bathroom one floor down is really nothing.

Still.  I shall shake my fist.

And like my pioneering foremothers, I shall rise to the occasion. 



27 comments:

sage said...

There is something nice about having a bathroom in my office... sorry to rub that in, but not really. It is one of the few perks I have.

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fmcgmccllc said...

It makes perfect sense to me, but I worked in automotive.

jenny_o said...

I am just grateful for an indoor loo. Missed its predecessor by 1/2 a generation. If you realize that means I didn't fully miss it, you would be right.

However.

It still shouldn't be on a different floor, and so fraught with barriers. That's just wrong, wrong, wrong.

Delores said...

Waaaallll....I recalls me the tam I had to walk down 54 flights of stars to the little old shack out back in 40 degree below zero weather and when I got myself thar, thar was no catalogie to use fer...wal...you know what fer. Feel better about your one flight to indoor plumbing now lol.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
...providing coffee??? Even one cup is diuretic. They know that. Some new ploy of 'time and motion'??? How's the knee??? YAM xx

Glen said...

up or down to the 54th? I can't concentrate while needing the loo :-)

Jono said...

At work the bathrooms are a little too close, but at home I can just go outside if I feel like it. I know the deer won't be offended.

Catalyst said...

I'm confused. You said your office is on the 53rd floor and the "facilities" are on the 54th yet you have to walk down a floor to get to them.

Elephant's Child said...

After a trip to India a flushing toilet has remained high on my list of essential luxuries. Closer than the next floor is desirable though.

joeh said...

Sneaking in and not being able to get out...there is a situation comedy in the waiting...very Seinfeldian.

Joanne Noragon said...

Expresso machine--sinister.

Jacquelineand.... said...

Perhaps they wanted a waterfall feature and found it would be too expensive?

vanilla said...

What Catalyst and others said. Confused me, too.

River said...

Is your building numbered from top to bottom? Or is is constructed into the bowels of the earth, since that is the only other way the 54th floor can be below 53rd.
Have you considered a porta-potty beside your desk?

jeanie said...

One place I work, the facilities are RIGHT NEXT to the tea and coffee facilities. The tea and coffee facilities where folk tend to gather and chat. The facilities with one non-soundproof wall between them and this gathered group.

There are some crossed legs on occasion - although involving a stairwell is a masterstroke.

Linda O'Connell said...

I think it is a study on bladder control. I shake my visit at the ceiling also, but usually in the casino that offers buy one get one lunch on Tuesdays...which always cost full price by the time we leave there.

Geo. said...

"...bathroom...requires a security badge, both to get in and out..."??? Pearl, my 1st action would be a heads-up to the Fire Marshall. Buildings undergo yearly Fire Dept. inspections here to correct any door hardware that might impede evacuation (bldg. evacuation, not bladder), Lives could be lost if anybody can't get out of a room.

Watson said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling confused by going down from 53 to 54! Do I have that right? I'm now more confused, must be this cold!

Pearl, I just love having you back again!

the walking man said...

Revolt and move your desk to close proximity to the bathroom, create a memo from you to you stating this is a must as you have now been assigned keeper of the potty along with your other duties. Do this and your phone, and other necessaries will follow--including the espresso machine.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that needing a key to get OUT of the bathroom was probably a man's idea... like the man who designed the new very large ladies room at the company I worked for that only had one 40 watt light bulb so "no one could read the newspaper in there".

Crazy!

xo jj

Suldog said...

Security pass to leave the bathroom... maybe they think terrorists will get into the 54th floor bathroom via heating ducts, lie in wait for an unsuspecting worker inside a stall and then grab the badge? It boggles the mind (among other things.)

By the way, thank you. You are the first person I've seen use the spelling I was taught - rooves - in many years (although you hedged your bet with the more common - at least, these days - spelling of "roofs", but I guess that's understandable.)

Geo. said...

Several days ago I tried commenting on this post but it apparently went astray --or met with disapproval. It was something about contacting the fire marshal about the possibility of people not able to leave the lavatories during an emergency if they had no pass-card to get out. Hope the problems have been corrected.

Bouncin Barb said...

PEARLLLLL.....How have you been? I'm not sure why I lost you on my blog list. Looks like you've been quite busy writing. Good for you! Hugs and congrats!

Pat Tillett said...

Just another example of the working man/woman getting trampled by the man...

NotesFromAbroad said...

I didn't even have to read the story- the title made me Laugh out loud .. my bladder is controlled at this time but I have heard dire warnings about not "stretching " it ... good god.

Antares said...

Pearl, I lol for the first time in a long time. We saw this coming and then civilization breaks down and then we have to start all over and then robots will take over because we are whining about the utterly absurd.