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Monday, April 27, 2015

Do What You Can; or Breaking it Down to Its Most Manageable Bits

I have painted my nails a dark red.  Short nails at the end of fingers on a small hand, I stare at them.

The boiler in a rental unit has died.  The fascia and soffit on the garage has gone soft and splintered in the misguided rain.  A stained glass window is broken and must be replaced.

And I am getting a divorce.

In preparation of the upcoming move, I have been packing my life away. 

The house has never been cleaner.

I rise from the couch and head to the porch, where I put my earbuds in.  There is a man and a dog in the park across the street, and I watch as master hurls ball and loyal sidekick chases.

I light a cigarette.

When I finish, I go through all my books, wipe them off and separate them into “take” and “donate”. 

I am both impressed and horrified by the collection. 

Over the next three hours, I work.  One thing begets another: stacks of books are moved from the three-season porch, the shelves, from piles on the hardwood floor and then into boxes.  I break the vacuum down to the wand, suck up whorls of dusty clouds, then, dissatisfied, pull the bucket from under the kitchen sink and scrub on my hands and knees.  The house smells of PineSol.

Suddenly, I am tired. 

As if from a dream, I look down.  My nails are chipped; and in two cases, broken.  I have a shallow cut on the inside of an index finger.

And after a moment of staring, I go back to the couch, reach for the lotion, the clippers and the polish.


This, I can fix. 

32 comments:

vanilla said...

We fix what we can. For the rest, we pray for grace and strength. Hang in there.

Marty Damon said...

Surely even for Sisyphus that boulder got a little lighter on its way of the hill, pieces and chips being worn off as he went.

Mary Koppel said...

Ah dear Pearl - this too shall pass, although never fast enough and the middle just sucks -

Dawn@Lighten Up! said...

That's right, Pearl, you can fix it. Everything will be fine.

Joanne Noragon said...

Every day is another day behind. The way sill grow lighter.

Daisy said...

Knowing what to take and what to leave behind and knowing what can be fixed and what can't will get you where you need to be. Hugs to you, Pearl.

Joseph Pulikotil said...

Hello greetings and good wishes.

I can see you are going through a difficult time. But time will slowly pass and you will find a way to get over this challenge also.

My best wishes

Eileen said...

Sending lots of lurve.

jenny_o said...

Just keep swimming ...

fishducky said...

Hang in there, Pearlie!!

ThreeOldKeys said...

Hey Pearl ... [insert words of wisdom here]. Also, I've learned that [add some sage advice].

Not only that, but [conclude with a hilarious but encouraging joke].

Geo. said...

Always, in combination with the gentle perceptive humor of your writing, I've detected admirable strength --but never so keenly as now.

Cheryl said...

Mary's with you, right? Having her as a best friend, along with the rest of your motley admirers, will get you through this. It's just like a colonoscopy - you barely know what happened til you're out of there!

Hugs from the heart of the Rocky Mountains.

Cheryl

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
the resort of the numb... cleaning and pampering. You don't need my words. Just the hugs and love and prayers for your easing. Onto it. YAM xx

savannah said...

*hugs* xoxoxoxox

wellfedfred said...

Please don't for a minute feel that you're alone.
xxx

Silliyak said...

Hope knowing how many people care will help somewhat.

Gigi said...

Oh Pearl...I'm sending you as much love as I can. Hang in there.

Delores said...

Keep your sense of humour alive Pearl...it will save you.

maurcheen said...

Mwah!

maurcheen said...

Mwah!

Should Fish More said...

Geez, this sucks, eh? Planned, surprised, instigated, blamed,it's all the same in the end....it'll be over, you'll be diffent, but ok.

Keep in touch, young lady. You have apparently many people who care about you, at least here in the ether....

Camille said...

Ah me. How sad I feel in what you must endure right now Pearl. I have been absent in comments due to job changes but never far away from your words and observations. Am holding you tight in my heart right now. Hugs. X

Sioux said...

Pearl--I'm sorry. But you have hundreds--no, thousands--of people who laugh with you and will lend you their shoulder if you need it.

Sometimes curling up for a nap with a kitty is quite comforting... at least for an hour or so.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

This, and so much more. You got this, Pearl. You got this.

Jo-Anne's Ramblings said...

All you can do is take it one day at a time

Christine said...

It is times like this that I wish I could be a person who knows just what to say. Instead, I'll just fumble through, letting you know that I'll be thinking of you during these difficult days.

River said...

The previous commenters have left me nothing to add. Just know that we're all thinking of you as you go through this.

Ms Scarlet said...

Hang on in there, flower.
Sx

Pat said...

The best is yet to come.

Watson said...

What Daisy, and so many others have said. You are strong, vibrant, smart, wise and courageous...and we love you.

Deborah said...

hugs my friend