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Thursday, March 12, 2015

And His Shoes Make Him Run Faster and Jump Higher, Too

You remember my friend T, right? The man who believes almost every woman he sees is beautiful? The man whose sudden and pert-near evangelical love of his lawn (The Book of Scotts Turf Builder) has changed his brown weedy yard to a lush, green carpet?

He now has furniture concerns.

To wit, he believes his dresser drawers are up to no good.

“Everything I put in there comes out smaller,” he says. “My t-shirts are all tight in the middle. They didn’t used to be!”

That’s right. The dresser in T’s bedroom is shrinking his clothes.

I’ve seen T’s dresser. It’s a battered blonde wood piece of furniture with missing drawer pulls – and while I’ve always stood four-square against this very type of dresser, it does not appear to be any more a clothing-shrinker than my own.

And none of my shirts are, uh, too small.

None! I don’t care what you’ve heard!

Of course, T may claim that it is faulty furniture that has caused his t-shirts to reduce in size, there is also the fact that cotton t-shirts and hot dryers are natural enemies.

There’s also something to be said of his love of the all-you-can-eat banquet.

For now, however, I will play along with his dresser drawer theory. Why not? It makes as much sense as his belief that there are beautiful women everywhere he goes; and maybe I’ll get a free t-shirt out of the deal.

20 comments:

Dawn@Lighten Up! said...

I think T is right. Not about his shirts, about the women. We're all beautiful. Every one.

vanilla said...

A man whose world contains none but beautiful women is a blessed man, regardless the fit of the T-shirts.

Rose Blackthorn said...

He's definitely on to something. Every woman is beautiful.

Also, his theory about the dresser could explain why my t-shirts and pants are becoming too tight.

Pearl said...

Dawn, I think you're right!

vanilla, and I think you're right, too! :-)

jenny_o said...

T is a wise man. Or he has poor eyesight. Either way, he's probably happy.

Glen said...

It makes sense to me - my laundry basket makes one sock disappear every day.

Only one, mind you. never a pair.

joeh said...

Interesting theory, I think my bathroom scale is also in on the conspiracy.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Ahhhhh, of course..... YAM xx

Shoshanah Lee Marohn said...

Self-deluded people are certainly happiest! My cat believes the flower pot is shrinking, too.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/11066787_10153177551264162_7950196381785347406_n.jpg?oh=36594236cd0d8018b4b750d62b6cc192&oe=558AE472&__gda__=1434818829_08c9af2a585cc0255adb0de31409f0b8

Shelly said...

All things grow well in Florida; lawns and people alike.

Geo. said...

On the side of caution, don't get too close to T's dresser. The older ones are not always properly shielded, nor is the effect confined to the drawers.

Elephant's Child said...

Love his attitude.
And he is lucky that his dresser is content to merely shrink things, and doesn't feel the need to chew buttons and nibble holes in the fabric.

Merlesworld said...

All my furniture is related to his they are making my clothes smaller too.
Merle............

ThreeOldKeys said...

You used an expression I grew up with ... but I pert-near didn't recognize it. I grew up with the more formal version, prit-near.

Also, my violets are shrinking.

River said...

Gotta love a man who thinks all women are beautiful.
And now I have an explanation for my too tight jeans that simply cannot be buttoned. At all. I knew the cause wasn't all that ice cream, but nobody would believe me.

NotesFromAbroad said...

T goes out with you, you are beautiful, therefore T sees beauty wherever he goes .. this makes sense to me, before my first cuppa coffee today.
I think you are beautiful ..

NotesFromAbroad said...

ThreeOldKeys mentions your use of "pert near"..
I grew up in North Carolina ... when I read it .. it made perfect sense then when I read ThreeOldKeys comment, I realized, I never hear it anymore.
I might move South .. no snow and people talk nice.;)

Linda O'Connell said...

Maybe you could swap him a pair of glasses for a few T shirts without holes.

Chicken said...

I totally believe in all that metaphysical bureau woo hoo stuff. My bureau is similarly up to no good. I think there's a ring of them around the country communicating telepathically.

Daisy said...

Ah yes, sometimes it is best to just agree and play along. What's the harm if he believes in a little fantasy. :)