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Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Wherein I Find Tim Conway in my Muffler

A re-post!  Enjoy, while I wrap my head around other projects...

“Tell me again,” he says. “What’s wrong with your car?”

“Besides the leprosy?”

Jon stares at me. I sigh. “Well, it sounds like a two-seater airplane.”

“One of those kinds with a woman strapped to a wing,” Mary prompts.

“Yes,” I say. “One of those.”

“And the pilot wears one of those leather caps,” she says.

Jon gives us a cockeyed look, shakes his head slightly. “Let’s go ahead and drive it around the back,” he says.

And so we’ve come to another Saturday, another day given over to the care and feeding of the car Maryna charmingly refers to as my “piece of sheet”, as in “Pearl! Ees not right, beautiful woman in piece of sheet car!  You’re not ashamed?”

I laugh at her, of course. It’s a one-payment car that runs and has heat, not to mention the luxury of sporting a look that guarantees it will never be stolen.

Jon moves around to the rear of the car where he is hoping that a bit of carpeting maneuvered under the back end will entice the two of us to crawl under it, the better to see how truly damaged it is.

Not surprisingly, we are less than enthusiastic about an up-close view of the exhaust system.

“Hey, Mare,” he says, “remember when I was telling you about glasspac mufflers?”

This is not Jon.

Mary comes around to the dual exhaust and lets out a yelp. “Holy Hannah!” she cries. “You’ve got a wig stuck in your muffler!”

“That’s the fiberglass in the muffler I was telling you about,” Jon says.

Mary is not to be educated at this point, however, and alternates between crouching to look closer and jumping back. “You’ve killed Mrs. Whiggins’ boss!” she howls.

Jon stares at me.

“Carol Burnett Show,” I say.

He nods, lights a Black and Mild (Original Plastic Tip).

“So can you fix it?”

He frowns at me, purses his lips in a look that says, “Woman, please.”

We turn to where Mary is still hunkered down. Laughing to herself, she looks up. “Pearl! You’ve got a wig in your tailpipe!  And no -- that is not a euphemism for something else.” This strikes her as incredibly funny, and she shakes her head, laughs until tears roll down her face.

I look at Jon. He nods and grins, digs an elbow into my ribs. “I can get 'er done," he says, "But I’m going to need you to distract Mary for a while.”


Anonymous said...

Mary's having way too much fun over your 'piece of sheet' car.

joeh said...

I only need to hear
"Misses ah Whiggins" To maske me laugh every time.

Shelly said...

Your muffler is a time machine. And how do you distract Mary?

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
An oldie but a goodie!!! No sheet-piece, this writing... YAM xx

jenny_o said...

Having a friend who is mechanically inclined is a godsend. And having a comedian married to a friend who is mechanically inclined is the icing on the cake!

Elephant's Child said...

Big, big smiles. Again.

ThreeOldKeys said...

No, it's not a furball.

It's a Tudball.

River said...

"Woman, please", I know that look so well. Got it from my husband once as he took the hammer from me, telling me I hit like a girl.
A wig in a muffler had me worrying that you'd run over someone and not noticed!
Glad you have Jon to fix these things, but you'd better keep Mary distracted.

Sioux's Page said...

Obviously, you and Mary need to go in and have a drink and enjoy a nibble tray while Jon fixes the car.

The Carol Burnette Show. What a classic. Do you remember when they did a "Gone With the Wind" parody and Carol came down the staircase in the drapes... AND the drapery rod?

Rose L said...

At least it wasn't a cat in the engine! Yep, happened to my mother and she had it towed to three places before one would remove what was left and fix the belt!
She felt so bad for the cat and now knocks a lot of times on her hood to make sure to wake any cats warming up inside and make them run!

Simply Suthern said...

I've seen minnows in an intake but never a wig in a muffler.