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Thursday, January 15, 2015

Rolls of Fat and Other Surprises

I was sitting at my desk the other day, casually taking inventory of my faults (inclined to eat large amounts of chocolate in one sitting without regard to caloric intake; development of new roll around mid-section – perhaps related to uncontrolled chocolate fetish; failure to take up boxing like I had planned; failure to win the lottery; failure to develop long, elegant legs like I’ve always wanted…) when I noticed that I can be hard on myself.

When did this start?

It wasn’t always that way. Me and myself, we used to be pretty tight (please note use of only partially out-dated slang!). I liked me, thought I was funny, thought I had a nice head of hair, knew I could rely on me for those weird Trivia Pursuit-style questions.

But in the last year, I’ve started to question me, my taste in things, people. You know how that goes, right? One minute you’re absolutely sure of who your people are and how you feel about things, and the next minute you’re saying things like “But I’ve always spelled it that way! Are you telling me I’ve been spelling that wrong for all these years?!”

Yes, it’s possible that you’ve/I’ve been spelling it wrong. All these years.

I’ve decided that that’s okay, that there’s still plenty of time to turn this all around.

I don’t normally make New Year’s Resolutions, but I ain’t never had a year like last year, either, so why not just continue on this path of self-discovery? Join me, won’t you, in my quest to figure out the answer to that age-old question:

Where You At?

1. My physical health: As adorable as a little pudge can be, I think my usefulness to the tribe will continue for a while longer before they put me out on an ice floe. No point in storing up just yet.
2. My mental health: Yep. Still there, thanks to dear friends (both on and off line) and yoga. I shall continue to pursue both mental and physical flexibility, which brings me to…
3. Drinking. I shall continue to do that as well, but will try to cut down on the number of people I demand to arm wrestle once properly soused.
4. Writing. Yes. Continue.
5. As a side-note to the writing and in deference to paying more attention to my physical health, I shall endeavor to no longer continue to write once I realize I should run to the bathroom. I know I’m not alone out there! Show of hands: how many people continue to work on the computer well after having been informed by their body that they need a break?!

Anyway, that’s my plan for the year.

I’m going to be way nicer to me.


28 comments:

Dawn@Lighten Up! said...

Pearlie! If you have to poop, stop typing and go poop!

vanilla said...

So no extreme changes, except for the relief breaks. Good.

NotesFromAbroad said...

<>

That is a Fault ????? Oh my god :(
I thought I had no faults.
Bummer.

Daisy said...

Seems like a sound plan. I need to put a couple of those on my list too.

*Timidly raises hand with regards to the bathroom break question.*

Silliyak said...

Where I volunteer, I regularly say "I don't need to come here for this kind of abuse, I can get this at home" The truth is, I carry it around in my head where ever I go. At least it's immediately available if needed.

joeh said...

I cut down on the booze years ago...not quit, just stopped getting fall down drunk every night. Glass here, glass there and I'm ok, but if I threw back a few extras I bet I could pin our arm in just minutes.

As regards to the computer/nature calls dilemma...wireless.

Funny stuff...again.

jenny_o said...

My plan is not to spend so much time worrying about spelling. A couple of years ago, I found out I was misspelling "wiener" my whole life. Today I double-checked (because I can never remember the new improved spelling) and found out that "weiner" is a variant that's quite okay. All that self-flagellation for nothing!

And the reading audience can just get their minds out of the gutter now :)

jenny_o said...

And I'm so glad you're planning to keep writing. I only pray that some of it will continue to be here.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Oh yeah, this hand is up, typing one handed here...

Spelling? pshawh! Despite my best efforts to use the English I was taught (the original mind you), autospellers and spell-checkers insist I am getting it wrong.... good thing I have a 'stuff you' button on hand...

Funny thing, I scribbled on matter pudgy today too...

Writing. Keep writing. Write in your head at all times. Then put it here when you are not spending pennies...

JUST KEEP WRITING PEARL!!!
A polite request is all... ((((((U)))))) YAM xx

Delores said...

Yep....hands up.....number 5 for sure.

Buttons said...

Hands up:) Hug B

Elephant's Child said...

Add me to the sea of hands.

fmcgmccllc said...

Yep, just remember humans and dogs are the only ones to get bladder infections as they tend to "hold it".

I plan on becoming a queen, not sure how to do that yet, but investigations are underway.

Mary Koppel said...

Like the kinder to elf concept - brilliant. And now that child number two surprised us with Scottish titles as a holiday gift, it's time to get in shape as I'm now Lady Mary. He purchased two square feet of land in Scotland to acquire said titles - come with expectations, I'm certain.

Joanne Noragon said...

"Just one more minute...." is the road to disaster.

Gigi said...

Hmmm, interesting. Exactly WHAT is a bathroom break?

Linda O'Connell said...

Just when I vowed to write and submit, the computer conked. Can't win,

Catalyst/Taylor said...

I'm with those who encourage you, nay DEMAND that you continue writing.

And I, too, must raise my hand. Fleetingly though cuz I gotta pee.

Rose L said...

YES! Listening to the bladders hints which eventually develop into demands is now much more important, especially in public places! I find that trying to move quickly with your legs twisted tight together is not easy to do!!

Jocelyn said...

"Be nicer to me" is about the only resolution I can get behind. That rules.

Oh, and you're gorgeous and smart and funny, so lay the eff off yourself (I'll not hear a word against you) before I drive down there and start hollering that you've. been. spelling. it. wrong. all. these. years.

Wait. What?

River said...

Oh yes, that's me too. Wriggling, squirming, telling myself I'll go in a minute; sometimes that feeling actually goes away and I don't need to get up. But not if I've been drinking coffee, then it's 'go now or else'.
Along with many others, yes, please keep writing.

Launna said...

Pearl, I think what we say to ourselves is more hurtful than what anyone else can say to us... We can change it around though, I wish you much success xox

Watson said...

Well Pearl, I think you are perfect just as you are. But definitely go with resolution #4

sage said...

I'd write more but nature is calling (oh yeah, and I have a meeting in 15 minutes so I really better be going) :)

Eileen B said...

Spelled "raisins" as "raisEns" for years until I got caught spelling it that way on a very large printing of a pamphlet. Some mistakes a person remembers even if they seem like a logical thing to do. Other things, like scarfing down chocolate at every opportunity --- I never seem to learn.

Diane Tolley said...

Number 5, yes. Definitely. All others, I'm fuzzy on . . .

vanilla said...

For the love of your Dad, check out this post by Grace.

http://www.dragonsalley.com/2015/01/blog-post.html

injaynesworld said...

If you're really feeling bad about yourself watch Honey Boo Boo or Duck Dynasty. Now those people should feel back about themselves!