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Monday, November 17, 2014

Monday Morning: or My Bus is Bigger Than Your Bus

Six-thirty-something a.m.  Minneapolis is a cold, dark place, a place where, 150 years or so ago, a band of dour Norwegian bachelor farmers stopped their oxen, looked around, and muttered, “Oh, vell.  Vhy not.”

And lo these many years gone by, we continue, both the Norwegian and your standard Wegian, to look around, shrug, and mutter “Oh, well....”

These are the thoughts I have on this, a Monday, the 17th of November.

The bus arrives, as the bus is wont to do, and I step, gratefully, into its warm, utilitarian embrace. I wave my bus pass in front of the doohickey until it beeps, then proceed to my favorite seat, the seat I will always take if it is available, the seat up those last two steps at the back of the bus, next to the back door and the dark, domed lens of the video camera.

Rest assured, people, that should anything felonious/interesting happen to me on the bus, it is my fondest wish that it be videotaped.

Seated, I leave the rest of the commute to the bus driver.  O, how I love him/her.  Their chosen occupation leaves me free to file my nails, place random texts to friends I suspect are also up at this hour, stare out the window at other buses…

The light turns red, and we come to a stop as another bus pulls up, also stops.

I find myself staring out the window at the passengers on this other bus.

I turn back to my bus.  We have 20 people, not including the bus driver.

I turn back to their bus.  I count 18 people.

And just like that, I am wondering if we can take them in a fight.  That one guy up front, the one with the cane and the shaky walk, I’m willing to bet he can swing that thing when called upon to do so.  The black pony-tailed Hispanic gals – how much Spanish do I know, anyway?  We’ll have to pantomime the whole “I’ll go high, you go low” bit, but they look sturdy.

I look over at the other bus.  Pffft.  Three of their guys are sleeping, heads against the glass!

I smile, nod to myself as the light turns green.

Yep.  We could totally take that bus in a fight.

23 comments:

vanilla said...

You could take 'em if their number were legion. You've got the moxie!

Judy said...

I tend to worry that the bus will fall over, if everyone sits on one side...

Pearl said...

vanilla, moxie?! :-) I like your style!

Judy, have yet to see it happen, but now you've got me worried...

Silliyak said...

I think the other Weigians are the Soweigians. They are mostly extinct having been slaughtered in a North/South civil war that was so awful it has been stricken from the history books. It started when a Norweigian called a Soweigian a "Sow" in a misunderstanding that, well, we don't know. When they were writing the history many hundreds of years ago, there was a power outage and the history that was being written was lost because they hadn't yet backed up their files. (Can you tell the cats woke me up at 4 am?)

Shelly said...

You size up people to see if you could take them in a fight- I size them up to see if I could beat them in a 50 yard sprint. I wonder what people size us up for.

Pearl said...

Sillyak, I worry about you. Mostly I worry that you will stop being delightfully silly.

Shelly, I also wonder why women wear shoes only to have their toes lap over them and why people stop at lights with one, two, even three car lengths between them and the next car...

Dawn@Lighten Up! said...

The Many Apples Battle of the Buses. I like it!

spokenlikeatruenut said...

And here I thought I was the only one.

My favorite part is when someone from the other bus absentmindedly looks over and clearly has no idea that you're mentally beating them up with an umbrella.

jenny_o said...

Really, truly, what you should be worrying about is if both buses could take the zombies in a fight. That has a much greater chance of happening. Buses unite!

You are weird, Miss Pearl, and I mean that in the best way possible.

Joanne Noragon said...

And there am I, with no umbrella, and it is snowing.

Friko said...

And here was I thinking what a nice peaceful person this Pearl on the bus is.

Leenie B said...

With you and your bus in spirit, Pearl. Pretty sure I could take out a few with the snow cleats strapped to my ice walking boots. Ha.

If I fell down on my arse in the kicking--Oh well.

Catalyst/Taylor said...

I love the way your mind works, Pearl. Not sure about the results of the BusBash but I'm glad you thought it up.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
I remember this one. Your bus still wins. ;~> YAM xx

Delores said...

Do a quick evaluation of the weapons available to you in your bus fight...you've noted the cane, now check for umbrellas and large purses (possibly with bricks inside them), rolls of quarters, stiletto heals etc. Always be prepared...that's my motto.

Elephant's Child said...

And I look at the other passengers and wonder what stories they have for me. And am very, very grateful for yours.

Daisy said...

Pearl, you're an instigator! :D I'd cheer for your bus to win.

Lin said...

Is the fight before or after the bus drag race?

joeh said...

I thought it was just a guy thing. I evaluate every guy I meet as whether I could kick his ass or not. Meanwhile I haven't been in a fight since 5th grade.

joeh said...

I forgot to say this was really funny.

NotesFromAbroad said...

I do find it interesting that at that ungodly hour of the morning, you are wondering who could take whom in a fight.
Although if I had to be up , dressed and on a bus at that hour of the morning, I would be taking someone on in a fight.
I like it when you nod to yourself .. it makes you look a bit like someone else.

NotesFromAbroad said...

PS- I wish I was clever like silliyak .. this early in the morning !

Pat Tillett said...

Maybe it wouldn't have to end up in a bus fight. Why not have the two buses drag race for pink slips?