I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Monday, October 20, 2014

I'll Be Awake by Noon -- Talk to Me Then

“Did you have a good weekend? You all ready for work?”

Well, no. As a matter of fact, I’m not.

I would love to tell you that I am. Ready for work, that is. But the truth is, I am woefully unprepared.

I meant to be. I meant to be ready. But there was watching movies I'd already seen on Friday night. And then there was the washing and folding bonanza that was Saturday. There was the writing, the cooking, the refrigerator detailing, the transporting of the cats to their tap-dancing lessons.

Would you believe I completely forgot to leave time to get worked up about being a productive member of corporate America?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m one punctual and competent SOB; but I’m no good at that “You all ready for work?” question. It just doesn’t seem that there’s a good answer to it.

Small talk is not my forte.

I should work on having prepared answers.

“Work? I’m at work?”

“Ready for work? Oh, now, yeah. I can’t remember what they called it, but the doctors said that I can continue with my regular routine as long as I use a hand sanitizer and don't – oh, shoot – have you seen my face mask?”

“Yep! All ready for work! Say, could you cover for me for a couple hours this afternoon? The police – well, the less you know the better; but now that they’ve got the court order they’re going to take that sample whether I like it or not.”

It’s so important to have a good attitude, don’t you think?

Happy Monday, everyone.

19 comments:

Shelly said...

Mondays still blindside me. I think I'll write some of your answers on little placards and hold them up in lieu of actually speaking on Monday mornings.

vanilla said...

May your afternoon go smoothly.

Should Fish More said...

Being retired, Mondays are the same as Saturdays. As Mike's Italian bride in "The Godfather" said, "Maunday, Tuesday, Thursday.."

bill lisleman said...

remember when you checked you Ipod for predictions? I think Manic Monday by the Bangles would have been your list.

joeh said...

Sometimes I think grunting is entirely appropriate.

Ray Denzel said...

I checked. everyday is a Monday!

Ray Denzel said...

I checked. everyday is a Monday!

BLissed-Out Grandma said...

I'm not a morning person, Mondays or any other days. I did have ready responses, but they weren't clever like yours!

jenny_o said...

Attitude? I'll give you attitude!

Oh. You said "good" attitude. That is very different. None of that here. Check back on Tuesday.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

Wouldn't it be nice to hire s Monday person just to get the week started. I have always been a Tuesday kind of person.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
...at least you know which day of the week you're on... you do, donchya? YAM xx

Delores said...

There's not much good to say about a Monday back to work.

Pearl said...

Mondays always surprise me. The alarm goes off and I think, "well that's not right..."

But it is. It's always right.

Merlesworld said...

Work, a thing of the past so glad to move on and leave it behind.
As The Beer Fairy says now 'All my days are Fridays now.'
Merle.................

Launna said...

Happy Monday Pearl... keep up the good work ;)

Chicken said...

Right back atcha, Pearl. And Tuesday is not typically much better. I get in my groove sometimes around Wednesday.

River said...

Work? What's that? :)

Linda O'Connell said...

Mondays roll around way too soon. One of these days, I'm going to clock out and sleep in. Ah, but then there is the problem of the thieving cat who roams at 4 a.m.

Mac n' Janet said...

The best thing about Sundays is not having to get ready, mentally or physically, to go to work on Monday.