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Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Would You Please Take Your Pants Down?

Maryna, the woman for whom there can never be enough jewelry, enough clothing, delights in giving it away.  Dark haired, dark eyed, her English gets better every year, while my Ukrainian remains limited to asking for the ashtray and mistakenly calling men “machines”. 

A bottle of wine into the evening, we find ourselves in her closet.

So far, measured against the four pair of earrings I have brought her, I am up five pair of earrings, three rings, and two necklaces.

And holy Hannah, now we’re in her closet.

“Seriously,” I say, “you don’t have to give me clothing.”

She dismisses my concerns with an elegant wave of a small, white hand.  “Try,” she says.  She holds out a long, form-fitting dress.

“Hmm,” I say.  “I don’t really feel like –“

“Do,” she says.  “Please.”

“I have stitches on my back,” I say, a smallish whine creeping in.  “I mean, there’s a bandage, but –“ 

Maryna is not interested in excuses as to why my modest, Minnesota self is reluctant to get undressed in front of this slender, sophisticated woman.

“Come, come,” she says.  I pull my shirt off, and she pulls the dress up, pulls it over my head. 

I hold my arms up like a child.

We pull the dress down over my hips.

She steps back, evaluates what she see, then shakes her head.  “No,” she says.  “Pants down.”

I laugh, just a little drunkenly.

“No, no, no,” she says.  “Look een mirror.  The lines.  You see?  Ees no good, like this.  You take pants down, we see dress and your beautiful shape.”  She pats my ass appreciatively.  “I weesh I had.”

“And I,” I say, lifting my wine glass from her night stand, “would be pleased to take some of your bust.”

But Maryna will not be swayed by flattery.  “Pants down!”

What am I to do?

When a beautiful woman demands that pants are removed, one does what one must.

Particularly when there are free dresses involved. 

Maryna’s daughter, all five years of her, nods solemnly from the bed, then returns to her iPad, where animated pastel creatures gambol about in an hypnotic fashion. 

Fifteen minutes later, I am up three dresses.

“Beautiful,” she says.   She grins at me.  “You like Turkish/Ukrainian coffee?”

I ponder this.  “I don’t know,” I admit.

“I make,” she says.  “Maybe you like, maybe not.”

“Maybe you give me the recipe,” I say.

She smiles, and I am reminded of a small, dark-haired cat.  “Maybe,” she says, eyes shining, “maybe not.”



Come back tomorrow, where we learn about Turkish coffee!

25 comments:

Shelly said...

You are right. Where free dresses are involved, modesty means nothing.

Daisy said...

Well, she did say "Please." :)

joeh said...

Love your style!

I think I've used "Holy Hannah" in several recent posts, did I steal that from you?

Probably cause otherwise I don't know where it came from.

Ms Scarlet said...

If only I had reason to wear a dress...
Sx

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
...as long as the small dark cat does not develop stripes and mention limes with the coffee, you should be reasonably safe... YAM xx

Joanne Noragon said...

Some people are just the gems in our lives, yes? Maybe No, but probably Yes.

Delores said...

Free jewelry, free clothes...what's a few stitches between friends?

diamondc said...

O.K. I had to read this to find out about the pants down, oh my free dresses, I would jump at a chance like that and jewelry to boot you lucky girl.

Catherine

Silliyak said...

ipads have cameras in them. Better do an internet search....

Leenie B said...

Every. lady should have a friend like that. Holy Hannah

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

Now that she has room, she can buy more. Ees good.

jenny_o said...

And both giver and receiver ended up happy! Maryna sounds like a nice lady and a good friend.

bill lisleman said...

Oh that coffee can pack a wallop especially if it comes in a tiny cup.
Funny story. Your own personal fashion stylist looking out for you.

River said...

So do you wear the dress now sans underpants or did you buy a thong?

Gigi said...

Hmm, I'm thinking I need a Myrna...

Elephant's Child said...

One of your gems. Probably (definitely) yes.

Chicken said...

Chicken here. Will drop pants for dresses. Maybe. Maybe not.

Merlesworld said...

Oh to be young and slim and look good in a dress, well just to be slim would be good.
Free dresses you just can't go wrong.
Merle...............

jenny_o said...

@ River - no, no! not UNDERpants. She means trousers/slacks/whatever you call the long outerwear in Australia!

Ray Denzel said...

I got to get out more!

Eva Gallant said...

I'm dropping my pants just thinking about free dresses!

Linda O'Connell said...

What a friend! I mean to tell you, if someone told me to pull my pants down, and I did, one look and they'd be yanking them back up for me.

Pat Tillett said...

I agree about the pants. Who can turn down a direct order like that. Not me! Well, maybe I can now...

River said...

@jenny_o; I stand corrected.

Drake Sigar said...

This never works when I try it.