I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The Kitty Knows All, Tells Only Some

Dolly Gee Squeakers (formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers), a long-haired Siamese mix with a penchant for a dripping bathroom faucet and Virginia Slims has taken to dragging a string around the house only to abandon it in order to dash, madly, blindly, from one room to the next.

“Mrrrrrrrowwwwwwww? Mrrrrrrrowwwwwwww?”

She asks a lot of questions, this one. Frankly, if I had four teeth and crossed eyes, I’d have some questions, too.

Of course, the truth is that she’s quite an attractive pussy cat, despite the periodontal challenges she faces. Look at her over there, hunched possessively over her bowl, face-deep in the Meow Mix. Each piece of kibble is picked out carefully, chewed delicately on the side with the most teeth. Crrrrrrunch. Crrrrrrunch. Two “crrrrrrrunch”es per bit, five bits per visit.

Finished for now, she takes cautious aim, jumps up on the stool in the kitchen – and misses.

What can one do? Crossed eyes, you know.

Kitty lacks depth perception.

The string, though. This is new. And like her collection of novelty and commemorative ashtrays, it’s hard to tell what set her off.

Who gave her that first one, the ashtray in the shape of a Spaniard’s helmet?

And where in the world did she get that piece of string?

Oh, really, it doesn’t matter who gave her the string, does it? She grips it, earnestly, twixt her remaining teefers, high-stepping over it as she drags it, tail-like, from one room to another. Her delicate lips part, almost undetectably, as she pauses between rooms.

“Mrrrrrrrowwwwwwww?”

The questions ends in a glissando that runs up the kitty meow-meow scale (in the key of Mouse Flat) as she gives in to the four-pawed urge to tear from one room to the next, skittering around furniture, sliding sideways on the hardwood floor.

I make a note to check her for fleas as Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) sighs heavily and sets down her book, Rutherford’s “Sarum”.

“Really,” she says, eyes closed and massaging the bridge of her nose with one delicate paw. “What is she doing?”

Only one being in the room knows why the kitty races from one room to the next, a bit of string trailing behind her.

And that kitty's not telling.

19 comments:

Delores said...

But she's got your attention yes?

Sioux said...

If you won't rent a movie for her or turn on something interesting on the television for her, she has to create her own entertainment, doesn't she?

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Undoubtedly going to tie that string together so she can escape through the window...
I just mentioned these two cats yesterday over in my blog.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Practicing for the Rhythkitmic Pawmnastics, perhaps? YAM xx

jenny_o said...

That certainly makes gift-giving easier. Dolly - piece of string for string collection: check!

Silliyak said...

Working out a new String Theory?

Barbara Torris said...

I love your cats. But then I love ALL cats. Our beautiful black cat had decided that he might love the neighbors more than us. But I think they cut off the Meow Mix Treats because he is home again this morning sleeping on my pillow.

The funny thing is your cats sound perfectly normal to me. Is that a good thing?

b+

Ponita in Real Life said...

I don't know if it's the crossed eyes to blame for missing jumps... Lila's aren't crossed and she misjudges frequently too. But then again, they looks like twins... aside from the eyes that is.

Lila also does the zooming from room to room. Her favourite you right now is a sugar snap pea... she loves chasing those around the floor! Even carries it from room to room, but with no questions asked. And she always announces her intention when she is going to do something she knows she shouldn't ~ like jump up on the kitchen counter.

Gives me time to prevent it, at least! ;-)

Elephant's Child said...

At least you are up when she goes into mad mode. Jazz n Jewel chase imaginary string (and each other) across the bed and up and down the hall at around 2 in the morning.

Chicken said...

gin and tonics with 4 limes have been known to loosen tongues.

Joanne Noragon said...

Why should she tell. It's her game, you see.

Geo. said...

Enjoyable post! You know, I sometimes chase string around the house. Don't know why. If you find out, let me know.

Rose L said...

Mooshoo, my silver striped tabby, loves to toss balls all around the house and then race wildly-up the stairs, all around through the rooms on the second level, and then down the stairs again to finally fall, exhausted on her blankie on the couch. One cat sounds like a dozen dwarfs running around! I have no idea why she goes nuts like that, and she says nothing. Just gives me
the eye" before dozing off.

Daisy said...

With cooler weather, Daisy has taken to marathon runs around our new apartment, which also has a very long hallway for her use. Maybe it's the influence of her new friend, Meka the cat.
Barbara, humble servant of the Princess Daisy

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

I do like your posts they make me laugh

River said...

Angel does that mad tearing through the house thing too, only occasionally slapping head first into something, he stops for a quick head shake, then he's off again. I used to think something had spooked him, now I know he's just burning off steam.

savannah said...

i am so happy to be a total empty nester, sugar! i was worn out from just 4 days with the little ones out in lalaland! xoxoxox

Diane Tolley said...

Odd. There are three toddlers over here doing exactly the same thing . . . And giggling . . .

Rutheee said...

My cat puts the end of his favorite shoelace into his food bowl. The hungry end I presume. I don't know what else he could be doing but sharing.