I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

New Fish on the Block

From 2011, because I, apparently, go to yoga after work, make dinner, then sit down and don't move until bedtime.


After a tragic, tank-wide case of Ich and the subsequent tank-wide deaths of its inhabitants, the 20-gallon aquarium in the living room has stood, bubbling yet empty, for almost two months now.

We’re moments away from that changing.

We felt it important that some time pass between occupants. The tank has, after all, seen its share of tragedy.  Just a month or so before the rest of the tank contracted the disease “Ich” and met its Webby Maker, for example, Yang, orange-headed Oranda and ex-paramour of Ying, had found himself caught in a fishy-love triangle, a dilemma for which he paid the ultimate price.

It was all over the Internet.

That was then, however; and this is now, and Willie, Tank Master and Head of Fish Procurement, is ready to foster-parent a tank full of fish again.

One trip to PetSmart and a ten-dollar bill later, Willie has returned with a bag o’ goldfish; and we have, once again, a full house.

The new residents of the fish tank?

Gilles Meloche
Goldie Spawn
Lady G’agua
And, for course, Blanket.

The faces have changed, but the rocks, the Jethro Tull Aqualung double album spread open as its backdrop: these things have not changed, nor has the fascination that Liza Bean, of the Minneapolis Biteys, feels when presented with the vision of a shimmering, wiggling appetizer. Enraptured, she sits on the arm of the couch, peering intently into the waters, the end of her tail twitching.

Ever the helpful kitty, she has recently added the words “white wine” and “one fresh lemon” to the grocery list.

Such a good girl, that cat. Always looking for ways to be helpful.


Bossy Betty said...

Eager to hear how things work out with the new occupants. I have two goldfish and a pleco. That's challenging enough for me!

Anonymous said...

Hope the new fish aren't 'jumpers'.

jabblog said...

. . . and why shouldn't you sit down after a busy day? You're not a machine . . . are you?

Shelly said...

If those new fish start to smoking with the kitties, you're going to have some real trouble on your hands.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
Oh the fish...I had forgotten about the fish. Never a good thing to forget the fish. Particularly when kitties have 'plaiced' orders... YAM xx

jenny_o said...

Cats are like that, aren't they? Helpful as can be. Bless their little hearts.

No, wait, it's the OTHER thing they're like - the tail-twitching, goldfish-admiring, aspiring-chef/consumer thing. Yup. That sounds more like it.

And don't we all tend to stay on the treadmill of working life/vegging out? I don't know how you write as much as you do.

Marion Bulmer said...

Tull's Aqualung?! I loved that album back in the mist of time, in the mid 1970s, especially the title track

Aqualung, my friend, don't you start away uneasy

You poor old sod, you see it's only me...

Catalyst/Taylor said...

You have got yourself a gourmet cat, sounds like to me.

Daisy said...

white wine and one fresh lemon

Yes, that's a very helpful cat! :D

Rose L said...

Maybe get rid of the water and use it for a small lizard, or snake, or frogs...or you could go plastic!
I have seen lots of toys that look like real fish, or lizards, or snakes, or frogs...
or drag it out, leave curbside with a sign saying FREE!!!!

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

A good read

Chicken said...

I think we need a "where are they now" update. And, perhaps, a recipe.

goatman said...

I managed to kill 6 of mine with chlorine . . . never again!

Suzanne Casamento said...

How are Blanket and co. doing three years later? Wait. How long do fish live?

I feel the need to change the subject. Wine. Mmm. Delicious white wine.