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Monday, August 4, 2014

But I Thought You Liked Me!

The gin and tonic is delicious.

And I can’t take the suspense anymore.  

I adopt what I hope is a casual air.  “So,” I say, “Did you get the book I sent you?”

Sarah peers at me from over the top of her own drink.  “I meant to talk to you about that.”

I grin.  “Did you love it?”

She takes a cautious sip, continues to observe me.  Finally:  “Love it?”

I dig out a suspiciously fat lime, re-squeeze it. “He’s one of my favorite authors,” I say.  I stir the drink vigorously.  “His writing style, his use of language, his wit…”

“Wait,” Sarah says.  “His wit?”

I laugh.  “He’s the very essence of wit.”

She frowns at me.

I frown at her.

“You didn’t like it,” I say.

“Pearl,” she says carefully, “I have nightmares because of that book.”

My jaw drops.

She shudders.  “I got through the first 20 pages, and I’m thinking, holy mackerel, why did she send me this?  But I kept reading, you know?  I mean, my friend sends me a book, right?  There must be some reason for it.”

Sarah closes her eyes.  “The scene where someone was flayed alive –“

I manage to close my mouth.  I put a hand up.  “Wait.  What book are we talking about here?”

She looks at me, a glimmer of light coming into her eyes.  The Night Soldiers,” she says.

I shake my head aggressively.  “No,” I say.  “No, no, no, no.  That’s not what I sent you. “

Sarah bursts into laughter.  “So you didn’t send me a book where people were forced to eat fish head and rotten horsemeat soup?  You didn’t send me a book where someone was eaten alive by bugs?”

I choke on the sip I’ve taken.  “No!  I sent you a collection of short stories by Sholom Aleichem!

Sarah says nothing. 

 “Tevye the Milkman!” I say.  “Fiddler on the Roof?  Gentle good humor from a teller of Yiddish tales?”

A slow smile spreads across her face.  “Oh, my word,” she says.  “I read the whole book you sent, certain that it would become clear why you sent me such a horrifying book!”

“Oh, wow,” I say.

“Oh, Pearl, you’ve no idea.”  She grimaces prettily, shakes her head, the very thought of the book creeping up her spine. 

I grin at Sarah.  “Couldn’t be further from what I ordered.  And yet you read it!”

She smiles, pushes blonde hair from her forehead, shrugs.  “My friend Pearl sends me a book, I’m going to read it.”

By silent consensus, we pick up our glasses.  “Here’s to the unconditional nature of friendship,” she says.

We clink our glasses together. 

“And to my contacting Amazon’s customer service,” I say. 


vanilla said...

Unfortunate mix-up yields scintillating conversation over gin-and-tonic. Amazon credited.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Yikes. Sarah has the loyalty of a...trooper... YAM xx

Vicus Scurra said...

That might explain why I haven't managed to squeeze into that garment that you sent me. I was to bashful to complain, but my doctor says that I may never be able to play the bassoon again.

Shelly said...

Yikes. Been there with Amazon. Make 'em pay for some therapy, too.

Chicken said...

You mean Amazon makes mistakes? Nooo, say it ain't so. I wonder what I've been sending to my friends.

jenny_o said...

Now that's a true friend. I wonder how long it would have been before she raised the subject ... two G&T? five G&T? more?

jabblog said...

Glad the friendship survived Amazon's mistake . . .

bill lisleman said...

I've had good results with Amazon the online store. Now the other Amazon, not so much.

Angie Schneider said...

I wonder how come Amazon made such a cheap mistake...Salute to Friendship!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Yikes! What a friend, though...

Sioux said...

Pearl--What a good friend Sarah is.

"The Night Soldiers"? Who wrote that one? (And aren't you intrigued? Don't you want to read it now?)

Eva Gallant said...

Wow....I don't know if I would have continued reading....I guess my loyalty has its limits!

Geo. said...

Tevye gets skinned alive? It's been a long time since I saw the musical production.

Gigi said...

If you sent me a book; I'd read it. But that's just me...I'm a book-crazed fanatic.

Lin said...

That's hilarious. Both that she got that book AND that she read it all the way through!

Now, THAT is a friend!

Should Fish More said...

So when did you tell her that you really sent it, hmmm?

Daisy said...

I love you, and your friends! Oh, and your cats!

Leenie B said...

Imagine the disappointment of the sociopath who ordered the nightmare book when he got the good humor Yiddish tales.

Rose L said...

Did she send it back to you to read??? Shared nightmares are best.

Optimistic Existentialist said...

What a hilarious misunderstanding :)

the walking man said...

Flayed alive, eaten by bugs--must have been a book on modern history.

Suldog said...

Great story. And what a great friend to slog through what she found hideous.

Al Penwasser said...

Flayed alive? Don't look now or Disney will get their hands on it.

Slamdunk said...

Are the Amazon drones making deliveries yet? Perhaps they can shoulder the blame.

And thanks for the kind words you left over at my place, Pearl. I enjoy my regular stops here to satisfy my need for humor--it does the trick.

Daisy said...

That Sarah is a trusting soul. :-)

Suzanne Casamento said...

Now THAT's a friend. I wouldn't have made it 10 pages into flaying alive and rotten horse meat soup.

Bad, bad Amazon!