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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Or Maybe I’m NOT Tired. Maybe I’m just Crabby.

I’ve had a moody day.  My coffee was moody, my lunch was moody, and, despite the purportedly cheerful crackling going on inside my open can of Diet Coke, I’m putting the afternoon down as moody as well.

I am frowning at the universe.

It wasn’t always this way.  Ask my mom! She’ll tell you.

“That Pearl,” she’ll say.  “She’s a cheerful little SOB.”

But I don’t feel that way today.  I feel, suddenly and overwhelmingly, like I may be failing at something.

I’m afraid to look deeper than that.

Welcome to the darker corners of Pearl’s mind. 

Downtown, even the homeless know.  I pass them, their cardboard signs, and they hold out their hands, perhaps not to receive, but to give.  I look down into their dirty, seamed palms and wonder, Were you once described as a cheerful little SOB?

The squat bald man in my head, the one who has been suggesting darkly for absolute years that the veil will soon be lifted now sits on his haunches, smoking cigarettes and blowing the smoke towards the front of my skull.

He’s very sorry, he says.  There’s nothing to be done about it.

He’s lying, of course.  He wants me to join him, but we’ve been down that road.

And there’s nothing on that road. 

It’s the lack of sleep, really. 

It’s hard to be light when weighed down by one’s eye lids. 

A new sleep medication, perhaps.  Some time at the yoga studio, for sure. 

And a call to my mom, who will remind me.


I’m a cheerful little SOB.

31 comments:

NotesFromAbroad said...

Glum is the word of the day.
I be Glum.

but I still love you, you cheerful little SOB !

C ...

savannah said...

roll with it, sweet pea! because we all know that tomorrow is another day! xoxoxoxo

Patricia said...

Well, you could lose the diet coke. That shit'll kill ya... But first it'll steal your sleep.

And if it helps any, I love you to the moon, my friend.

You ARE a cheerful little SOB. Until you're not. and then it means you have to step up the self-care. That may or may not include stuff that increases your serotonin and endorphins, and melatonin.

You told me earlier that vegetables probably couldn't help your sadness but I think you might be wrong about that. I challenge you to eat some red and green and orange vegetation today.

MWAH!

vanilla said...

Call your mother at once!

Daisy said...

I second what Patricia said, and send some cheery little hugs, or grumpy companionship, or both ... whichever you want.

Maybe this is the punishment for leaving Lisa and Dolly with Andrew - the revenge of the cat universe?

XOXO

Ms Scarlet said...

I think it's a glum sort of year, Pearl. As Savvy says, we've got to try to roll with it... otherwise it'll roll over us and then we'll be squashed and steam rollered on to the tarmac, or summat like that.
Sxxx

Eva Gallant said...

The good thing about a bad day is that it increases the probability that tomorrow will be better!

Rene Foran said...

You need to paint something.
That was always my Grandpa's cure-all. That and Ben-Gay & a warm dishtowel.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
...I called my mother; "I never experienced anything like that" she said. "Menopause, what menopause" she said...(unprintable) is what I said. I felt better for that. Glad I called her. YAM xx

Pearl said...

What lovely people you are.

Vegetables: yes. I love the little buggers anyway.

Painting? Rene, bless your grandfatherly heart, I have spindles on the back porch that are calling for that last color (I got all Victorian on 'em). A warm dish towel sounds intriguing -- and intuitive.

Yes. Glum is a good word. Glum and jealous and sad. Holy cow, I'm middle-aged.

:-)

And tomorrow IS another day.

And now I am off to look at a picture of Rhett Butler (Clark Gable).

I feel better.

Indigo Roth said...

Oh come here, ya doofus. Here, have a hug.

Btw, weighed down by eyelids? Perfectly said.

joeh said...

You are entertaining even when you are miserable.

It's a gift I tell ya, it's a gift!

Delores said...

We're all entitled to an off day....now then, you've had it. Go eat some chocolate, drink some gin with limes, play with the kittehs and tomorrow will look much much better.

Mary Koppel said...

I was just saying to dear Jacques - "I feel punky today."
"Punky? what's that?" he responded reasonably enough.
"I don't really know. It's something my mom said when she didn't feel quite right - it's just punky."
I've learned that if I do something that makes me sweat, it's so exhausting it just slaps me right out of feeling punky. That and a g&t, of course...
Love ya -

jenny_o said...

Lack of sleep can ruin a day like nothing else. No matter what's wrong, lack of sleep makes it worse. And usually when something IS wrong, that's just when sleep goes out the window. I hope you get things sorted soon, Pearl. Know, at least, that we are behind you. It may be virtual backup but it's real, too.

Joanne Noragon said...

Not sleeping sure grumps up a day. Two grumps though and you're sure to sleep the third night.
PS--do knock off the soda. it is poison in a can.

Geo. said...

It's ok to frown at the universe sometimes; the thing's up to something.

Elephant's Child said...

Sometimes being moody is the only rational response to the world. I hope your cheerful SOB (or daughter) returns quickly.

Susan F. said...

Reminding us of who we are -that's what mothers are for sometimes for. But probably eating some chocolate is a good idea as well! If that doesn't help - I usually try ice cream!

Gigi said...

Oh Pearlie...those weighted down eye lids will do it EVERY TIME!

And, no matter how cheerful we usually are, we are all entitled to frown at the universe every once in a while because sometimes the universe deserves it.

Sending hugs.

Optimistic Existentialist said...

Over the course of one's life, the good days and the bad days always balance out. Here's hoping tomorrow is a beautiful day for you Pearl :)

Suzanne Casamento said...

Sorry to hear about the moody day. Moody days stink. Hopefully you'll feel like your cheerful SOB self tomorrow. ;)

Hilary said...

Thankfully, your sense of humour didn't follow the bald guy either. I hope you catch up on sleep soon. That kind of fatigue is miserable.

Chicken said...

I love that cheerful little SOB. She's stubborn, too, I have a feeling. No squat little man's going to keep her down for long.

Launna said...

I am with you about not being yourself when there is so little sleep going on... It's been close to a year.. I want to be that cheerful xxx... lol

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

We all have days like that and I know I am glad when said day is over

Daisy said...

Wishing you a good night's sleep full of sweet dreams, Pearl. I hope tomorrow is a better one for you. Hugs to you!

River said...

Someone else up there said it before me, lose the diet coke. Substitute a cup of chamomile tea, it will soothe and you will sleep better.
I hope you feel more cheerful soon.

Linda O'Connell said...

If only I could reach REM sleep. I sleep thisclose to the eye opener, and feel exhausted when I wake. But then some chigger bites may have something to do with my exhaustion.

Kim said...

My day like that this week was Tuesday. A doctor's appointment will do that to you. (Did I mention that I HATE getting weighed?) Hope things are better on this Thursday morning. Greetings from Kansas!

Jocelyn said...

According to my mom, I was always a "smiley people pleaser." So I feel ya.

Try 500 mg of magnesium as a sleep aid. NPR had an interview with the Director of Integrative Medicine at Northwestern, and she says to try this.