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Thursday, June 19, 2014

Don’t Think of It as Censorship. Think of It as Feedback.

I used to have 617 friends.

“Surely, Pearl,” you say. “You are exaggerating.  No one has 617 friends.”

 “I used to have 617 friends,” I respond.  “Now I have 616.  And stop calling me Shirley.”

The truth is that Pearl – good ol’ Pearl! – has jumped the greased  -- nay, lubed – tracks of what passes for social discourse and become, in one fell swoop, out of touch. 

“Don’t look now,” writes #616, “but I had boudoir pics taken!”  But she doesn’t give me time to not look now, and suddenly I am thrust – if that’s not too loaded a word – into the soft-focus snapshots of her fantasy life.

Which apparently includes wearing the equivalent of a spool of thread. 

While posing upside down.

And peering from between her naughty, naughty fingers.

There she is, her own centerfold appearance.

On Facebook. 

Look.  I’m all for fantasy.  And I like a good come-hither look as much as the next gal.  But when you’ve posted pics of yourself in a two-piece take-out container holding a pair of chopsticks – is that what that was? – it’s going to take all the reserve I have not to comment with the first thing that comes to my mind:  What?  Leftovers again?!

There were several of these photos, posted, one after another:  different outfits, different positions, but all with the same moist-eyed, lips-parted expression.

Aren’t I pretty?  Don’t you want me?

Sure you are; and no, I don’t.

I was sorry to see #616 go.  We never shared a meal, laughed ourselves off the furniture, never even had a conversation.

But we will always have the fact that I know what she looks like in braided dental floss.  And I guess that’s something.  


Indigo Roth said...

Well, don't try and friend ME again! You know how I love my selfies! And besides, after eating pulled pork, you were lucky I had any dental floss left. So there. Roth x

Anonymous said...

As one who has never gone face to face on Facebook, nor have I ever Tweeted, Linked In, been interested in Pinterest or sent an instagram (or is that a mammogram?)I can only say THANK GOD. I definitely made the right decision. Who ARE these people anyway?

Should Fish More said...

Well, shoot. There goes the next post I'd planned on putting up. What am I going to do with all that cellophane wrap I got at wal mart?

vanilla said...

Message me 616's identity!

Seriously, aren't you sad for these sad people who have no life?

Almost Precious said...

Ah yes, "The Selfie" gone X rated. Is nothing sacred anymore?

Camille said...

Gah...perhaps that's why Facebook crashed last night.

When are these brainiacs going to realize that once on line the photo is forever? It will probably turn up someday when she's running for city council or the PTA. Gosh - I do hope so anyways. :-)

Silliyak said...

Actually just a blatant display of incredible stupidity will trigger a Defriending.

joeh said...

As one who does do Facebook, Twitter and such, I know you can always unfriend those who use these networks in ways that are annoying.

Why do people love to brag about not using 21st century technology?
My Grandmother used to complain about the telephone. "People keep bothering me!" I'd tell her "You are not required to answer."

Anyway, you don't need #616 as a friend.

joeh said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jenny_o said...

All those pieces of modern technology have their place, but like everything else in life (you may yawn at this point in my speech) they need to be used wisely and purposefully if our aim is to enrich our lives.

I suppose #616 had a purpose, but the wisdom was sadly lacking.

Here, Pearl, have a bit o' bleach for your eyes. It won't hurt nearly as much as the memory of those photos!

Lisa said...

Facebook is a weird place. I made a comment on a friend's wall and someone whom I don't know messaged me to tell me they didn't like it. Am I supposed to care?

But putting those pictures out there, that's reason enough to unfriend someone.

Daisy said...

Ah, yes, I have a few friends who over share and post photos that are TMI occasionally too. It kind of boggles my mind sometimes.

"What? Leftovers again?!" Ahahahahaha!! :D

Geo. said...

Thought-provoking. It's one of those fads that gets taken too far. People post boudoir photos, then nude pics, then finally x-rays of themselves. I try not to get caught up.

Author R. Mac Wheeler said...

...and greetings right back achoo

Say What? said...

As the good 'ole country song goes, "God is great. Beer is good. And PEOPLE ARE CRAZY!"

Say What? said...

As the good 'ole country song goes, "God is great. Beer is good. And PEOPLE ARE CRAZY!"

esbboston said...

I made it through Fargo the teleBision show. It made me wonder how Minnesotan you sound.

I wiLL be coming back to South Dakota sometime soon, so I may have to see part of Minnesota, as I have never been there.

Leenie B said...

Virtual"Friends" are worth nothing. Discard like used kleenex unless the two of you have laughed yourselves off the furniture together.

Susan Williams said...

"Leftovers, again?"
I'm dyin'!!!
Sometimes, Gone with the Wind is a good thing.

One time, when my dear husband and I were teaching Sunday School to the preschoolers, I was telling a very exciting story about Jesus walking on the water, in the midst of a big storm.
I was giving it my all. Lots of drama.
Until I spotted Paul.
Paul was a 4 year old, who had reached into his pants, pulled out his...um...prawn...and was toying with it.
You just shouldn't tug on your prawn during Sunday school. Not even if you're 4.
Without missing a beat in my story, and with only a mild glance in his direction, I said, "Paul, put that thing away."
And carried on with my exciting tale.
Paul neatly tucked away his prawn: no harm, no foul.
But sometimes, people just need to be reminded that there's a time and a place to drag that junk out in public.
Farewell, and adieu, #617. We hardly knew ye. At least, not well enough to be introduced to all that.

VEG said...

I am going to have to outdo #616 with a photo of myself dressed only in three strategic cornflakes and a constipated expression, lovingly fingering a banana. Breakfasts are the sexiest meal of the day, don't you know.

Gigi said...

Gah! People seem to have lost all sense of what counts as "oversharing."

Sioux said...

I hope that braided dental floss is waxed.

I mean, wouldn't waxing be prudent in this case (in more ways than one)?

Chicken said...

Sorry, Pearl, didn't mean to offend. I just thought, damn, I look cute today..

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

Has #616 created a division in your life -- life before you saw her posing in braided dental floss and life after? Ugh! It really amazes me what some people will post on Facebook and other social media! Don't they know many employers or would be employers check out these sites? Don't they realize the pictures are forever? Well, maybe she was just feeling so hot she wanted to immortalize the moment. Too bad one can't un-see something!

River said...

Dental floss and chopsticks?
Pity she didn't have the sense to knit herself a decent dress with those. Or at least a swimsuit.

Amy Vansant said...

Ha! I got up way to early and now it was totally totally worth it. Hilarious!