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Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Mary’s Making Plans for the Weekend

Ring-ring.  Ring-ring.

“Good mor – good afternoon, Acme Grommets and Gravel, Pearl speaking.”

“Yes, I would like to order several grommets; and I’m wondering if I could get those without holes?”


“Who gave you this number?”

She laughs.  “You keep changing it, but as I told you back in the 80s, I got yer number, Pearlie.”

We laugh.  She never said that, but it’s true.

Mary’s got my number.

“So what up, Big M?”

Mary chuckles preemptively.  “I got a story for you.”

I smile, set down my Fresca, open up Word and place both hands on the keyboard.  “Tell me something good.”

Miss Mary is the reason I have a headset at work.

“Remember that big storm we had the other night?”

I give her the ol’ pshaw.  “Girl, you’re talking to someone who takes a prescription sleep aid.  I hear nothing.”

“Good to know,” she says.  “So you’ll believe me when I tell you that there was a pretty good storm the other night, complete with thunder, lightning, and hail.”

“Hail,” I say.

“Yepper,” she says.

There is a moment’s silence as Mary sips a beverage of some kind.   “So you know how Jon sleeps, right?”

“Somewhere on the rock spectrum?”
She laughs, and I know she is nodding.  We are, after all, professionals.

“Well it’s gotten even more ridiculous since he got the new job.  An hour’s drive there, nine-hour days, an hour home.  You know what it’s like when you have a new job.”

I do, indeed.

“He’s been going to bed at, like, 7:00. He wakes only for cigarettes.”

“I thought he quit.”

“I quit,” she says.


“So the other night, he’s been in bed for, seriously, five hours, when, right around midnight, the storm that had been until then just a pretty good storm turned into a truly excellent storm.  The hail starts up, and suddenly there’s Jon.  He bolts upright, leaps from the bed, snatches the comforter off it, and runs, naked into the backyard.”

I choke.  “What?”

“The Harley,” she says.  “He runs naked into the backyard with my good comforter to throw it over the bike!  Here’s a guy who wouldn’t notice me choking on a porkchop, but he hears hail start up and he’s throwing the winter bedspread over the bike!”

“Your good bedspread!”

The good bedspread!”

I laugh.  “Maybe if you could arrange to choke on that porkchop while astride the bike –“

“—he’d push me off it to keep it from having to wash it later.”

We laugh.  “I’ll choke on a porkchop and have it come dislodged when I hit the ground.”

We laugh again.  Mary’s voice takes on a contemplative tone.  “I wonder if he’d run naked into the backyard to throw a blanket over me so I didn’t get hail damage.”

“There’s only one way to find out,” I say.

“And just like that,” Mary sighs, “I know what I’m doing Friday night.”


Shelly said...

I don't know if there's anything in our backyard I'd run out naked in a rainstorm to save...unless it was my shoes...but why would be shoes be outside in a rainstorm? I can get awfully philosophical in the morning.

Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

I am missing the ironic point to this.

He protects his valued possession from the attack of the elements...what's wrong with that?

I think that any man would do the same.

Simply Suthern said...

She might want to try it while wearing her Harley Tee and do rag. A helmet might help just incase.

Pearl said...

Shelly, I just take comfort in the fact that Jon has one ear tuned to the elements...

TSB, I don't know how to answer that. :-)

Simply, I do think the HD insignia would help his eyesight!

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
I did something similar once. Not a Harley of course. More your common or garden pedal variety. Complete with shopping basket.

It was new. .... $~\

The neighbour wasn't too impressed with the creative use for their daughter's blankie though. YAM xx

joeh said...

It is hard to replace a Harley.

Lowandslow said...

But think about it: He sacrificed a $100 (?) bedspread to protect a $20,000 Harley. Sounds pretty smart to me. Now about that pork chop thing....was it at a restaurant? Could there be a big settlement involved? Just sayin'. ;)


Launna said...

That is hilarious Pearl... you'll have to tell us if he looks out for Mary like he did the Harley ♡

jenny_o said...

Jon must have his good points. Right?

We also need a report on Mary's Friday night. Whenever you have time.


vanilla said...

Well, suppose Jon does save Mary from the hailstorm. Can she really afford to lose another comforter?

Jayne Martin said...

Yet another reason I sleep with a Chihuahua.

Joanne Noragon said...

So that big storm blew by you, too. Hail as big as half dollars, but no one had a half dollar to put into the shot. I expect Jon returned the bedspread, though I doubt he washed it. Such a Jon.

Gigi said...

Oh Jon....just like a man to use the good bedspread. What do they think we save all those old ones for?

Bossy Betty said...

Ah yes! Of course he covered the baby! Loved Gigi's comment!

Eva Gallant said...

Your conversations with Mary are always a delight. One never knows where the conversation will end up!

Catalyst/Taylor said...

I think it may be the full moon.

All of the bloggers I follow are writing beautifully today. You're not the first . . . but I have a feeling you're not the last, Pealie May!

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

Thank you I like your posts they make me laugh and feel good

River said...

You and Mary have the best conversations! grommets without holes...
And of course the Harley is worth saving, so next time a storm is brewing Mary should put the oldest comforter on the bed to be grabbed in a hurry.

Linda O'Connell said...

Some men will sacrifice their last scrap of dignity for their first love. So keep us informed with Mary's Friday night trick.

Daisy said...

I think Mary should buy Jon a tarp or something so he will keep his grubby mitts off the good bedspread! Ha! :D

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I would run out into a rainstorm to save my cat Ruby!!

Rose L said...

He sounds like a keeper....yea, sure.