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Thursday, May 1, 2014

Accompanying You to the Bathroom This Evening will be Dolly Gee Squeakers

Every family has one, I suppose, a loved one who has claimed a certain part of the house for his own.

I, for instance, seem to have claimed the kitchen. If I’m not hunched and giggling over a laptop somewhere, that's where you’ll find me, up to my elbows in dirty dishes.

You’d think they’d make a machine for that sort of thing, wouldn’t you?

And then there’s my son, with the benefits of three-quarters of a college education, a second-shift job, and weekend drumming gigs, who is somehow never seen entering his bedroom but only emerging.

Squinty-eyed and blinking against the filtered light of the living room, I fear he’s become nocturnal.

And that brings us to Dolly “Gee” Squeakers – AKA Dali G, AKA Squeak Monger, AKA No, Kitty, No!. A badger-shaped long-haired Siamese cross of the mewing persuasion, Dolly Gee Squeakers, formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers, is a cat of simple pleasures.

Relentlessly teased as a kitten for her lisp, Dolly is an easy-going puss, an animal with few desires aside from the odd bit of dangled string and a need to accompany you to the bathroom.

Three a.m. Quick run to the bathroom, is that it? No need to go alone! Dolly insists that she join you. She mumbles queries whilst doing so, and I am nightly reminded of Columbo, the TV detective of my childhood, with his nonchalant, seemingly pointless questions. Whatcha doin’? Goin’ to the bathroom, huh? Why? Goin’ back to bed right after? Hey, what thay you and I thtay up, huh, talk about what’th goin’ on in yer life?


Once inside the bathroom, Dolly Gee throws herself at your feet, purring loudly, every fiber of her fuzzy little body radiating goodwill. It’s special, this bathroom time with you; and if you’re silly enough to turn the light on at that time of morning, you will see her vividly blue and ever-so-slightly crossed eyes looking up with all the love she can muster.

It never fails, this mid-night trip and its feline accompaniment. She escorts me to the bathroom, mutters various questions at me, then runs out only to throw herself on the living room floor, demanding one more “pet” before I go back to bed.

Dolly “Gee” Squeakers, Bathroom Kitteh.

We all have our purpose, don’t we?

And sometimes that purpose is bathroom attendee.

29 comments:

NotesFromAbroad said...

Ohhhhh she sounds delightful ! lisp and all.

I have my own little attendee these days .. although she is still in the Sleep in Your Crate mode .. she is too tiny to comprehend bedtime/playtime. So she is forced to go to bed when I do and get up when I do and no nonsense in between.
Her eyes are the exact opposite of Dolly Gee eyes, hers are round and as yellow/gold as can be.
Russian Blue eyes are Yellow .. go figure :)

besos.. C

George Turnbull said...

Let's face it Pearlchen, we ask need a kitty to dry or hands on, don't we?

George Turnbull said...

Damn this auto correct!

I meant 'all' not 'ask'!

Delores said...

Questions in the middle of the night would be a bit much for me..but a foot warmer whilst I sit and tinkle would be nice.

Steve said...

The cat is a night cat. Does she drink from the bowl?

vanilla said...

You are loved.

Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

The bathroom-following feline could be useful.

One day you might run out of toilet paper, and we all know how soft a cat's fur can be...and it's washable (sort of)

Twisted Scottish Bastard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bossy Betty said...

My attendee wants the bathtub water on at a trickle for her 2:00 a.m. refreshment!

Shelly said...

Do you give Dolly Gee a tip each time? Tyson, our puppy, has started asking for one for each bathroom trip he makes with me. Now that I'm drinking a lot of tea, that can really start to add up.

jenny_o said...

None of our kitties are allowed even a whisker in the bathroom at night. In the dark I'm afraid of goal-kicking their furry little bottoms into the shower.

The rest of the time, though, they run it like a business. Water ON. NOW. I rue the day I first allowed that little habit to start.

Joanne Noragon said...

My little guy waits outside the door to escort us back to bed.

Drake Sigar said...

At least Dolly has respect for those in the service industry.

Simply Suthern said...

If she hadn't left the faucet trickling just loud enuff to hear to start with you may not have needed to get up.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Golly gee Dolly Gee, you show Pearl the way to pee... nothing like the bathroom attendant! YAM xx

the walking man said...

Does she hand you a towel after you wash your hands and expect a tip as you leave?

NanaDiana said...

LOL- And like Columbo with the eye thing-except he was blind in one eye even if it looked crossed.

I go to sleep many nights with Peter Falk-although he does NOT accompany me to the bathroom. I leave him in his box on the dresser. lol xo Diana

Jono said...

I also keep a kitty box in the bathroom. It's funny how we synchronize with our charges.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

Both my cats are the same way. The real annoying part is that if you go to the bathroom and don't fully close the door, they'll fully open it on you while you're in the middle of your business.

Elephant's Child said...

Dolly Gee has relatives on the other side of the world. I cannot go to the bathroom on my own. And am not allowed to completely shut the door. Everyone else is - but not me.
And snap on the need for one last belly-rub (or six) on your way back to bed.

goatman said...



You must be one of only two people, at least that I know, who does dishes by hand.
While living in an apartment in Texas a few years back, we were informed by a visiting sister that "hey you have a dishwasher!"
"Hey, I knew that, don't you think I knew that" -- we kept the paper bags in it.

With only the two of us now
I can't see leaving food on the dishes to do a slow rot until DW is full enough to wash.

I don't know about cats and bathrooms; ours gets tossed into the basement for the night.

Lin said...

Oh, criminy. I am sad to report that she is not alone in this--my cat leaps out of a sound sleep the minute he hears my feet hit the floor. And I don't care how many time I pee in a night--he has to go with me. Like it's some fun or something. What is with that?

Is it too much to ask to pee alone?

Daisy said...

Daisy sleeps on...well, I guess she is keeping the bed warm!
Her Barbara

Daisy said...

I think you are loved, Pearl. :-)

Slamdunk said...

Ha, I think Dolly Gee's long lost twin is with us--we have a bathroom greeter as well. The message though is: "hey is it time to get up and eat? I am hungry!"

River said...

My days of going to the bathroom alone are over too. I didn't think this whole "have a kitten" thing through very well, but I wouldn't be without Angel now. No chance of sneaking to the bathroom either, he sleeps on my bed so knows when I get up.

Rose L said...

I have 2 bathroom attendants. My cat, Mooshoo, likes to stare at me on the toilet, and when I get up and flush, she watches from the seat to make sure all goes down well. When I shower, she stands outside the glass door watching through it.

Janice said...

All my cat does when I get up in the middle of the night is reposition himself on the duvet so when I crawl back in bed I no longer have enough covers to cover my hind end! I should be so lucky to have conversation with a 4-legged critter in the middle of the night...but maybe I do and I'm just not awake enough to remember.

Pat Tillett said...

We have four feline bathroom attendants. Any time of the day or night, If all four, or even three of them come in at the same time, a brief slap fight may ensue. No claws exposed, but plenty of slapping. Nobody seems particularly bothered by it and they all stay put.