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Monday, March 17, 2014

You, Too, Can Have It All

So many things changed once I became internationally famous.

Yoga, for instance.  Sure, it’s still a big sweaty mess.  Sure, it’s still packed cheek to jowl, an exercise in concentration and, sometimes, forgiveness. 

It’s not that.  It’s the way the other yoginis look at me now.

“My mat was next to her a couple times, before she made it big,” I’d hear someone whisper.  “You know she can’t do crow pose.”

That’s a lie.  I could do it if I wanted to.  I just don’t want to.

But this isn’t about whether or not I can do crow pose.  This is about how much easier and fulfilling my life turned out to be once I became famous.

And it’s not just the fame, but the money!  The silk socks, the hairdresser who now lives in the pantry!  The chauffeur-driven limo to the bus stop and the fur-lined bus pass!  Who knew it would be so satisfying?

It wasn’t always this way.  I was once like you, struggling, yearning.  But all that changed once my genius was discovered.

I mean, don’t get me wrong:  I still put on my rich-people pants one leg at a time.  It’s just that now, I’m surrounded by smiling toadies who tell me how well I do it.

And it’s true – I do put on a mean pair of pants. 

 But how, you ask, did this happen?  And more importantly, how can someone like yourself get a piece of this action for yourself?

It’s easy!  Are you ready?  Because this is crazy easy!  Lean closer, because this is going to change your life…




Huh?!  Wha –?  Who –?  Oh, geez; I’m sorry.  I must’ve drifted off! 


Sorry about that.  Where were we?

32 comments:

joeh said...

When I become rich and famous the first thing I'm getting is a fur lined bus pass.

The chauffeured limo to the bus station is just silly though, it should be an easy walk, especially if you had someone to carry your bag.

vanilla said...

Life inside your head is fantastic! How does it compare with the one on Nicolet?

Shelly said...

Something tells me Liza Bean and Dolly Gee have more than a cursory insight into getting rich quickly. Perhaps they will share the secret whilst practicing the sleeping kitty pose...

Delores said...

Day dreams are a wonderful thing aren't they?

Steve said...

Can I get an autograph? Please, please.

Should Fish More said...

I was going to send a check to help maintain your lifestyle, but clearly you don't need it.

Dawn@Lighten Up! said...

You'll be famous one day, Pearlie. Mark my words! (I have always wanted to say "Mark my words!" So thanks for that.)
:)

Geo. said...

Thank you for that bright uplifting dream, Pearl.

Perpetua said...

Oh, that's the dream we all have, Pearl. Waking up is hard, isn't it?

jenny_o said...

Was there perchance Nyquil involved in the writing of that post?

And p.s. - when my balance is off? I sit on the bed and put my pants on TWO legs at a time. They are not, however, rich people pants. But still. You should try it.

Ray Denzel said...

If you were really famous, someone would be doing the yoga for you😉

Catalyst/Taylor said...

The crow? That sounds dangerous to me.

fishducky said...

Why don't you just hire someone to do the crow pose for you?

goatman said...


I once pulled an intercostal doing the cobra . . . no thanks!

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Drat - I was all ready to start using our tenuous connection as a boast point in my blogs... YAM xx

goatman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BLissed-Out Grandma said...

You had me at fur-lined bus pass. Dream on, Pearl!

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

Yoga is my favorite Star Wars character.

Elephant's Child said...

Cheek by jowl is so much better than cheek by cheek isn't it?
And thank for for the awed smiles with which I have started my day.

bill lisleman said...

Pearl keep writing like this and you'll be famous. Perhaps not for the right reasons but famous none the less.

Leenie B said...

This is all good. The Pearls of Post is great and so are all the comments. Sometimes the best part is coming late to the party.

Yeah, have someone else to do your crow pose. You're much too busy signing autographs.

Leenie B said...

Dang flat keyboard....still adjusting to this laptop. I typed "Pearls of Wisdom Post" but somehow erased my wisdom.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

When I get famous I shall buy the services of someone who can do the crow pose for me. Why should I have to get my hands dirty and my face all red?

maurcheen said...

But you ARE famous missus! ;-)

XXX

maurcheen said...

But you ARE famous missus! ;-)

XXX

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

It is good to read that you have not let fame go to your head. Of course, those perks you have do make me jealous.

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

So you would have us believe that you put on your own pants and not have someone to do it for you bet you wipe your own butt too.......lol

Ms Scarlet said...

This has reminded me to dream more often! Thank you!
Sx

Daisy said...

Wow, a fur-lined bus pass! I'm so jealous. :D

River said...

Fur lined bus pass? I have to have one! And a fur lined coat and boots to match.

lgsquirrel said...

I want it! I Want it!

Diane Tolley said...

Pfff. Walking? Limos? I wants a chair. One hefted by four muscle-bound, glistening men in loin cloths. That picks me up, bedside, and totes me through my day. Mmmmm...