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Friday, March 28, 2014

The Beauty of Habit; or Sorry – I Used All My Brains Earlier Today

Having started a new job here at Acme Gravel and Grommets (a Worldwide Octopus Corporation) almost two weeks ago now, I’m here to tell you that the key to better living lies in Preparation.

Because when one has used up one’s daily allotment of brain cells – I believe my allotment is six – it is incumbent that one relies upon pure, unadulterated habit.

Distracted, new-work-saturated Early-Morning Pearl is a dull-witted thing, a semi-conscious bit of humanity that must be shielded from herself.

And Evening Pearl knows this.

And thank heaven for little EP.  Her, with her make-up-removing, wardrobe-deciding, lunch-making ways!  Without her, Early-Morning Pearl is likely to blearily wander about the duplex, standing in front of darkened closets and then blundering into traffic without snacks.

Let’s take a look at the last few weeks, shall we?

Now firmly ensconced in my new cubicle, the dance floor just over there, the espresso bar over there, I’ve spent the last week clawing my way through multiple calendars, drives, automated responses.  I’ve heard new words that have the tone and texture of English strung together in ways I’ve not heard before.  I’ve met people who were, just two weeks ago, strangers in the elevator.

I’ve been upright, sincere, punctual, and attentive.

Frankly, it’s been exhausting.

And so by the time I get home in the evening, having used up my brains in a courageous display of utter learningness, it is all I can do to throw my Tupperware in the sink, pull on a couple of cats, and settle into the oblivion that is American television.

This is where Early-Evening Pearl shows up.  Like the swans to Capistrano, she rises, heads ever-so-slightly west (I imagine it’s west), pulls together a lunch, moves toward the bathroom where she insists that she remove her make-up.

Zombie-esque, and quite possible sneezing (it is spring, after all), she stumbles to the closet, where she is careful to choose a pair of pants and a shirt.

She then locates the bed and falls, gratefully, into it.


I tell ya, Evening Pearl's got it all figured out.

30 comments:

jenny_o said...

Oh, for the days when I could learn with abandon and still have brain cells to spare. Now if I need to pick up a new skill, I need a week of nothing beforehand so I can get all those cells awake, alert and lined up ready to march.

Habits are good! Keep going, Pearl, keep going.

Pearl said...

Thank you, Jenny. I should be back to normal in about five, six months...

smalltownme said...

We all need an Evening Personality. I love the one who sets up the coffee maker the night before and washes the dishes.

Pearl said...

smalltownme, she's a great li'l gal, isn't she? We should buy her a treat today. :-)

Delores said...

Day time Delores used to soak up new information like a sponge...however, when she left the workplace her brain collapsed. Qestions like "what's for supper tonight" left her blank eyed and sweating. Now Day Time Delores and Night Time Delores are one and the same.....indifferent, lazy, and she eats out A LOT.

Indigo Roth said...

You'll be back to normal in five to six months?! Just in time for Winter, then...

vanilla said...

Thus the purpose of the mindless TV:
it provides white noise whilst your brain cells rejuvenate themselves sufficiently unto the Evening Pearl tasks that must be done.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Pamper her, Pearlie, keep on her good side; the last thing you need now is Early Evening Pearl going on strike... YAM xx

Mandy_Fish said...

Evening Mandy doesn't do any of that. She just gets a glass of wine and plops herself in front of the TV.

Morning Mandy and Evening are going to have to have a TALK.

Afternoon Mandy wants lunch.

Elephant's Child said...

You have SIX functioning brain cells! And they are prepared to work together? I am jealous. So very jealous.

Joanne Noragon said...

I remember the obligatory first day headache. Now, I must tell you, your EP sounds like me after the trainer had her go--for one hour! I'm trusting it improves. As I recall, it does.

Geo. said...

Courage Madame! When I worked, my memory caught information and procedures instantly, like flypaper. Upon retirement, I inspected it in better light --found nothing but flies. Eventually, they struggle free and buzz off.

Leenie B said...

Starting a new job of any kind is always horrifically traumatic for me. It's so nice, after whatever time it takes, to start feeling comfortable in the new groove unless it turns into a rut.

Since when was it SWANS that returned to Capistrano. Oh, yeah, that was Evening Pearl talking.

Daisy said...

I think I need Evening Pearl in my life. :)

Gigi said...

I need to have a talk with EG (Evening Gigi) - obviously she is slacking off.

Murr Brewster said...

My career and my ability to learn new things almost coincided. Those last few years were a little rough.

Launna said...

This felt a little like my life, I understand that auto pilot in the morning... my night time me does not do her share... morning me has to do everything.. lol...

Very funny post Pearl and true :)

River said...

Gold Star Stickers to Evening Pearl.
I had Evening River, who cleared away dinner debris, made a lunch, laid out clothes then emptied and repacked the handbag/backpack being sure to include items that would be needed. Last thing was to prepare breakfast before falling into bed.
She's such a timesaver for Morning River who sometimes didn't get her eyes open until walking into the factory.

Daisy said...

Retirement is in the future, hopefully, when you can let all the brain cells run riot.

I guess if the swans migrate to our area, they might also go to Capistrano. That idea however, along with the "pull on a couple of cats", while cozy, is somewhat startling! :-)

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

My brain cells are often asleep when my body is awake that way I am not wearing them out............lol

Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

I envy you.

So many new experiences every minute of every day.

Imagine all the new sensations, acquaintances, smells you will encounter.

Ehhh, what happened to the last job?

the walking man said...

Sounds to me like Early Morning Pearl needs a wake up call from still partying Mary.

Douglas said...

"learningness"...

What a great word. We all have that but we all lose it, some much sooner than others, from my work-life and "just plain life" observations. I retired mine when I retired from work (such as it was) and do not miss it one bit.

BLissed-Out Grandma said...

It does take months to adjust to a new job. But you are so lucky to have the assistance of Evening Pearl. Night-time Nancy just stays up as late as possible, and then Morning Nancy (an oxymoron if there ever was one) pays the price.

Catalyst/Taylor said...

Y'know what, Pearl, it doesn't change when you retire either. At least it hasn't for me.

Jayne Martin said...

You may only have six functioning brain cells, but they must be bionic to do all you do AND manage a new, always entertaining, blog post every single day, my funny friend.

Slamdunk said...

I need to hire your evening personality as a consultant and improve evening me.

I hope your weekend was good.

jeanie said...

I had children. They have taken everything Evening Jeanie may have had going for her and turned her to drudge.

Early Morning Jeanie occasionally sparkles - 3pm Jeanie isn't so hot though.

Linda O'Connell said...

Pulls on a couple of cats....excellent!

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

Evening Pearl and Evening Chicken should get together some time. They have a lot in common. Perhaps for brunch.