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Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Sick of It All; or Oh, My, That’s a Nice Pair of Mittens Ya Got There, Carl

I’m planning my next sick day. 

Don’t tell my boss.

It’s not so much that I’ll be ill – in fact, the best “sick day” has no illness attached to it at all – but that I’ve reached the end of my winter tolerance and need something to look forward to aside from Swedish Meatball Monday at Macy’s or that weird guy that plays the recorder down by Target.

A sick day:  nothing too extravagant, mind you. 

I can see it now.  I call in, early-like.

“Hello?  Josh?  Yeah, sorry to call so early, even if it is going straight to your voice mail.  The thing is, I got an eye problem.  Yeah, I just can’t see coming in to work today.”  I pause dramatically, issue one dry cough.  “I may have this same problem tomorrow.  I’ll let ya know.”

It’s March, you see; and I am consumed with the fact that Minneapolis is a good 30 degrees colder than its average – and has been that way for quite some time. 

I consider myself a tolerant woman, a hardworking woman, but I’m here to tell you that I’ve reached the end of my winter rope.

I’m not alone in this, of course.  The good, semi-frozen people of the Great State of Minnesota, increasingly, walk about in a state of uncomprehending horror, a rictus like smile on chapped, red-cheeked faces. 

We’re just a week or two from offering up a sacrifice of some sort.  A nice wurst, perhaps, or a plate of fresh-from-the-oven lefsa. 

Nothing too fancy.

I thought you should know.

I’m not a complaining sort.  I think you know that about me.

But I’m sick of this winter.




34 comments:

vanilla said...

Likewise; and our sub-zero temps are probably 20 degrees warmer than yours. But perhaps we are not quite so hardy as you.

Pearl said...

vanilla, we're not hardy. We're trapped. AAAAAAARGH!!!

Shelly said...

Even though it's a frosty 38 degrees here in the sun's anteroom today, we were at 91 two days ago. Come south. Come south.

Delores said...

Spring officially arrives in about 20 days (maybe a little less) BUT the real spring is about 60 days off I'm afraid. I think it's time to visit a greenhouse or two just to remind ourselves of what we are missing.

Daisy said...

I hate the "cold". Call in sick and go back to bed until it warms up Pearl.

Diane said...

I feel ya, sister. I feel ya, along with my frozen car locks and doors, icy roads, and bruised ass (from falling on said icy roads). I feel ya.

joeh said...

Cold is a perfectly good reason for a "mental health" day.

Stay under the covers and enjoy.

Eye issue...good one, wish I'd thought of that, my fake cough was lame. Also, my bosses never had voice mail, I hated having to actually talk to them when I know they knew that...well, you know.

Pearl said...

It's true that spring is close -- well, I'm taking that on faith, as there are no indications of it here, where I woke up to an inch snowfall and a projected couple more for Friday.

Jono said...

Maybe if everyone in the state called in sick we could turn it into an annual holiday. We could call it F***Winter Day. Threats from management would be addressed by roving angry mobs throwing snowballs laced with Vodka. With management reeking of alcohol (as is often the case) no one would take them seriously anyway. Let's get this campaign rolling!

Buttons said...

Oh Pearl it sounds like you need a pretty Canadian toque to get you through;). Yup it can warm up a little now. Hug B

Steve said...

Today is Fat Tuesday and Ash Wednesday is a good reason to call in sick.

jenny_o said...

The thing about calling in early is that it's so hard to get back to sleep afterwards. But then again, who wants to sleep through a day off? Choices, choices ... life is hard.

Meanwhile, while our east coast winter has been longer than most due to the hare-like start it got back in the fall and the tortoise-like way it's plodding along now, it's been milder than most we get. I don't mind the snow if the temperature minds its manners. Thirty degrees colder than average sounds like a Hitchcock movie. Either go south to Shelly, or east to me, Pearl :)

Perpetua said...

It's your human right to be sick of a winter as cold and long as this one, Pearl. A couple of days in the warm, nursing that eye problem, would set you up until spring finally gets round to arriving.

Elephant's Child said...

A mental health day. A day when you NEED to stay home for the sake of your mental health (and possibly for the safety of those around you). I remember them all too well.

Geo. said...

Hiems infirmitas. It's Latin for sick-of-winter, sounds impressively medical over the phone.

Jacquelineand.... said...

The Great Scot has used a similar line, something along the vein of:

"I'm not coming to work today...."

"Why? I seem to have a rectal-optical problem."

"What's that mean? It means I can't see my butt going to work today!"

Stay warm, have a hot toddy or three for that dry cough, turn up the heat and pretend you're on a tropical beach.

Joanne Noragon said...

The weather has us all talking about the weather. It can go away any time now.

Franklin Bruce Taylor said...

Pearl, I don't blame you. Phoenix is locked in at 75 today. Again. Maybe you need to make an investment. In an airline ticket!

Gigi said...

Even down in the south we are sick of this winter! What can we use to bribe Spring to hurry up and get here?

Launna said...

Sick is an understatement Pearl... I might lose it soon... lol

Not kidding though, Halifax never gets the kind of weather you guys get for extended periods of times but this year has been nasty... like it is for everyone else...

I long for warm weather... the kind I am free to just go out with a tee and a skirt or yoga pants... I don't want too much do I... :)

ellen abbott said...

I'd complain about my winter but you would just sneer, and rightly so.

Dawn@Lighten Up! said...

OH, Pearlie - I am too. Will it ever end? Make it stop, Pearl, make it stop!!!

Juli said...

I am WAY more excited about turning the clocks on Sunday than I should be. Baby steps into the light of hope. :)

Stay warm my friend...

Dr. Kathy McCoy said...

Your winter has been ghastly! One of my best friends lives in Chicago and I've been following his misery on a minute by minute basis. Anytime you feel like coming south, our Arizona guest house awaits!

Ray Denzel said...

I do have a spare room here in Florida!

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

Hoping it warms up soon for you, Pearl. We've got cold weather but not MN cold.

NotesFromAbroad said...

Oh sweetheart, this winter is just icing on the miserable cake that I have been served since moving back to the United States.
Yes, I blame it all on moving back to the US.
Although, we did get a beautiful new baby in the family, we were really enjoying the food .. talking to people in English .. really exciting, that talking to people in English !
But then someone Up There looked down and said, they are too happy. Have to do something about that.
So .. here I sit, alone with a lunatic kitten and I have still about 5 feet of snow in my yard and I hear the bears are coming closer to houses now ... dear god I wish I were back in Argentina .. but I'm not ..
Top that Pearlie :) love you

Daisy said...

Count me in with those who have had more than enough of this winter. I think you should go ahead and take that sick day. You've earned it!

River said...

I want to know more about this lefsa. what is it exactly?
I think you are well within your rights taking a day off. 30degrees below the usual for March? And no relief in sight? I'm surprised anyone goes to work at all. The season does seem to be dragging on and on up there. Perhaps if I light a match down here...you know how they say heat rises....probably I'll need two or three matches.

Linda O'Connell said...

My heart is skipping beats over Daylight Savings Time. Hope beats eternal in my teed off mind. One more snow and I'll have to go!

Deborah said...

All I can say is, "yes."

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I am definitely pro-sick-day. When we accrue sick hours at work, we might as well use em'. I hope my boss doesn't read this post...

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

Daylight saving will be coming to a end soon here and winter is just around the corner which is nice I am ready for a weather change

Pat Tillett said...

So funny... You just couldn't "see" going in to work. Classic.