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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Oh, Honey. I Hear Ya.

The women sitting directly across from me are working their way toward indignant.

Sharp-eyed and sharp-tongued, encased in large, parka-like coats, they have melded together in their bus seat, a four-armed, two-headed commuter.

“We was in that waiting room for almost two hours,” complains the one on the left.  “You’d think we were in line at Disney.”

The one on the right cackles:  Heh, heh, heh.  “I know that’s right,” she says.

“It’s not up to me when them kids get sick,” says the one on the left.  “If I’d a knowed they was gonna be sick, I’d a made an appointment!”

“Mmm-hmmm.”

I look out the window.  The streets are rutted, a ridiculous mixture of heavy/wet snow that has been packed to ice and is now threatening local undercarriages and ankles alike. 

“Then when we finally do get in to see a doctor?  Can’t understand a word he says.  What do you think of that?”

“Mm-mm-mm,” says the one on the right.  “It ain’t right.”

“No, it ain’t,” says the one on the left.  “Every single one of them doctors there is from somewhere else.”  The phone in the purse on her lap starts to ring, and she roots through it, padded arms pushing against the woman on her right.  “It’s a shame.  They could at least give us a doctor that speaks English.”


She presses the phone’s screen, holds it up to her head.  “Who dis?” she demands.  

35 comments:

Shelly said...

We're all from somewhere else, aren't we?

vanilla said...

Were he to speak our version of English, would the commuter in question understand him?

Answer to her question: Who dat?

Pearl said...

Shelly, oh yes we are. :-)

vanilla, I just the conversation was so ridiculous that I had to write it down.
And "who dat" indeed!

darsden said...

LMAO :-) as usual

I could hear her mmmmm hummmm

Delores said...

They needs somun who speaks dere langage.

joeh said...

I prefur ma doctors to come from these here parts, not from someplace else.

Pearl said...

I suspect a cure from a doctor speaking their language may include spitting at a full moon or drinking a beer while upside down.

Nice enough people, but not exactly brain trusts.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Dat's right, honey. Dat's right.

jenny_o said...

I can feel her pain - over the years my ability to understand people who don't talk like me has diminished frighteningly (hearing loss, anyone?) - but I canNOT endorse her attitude! Nuh-uhhh!

Brian Miller said...

ha. i dont know that any of us speak english anymore...nor do we really take the time to understand....

Launna said...

Too funny... reminds me of clients that call in who don't speak full English... yet demand to spk to only an English CSR... oh well... :-/

Diane Tolley said...

I don't think anyone is from where they are . . .

Joanne Noragon said...

You really need spring, sunshine, birds, daffodils.

Daisy said...

Pearl, you have such an amazing talent for capturing what you see and adding a sprinkle of your sense of humor for that special little twist. :D Thanks for the smile today.

Steve said...

You got a big laugh out of me. Good stuff.

Franklin Bruce Taylor said...

Good post, Pearl!

One Bad Pixie said...

Everyone puts their own twist on a language. You can be from the same country, but different parts have different slang, accents, etc. It can make anyone difficult to understand.

Ray Denzel said...

I knew that punch line was coming 😄

Perpetua said...

So sharply-observed, Pearl. :-)

Robbie Grey said...

Fantastic! Oh, the irony. ;p...

Robbie Grey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mandy_Fish said...

Hilarious!

Pat Tillett said...

Her last two words spoke volumes!
Reminds of an elderly lady I know. She was saying something about some other residents in her building. I said who are you talking about? In her HEAVY Japanese accent said, "you know,those non-speaking people." I asked her if she meant that they can't speak and she replied, "yes, they non-speaking Engrish."

I wanted to say something about her being here for about 60 years, and she's still almost "non-speaking." I held my tongue...

Just Be Real said...

Love it. I worry about people understanding what I mean as opposed to understanding me period. Great piece Pearl. Thanks for sharing.

Gigi said...

I was thinking something along these lines the other day when I was at a drive thru line and was asked, "Do everything on your screen look correct?"

I was so flustered, I never answered.

Elephant's Child said...

And she, and her cousins and the rest of her extended family are everywhere.
Stunning vignette. As always.

Leenie B said...

Yep. You could put all that in a textbook right next to IRONY.

Geo. said...

Tricky language, English. I'm surprised people understand me when I speak it --I don't.

Daisy said...

:-D Reminds me of the song from My Fair Lady! Me? I'm from toity toid st and toid ave in Joisey.

jeanie said...

To mis-appropriate a quote I read once "if English was good enough for Jesus Christ Our Lord, its good enough for us"...

Linda O'Connell said...

Who dis? No hello? Well there you go! You sure know how to capture nuance.

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I had no idea that speaking good English was correlated with someone's medical skills...

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

Pearl, you sparkle. Your writing amazes. "who dis?" Sums it up perfectly....LOL

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

Thank you for the laugh

Rose L said...

The doctors usually speak English better than those who answer the service assistance calls I make when computer connections have problems.
What bothers me is the fact that now all the doctors seem so young and I feel like I am disrobing in front of a kid!!!! I have even asked, "Have you finished medical school?"
Years ago they all seemed so much older. When did the doctors become so young??????