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Wednesday, February 19, 2014

No One Asked Me; or I Demand that We All Slow Down

We’ve a new operating system at work.  And as with all other major changes, Acme Grommets and Gravel, a Worldwide Octopus Company, has adopted the “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” path to training.

In other words, I shall miss you all dearly.

The e-mail regarding this change was succinct.

“Dear Colleagues,” it begins.  “Over the weekend, your computer was migrated to our new system.  By now, you will have discovered that your documents are no longer where they were, your passwords replaced with a need for a 14-character/Sanskrit/hieroglyphic combination designed to challenge your senses. 

“We here at the IT Department are pleased to report that seven out of ten of us hope that you live through the next few days.  Should you find yourself, however, at wits’ end, please know that we stand ready to serve, Monday through Friday, between the hours of 10:00 Central and 10:15 Pacific.  In the likely occurrence that you reach our voice-mail, and the unlikely occurrence that we actually listen to it, please leave us your name and issue.  We will play them during Happy Hour, mocking your respective accents, and drawing straws as to who we get back to.”

This new system has been met, of course, with the usual wailing, the standard exclamations regarding both murder and self-harm, the whispered rumors of mythical corporations where the worker is informed of game-changing conversions. 

Have you heard?  There are companies that value their employees, where good work is rewarded, not with 25-cent cans of pop in the breakroom but with pay raises, affordable benefits, and training on updates!

I feel the stirrings of my inner-activist.  She’s a stalwart, sincere little woman about five feet tall, a fist-shaking idealist with socialist ties.

She wears sensible shoes, and I like her.

Shh.  You hear that?  Here she comes, and who can resist?!

Join me, citizens!  Put down those leftover bagels from Accounting’s meeting!  Push away from your natty office chairs:  Rise, stretch, groan a bit, and make your demands!


I want to know where my documents went!!

26 comments:

Daisy said...

Uh oh. I hate that. Every time you just get a system learned, and it works just fine, and you know where everything is; somebody gets the bright idea to change everything. Good luck to you, Pearl! I hope you find your documents.

Shelly said...

Your inner activist needs to join forces with the squat little bald man in your head. Together, they could really make some changes~

jenny_o said...

Technology isn't changing fast enough by itself; we must give it a freakin' push as often as possible.

And by 'we' I mean 'they'.

P. S. It appears my long-lost more outspoken twin is living the good life in your head. She can't help the shoes; foot troubles, you know.

joeh said...

Thank you for reminding me why being old and retird is not such a bed thing.

Your password discription is right on, and remember to change it every month and don't write it down anywhere, otherwise IT help desks would be out of work. I used to have a desk three rows away from an IT help desk, 90% of what they did was help reset passwords.

JennaQuentin said...

At least you'll always know where you left your sense of humor!

Delores said...

I feel your pain sister....I feel your pain. Get those sensible shoes on and let them have it. I can't tell you how many times the cry went up "why don't they ever ask the people who use the damn system what they REALLY need?" from many a cubicle near me.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Whadda we want??
DOCUMENTS
When do we wannem??
YESTERDAY

How's that for five-foot, sensibly shoed stalwart type?? YAM xx

Jono said...

You have nothing to lose but your chains.

goatman said...

Sounds like getting some sense (or at least a caring ear) out of the VA system. I recently had run ins with them and it was not pretty. I feel for the vets who have to deal with nonsense after being shot at and maybe or maybe not hit.
Just reminds me . . .

bill lisleman said...

"seven out of ten of us hope that you live" - you are being generous Pearl.
Time to start showing "Norma Rae" in the break room.

Should Fish More said...

Dear Sir or Madame
Your request has been received and will be the attention it is due.

Thank you for your patience.

Mordac
IT
Director, Preventor of Information

Pat Tillett said...

Oh man! I feel your pain. How about when they do something and it also makes ALL of the shortcut icons on your screen disappear? This group of folks (I know some of them) always seem to make sure that there is a need for them. When there is a need, they always seem so busy. I NEVER called them for help. I would walk to their office and walk in (ignoring the "Please Knock Before Entering" sign. I don't think I ever walked in the there when anybody was working.

vanilla said...

Hey, Acme's loss. No documents, no work. Buff your nails, Pearl. Do the Little Activist's nails, too.

fmcgmccllc said...

IT people are cruel and slightly rancid. I always cultivate them and then a shower when we are finished. Just reading this gives me the "willies".

The Geezers said...

Good luck with that uprising, dear. Decades of fighting with IT practice has taught it is far better just to surrender to the absurdity.

If it makes you feel better, you can call the approach "existentialism."

Gigi said...

The updates...dear God, WHY?! It was working fine!

And then? Just to torture you a little more (at least here at The Good Ole Boy Network) they "reassign" those folks in IT that you have gotten chummy with for just this reason!

The insanity...it never stops. Of this, I am convinced.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

Hey, say hi to my Mom! Don't letter have any donuts, though. She's got the sugar.

Joanne Noragon said...

We need to form a support group.

Launna said...

Pearl I know what you mean but boy did you make me laugh... and did I ever need it...

I have thought the same thing... especially about how they are randomly choosing who to call back... maybe... lol

River said...

Cheeky buggers! How dare they?
i used to hate getting to work after a few days off and finding the whole checkout system upgraded so most of what I knew was now obsolete.
I hope you've found your documents by now. I rather like the sound of 14character/sanskrit/hieroglyphic combination passwords.

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I'm with Joanne. And they're should be doughnuts :)

HermanTurnip said...

Sounds like your HR got together with my HR, got blitzed at a rager, and put together similar rules using nothing but refrigerator magnet poetry pieces and random cliched quotations from The Art Of War. Is this the sort of behavior they teach at those Ivy League business schools, or is it a shared sickness, like Pokemon or Antiquing?

Elephant's Child said...

Nah. At least where-ever my documents are they are safe from mindless editing by people with far too much time on their hands, no grammatical knowledge and fatter paypackets than mine.
Let them stay gone.

Steve said...

Been there through some of it.

jeanie said...

Wonderful!

And if you really want to send them into hysterics, suggest training!! ha ha ha ha ha

Friko said...

Get ye up on the barricades, I say, and show them what you’re made of.

Wipe off the crumbs and swallow. Hard.

Make sure you all get down at the same time though, otherwise you might stick out and get noticed by the bosses.