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Monday, February 17, 2014

I’ll Be Here, Breathing Through My Mouth

You should see me when I’m sick.

If you’re into people who lose their train of thought and gaze off into space, say “what?” a lot, and can’t be trusted to run numbers sequentially, I’m the chick for you.

I keed! I keed!

I’m not really a chick.

True, I’ve been going to work, as is the American Way; and I’m still writing well-thought-out, engaging pizzas with hairy an error, but that’s only because I’ve willfully let go of my zip code and my shoe size in order to accompany such a brain-cell expenditure.

It started a couple weeks ago. Apparently my head has had a falling out with the rest of my body, the result of which is the impression, at least internally, of my head having become twice its original size.

As you can imagine, this has led to the appearance of me being quite slender.

I’m stoked.

But now that I’ve got a giant head I can’t really think with and a much smaller body by comparison, I find I’m not feeling well enough to truly enjoy either.

So as much as it pains me to admit it, I'm sick.

My parents, of course, would not understand. “Sick” happened to other people, probably lazy, slovenly people who didn’t know when to come in from the rain.

You may be too sick to go to school, missy, but you are never too sick to push a vacuum.

Luckily, it’s President’s Day, a holiday recognized by fewer businesses and enjoyed by fewer Americans than is reasonable – and now recognized by my new company.


So if you need me, I’ll be here, on the couch with the kitties.

30 comments:

Pauline said...

Hope your head shrinks back to its normal size soon...

Shelly said...

Did we have the same parents? Hoping you feel better soon.

Buttons said...

Oh Pearl I do hope your Presidents Day holiday helps you get that one day extra rest to feel better. It is Family Day here so everyone can wish Pearl Get Well.Rest and eat Sauerkraut I know but it works I have no idea how:) Hug B

Dawn@Lighten Up! said...

Poor, poor Pearlie! Hope your head shrinks soon! (Wait. That doesn't sound so good...)

Delores said...

Feel better soon Pearlie. Thank goodness for long weekends.

Vicus Scurra said...

I trust that "with the kitties" refers to your feline companions rather than being some euphemism for an appalling affliction.

Susan Williams said...

Presidents Day is the most insincere of all holidays, and really, the Great Pumpkin would not approve.

vanilla said...

Even in your doldrums your mind delivers entertaining gems. However. Get well soon.

Steve said...

Good on you. Here is to better days.

jenny_o said...

I hope the extra rest tips the balance toward health, Pearl. The day off probably doesn't make up for the rest of the new company badness, but as my father would say, it's better than a kick in the seat of the pants :)

Jayne Martin said...

Well, that sucks! Although, I did laugh because, you know, better you than me. ;)

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
As long as you stay that side of the screen we're good... feel better soonest. YAM xx

Geo. said...

Sounds familiar. Sorry you caught the bug. I've had it for 2 weeks. Buy more Kleenex with aloe.

Leenie B said...

Sending you sincere sympathies for your huge head and the terrible, horrendous, no good, ghastly and dreadful winter weather there in MN.

Indigo Roth said...

Was that you just floated past me with a string attached?

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

What a waste of a perfectly decent holiday, getting sick like that.

Elephant's Child said...

Couch and cats cures a lot of ailments, including I hope, yours.

Joanne Noragon said...

I used to believe my mother's pearl of wisdom, a week or ten days, whichever comes first. Actually, colds are like that anonymous note on your back. Kick me, I'm down. Keep me there.

Perpetua said...

Look after yourself, Pearl, and keep cuddling those cats. Hope you feel better soon.

Launna said...

Your parents sound like fun...not... too sick to go to school but you can still push a vacuum.... hmmm

curl up on the couch and get some much needed rest xox

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

I hope your head shrinks soon. What a bummer to be sick on your day off.

Lin said...

Aw, hope you feel better soon, pally.

HermanTurnip said...

You, me, and the rest of my family. It's a strange mutant cold that just won't let go. Went to the chemist yesterday and found that most of the cold medications had already been purchased. There's definitely something going around :-(

Sioux said...

And to cuddle with a kitty on the couch...priceless.

Linda O'Connell said...

Right there with you. I sipped liquids all weekend and lost three pounds. Come to think of it, that could have been from snot loss. Hurry summer! Hope you feel better soon. Darn those germy hacking bus riders up your way and little kids in my classroom.

Douglas said...

It's becoming painfully obvious that you aren't eating the right foods, or possibly not taking the necessary vitamins, you are getting sick way too often... it couldn't have anything to do with the weather, could it? I always hated it when I was sick on holidays so I would call in "well" as soon as I felt better.
Drink plenty of liquids (gin comes to mind), soak in hot baths, take two aspirin (and Nyquil at night), and you will get over this soon. Or not.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

You might be even funnier when you are sick. Nonetheless, I hope your head size diminished overnight but the appearance of being slender has stuck with you.

Daisy said...

Sending warm, fuzzy hugs and get well wishes your way, Pearl. Hope you feel better soon.

Diane Tolley said...

Someone famous suggested blowing smoke in the ears. And have you pooped???!

River said...

Didn't you just recently get over this? Perhaps you went back to work too soon?
Head on down to Voodoo country, they have head shrinkers there...once you are well again, begin a preventive course of supplements, Vitamin C one per day and Cod liver Oil capsules one per day. Wash your hands more often than usual.