I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Monday, January 20, 2014

The Bus Stop at 24th and Nicollet: I Still Got It

When the furnace cracked, the CO2 levels in the attic reached a level that actually seeped onto the/our second floor.  This explains the sore throat and the headaches!  The furnace was turned off and “red tagged” by the gas company – and so we were without a furnace from Friday morning to sometime Monday afternoon (today). 

Join me, won’t you, as I think back to summer, to the bus stop on a warm day that required neither furnaces nor large amounts of cash…


I am standing at the corner of 24th and Nicollet, waiting for the bus.  I have just left George’s house.

Minnesota has days – made all the more precious for how clearly delineated they are, in the overall course of the seasons – that are perfect.  The sky is a high, clear blue, the temperature is comfortable, the humidity at neither science-experiment-hair nor at frizzed-tropical.  The sun will go down soon, and the light is warm and tinted. 

I stand with my face to the sun.  A sweet season made sweeter by its brevity, I close my eyes, feel the sun settling on my eyelids, pressing on the top of my head, my hair.  I feel wonderful, sophisticated.  In a charcoal pencil skirt, a salmon, belted knit top, my pointiest heels, I feel put together, I feel “city” in the best possible way.

I feel someone staring.

I open my eyes to see a man in front of me.  He is wearing baggy sweatpants and a tee-shirt advertising a 5K run held at a golf course in 1997.

He smiles at me, and I smile back.

“Mama, you lookin’ good today.  You comin’ from work?”

I nod. 

He nods appreciatively.  “Oooh, mamacita, you no eat more, you no eat less.  You is perfect, right now.  Total respect.”

I laugh politely, pull my phone from my purse.

Two minutes until the bus comes.  I look up the street – and there it is, maybe three blocks away.

The man is pressing his hair down with his hands, tucks his tee-shirt into the elastic of his sweatpants.  “So where you stayin’ now?”

I tell him that I live in Minneapolis, with my husband.

“You geev me your number, right?  We go to the park, sit and talk.  Total respect, you gnome sayin?”

I frown.  What did he say about a gnome?

“I want to geet to know you, gnome sayin’?”

Ahh.

Now I gno what he’s sayin’.

I smile at him.

And the bus pulls up.

The door opens and I step toward it, second in line.


“You know where to find me,” he calls out.  There is a slight pause.  “Mm-mm-mmm,” he says, almost contemplatively.  “You eat no more, no less.  You is my perfect woman right now, mama.”

25 comments:

vanilla said...

Once you have achieved perfection, stay with what you doon. Gnome sayin'?

Shelly said...

A perfect day made all the sweeter. You still got it at the bus stop, I still got it at the nursing home. Life is good.

Delores said...

You hold on to that mammacita...gnome what I'm sayin'.

Daisy said...

ROTFLOL! Thanks for the morning laugh. You do look beautiful too. Not too "this" and not too "that".

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
I think what the gnome's sayin' is that you got it balanced gal. He'd be 'write' about that...

Elf ya know what ah meennnn. YAM

jenny_o said...

It seems, however, that the dots he is failing to connect would indicate he is not your perfect man.

And, yet, to be appreciated can give a girl the tenderness not to pull out the icy glare.

I'm like Shelly, appreciated at the nursing home :)

Marion Bulmer said...

I iz my husband's perfect woman right now. I eat no more no less, I cook no more no less. All is well.

Your fellow at the bus stop. What a nice man!

Leenie B said...

You do know how to take a sincere compliment. Accept it for the way it was intended, say thank you and move on. Then share it like sunshine where it is needed. Wise Pearl.

Sioux said...

Yes, anytime someone proclaims us as "perfect," that is a good day.

But perhaps a garden gnome would be a better companion than that sweat-panted fellow? You know, like one of the garden gnomes from the movie "The Full Monty"?

Launna said...

Oh my gosh Pearl... too funny...I'm glad you didn't have to wait too long ... nice to know you are perfect now :-D

Joanne Noragon said...

I'm glad you looked around for the bus and it was coming.

Geo. said...

"You is my perfect woman right now, mama.”

Must memorize some of these lines so I can go out and make friends. I learn so much here!

jenny_o said...

And Pearl! CO2 ... not good! I'm glad your gas guy found it and you won't be having headaches and sore throats and possibly worse ... yikes

Elephant's Child said...

How nice that he recognised your perfection.
And I hear you on the cracked furnace front. Ours did just that a few years ago - and we had to wait over a month for the part to arrive.

Susan Kane said...

That is one gem to hold onto when the day isn't going well: you just perfect.

Michele Eigler said...

That guy probably gets laid a lot!

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

You never know when Prince Charming will come along.

Jayne Martin said...

Sounds like quite a catch. One of those, "why me" moments. Yep. Been there -- got the tee-shirt. :)

Jocelyn said...

That man was rare and gifted with the kind of compliment that'll stay with a girl for years to come.

I would totally have worn that same outfit the next day, too. And the day after. Just in case it was still working for me.

River said...

Nice to be complimented that way, but I'm glad your bus came along just then.

maurcheen said...

What a charmer! :-)

XXX

Linda O'Connell said...

"You be looking hot, Mamacita." Now that's one kind of compliment, but to have reached perfection... I'd be hanging on his words, but not his arm.

Mitchell is Moving said...

Well, mama, I can't believe you left your little boy behind at the bus stop. You gnome sayin'?

the walking man said...

Now you know why there is no public transportation in Detroit, you'd have been there for 3 hours getting to gnome him while waiting on the bus.

Suldog said...

Nice to get the compliment, I assume, but...

Anyway, you were without heat for four days? Damn. How many quilts did you wear?