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Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Part II: Loud, Proud, and Likely to Crowd; or Maybe Next Time We Walk

Haven’t read Part One?  It was yesterday.  Click here.  Go on!  It’s only 410 words or so – we’ll wait for you


I cannot hear Mary over the rumbling thoroughness of the diesel engine.  Her lips are moving, however.

I walk from the back end of the truck to the passenger window, which is now down.

“What?!” I yell.

“What kind of room do I have?”

I look to the back of the truck, try to calculate how far it is from the end of it to the next row of cars. 

“Ummm,” I yell, squinting a bit, “about two, maybe two and a half basketball players?”

Mary nods grimly, looks down at the car next to her side of the truck.  “Is that a Jaguar?” she yells.

I move toward it.  “Yep.”

“Uff da,” she hollers.  “I just gotta end up next to a Jaguar, don’t I?”  She cranes her neck to see the car on the passenger side.  “What is that?  A Toyota?”

I move to the other side of the truck.  “Yep,” I shout into the passenger window.  “So if you’re going to hit anything,” I bellow, “You’re going to want to hit this one.”

Mary nods. 

 “You ready?” I yell.  “Let’s get out of here.  Mah dogs are barkin’.”

“Are you any good at this?” she shouts.  “Directing people out of tight spots?”

“Oh, ja,” I yell, nodding vigorously.  “Four years in the service.  Used to guide planes onto aircraft landing decks.”

Mary’s eyes go wide.  “Did you really?”

I grin at her.  “No,” I shout.  “We’re probably going to ruin stuff.”

Mary laughs her devil-may-care laugh.  “Gotta go home one way or t’other,” she says, channeling her inner- and outer-scamp.   She tromps on the gas pedal  VRRRR-OOOOM.  VRRRR-OOOOOM.

I step to the back of the truck, hold both arms in the air.  “Come back,” I shout, waving my warm in a come-hither manner.  “Backbackbackbackbackback – STOP!  STOP!!!”

Mary’s head pops out of the passenger window.  “We okay?”

“No worries,” I yell.  “Now crank it to the right.”

My right?”

“WHAT?” I yell.  “We’re facing the same direction!  It’s both of our rights!”

Mary gives me a big thumbs-up sign.  I watch as wheels the size of my first apartment move, glacier-like, over the snow-covered parking lot. 

I blow warm air on my un-gloved hands.  “OK!” I yell.  “Now straighten it out!  STRAIGHTEN IT OUT!”

The truck slowly straightens out.  I watch as she misses a car by, oh, the length of a carton of eggs.

Hey.  Clear is clear.

Mary pulls ahead as I run up to the passenger door.  “We good?”

“Yep,” I say, hoisting myself into the passenger seat.  “We’re better than good,” I say.  “We are the serving class.”


“Dagnabit, Pearl,” Mary says grimly.  “If we can’t get it done, ain’t nobody can.”

The 2004 Ford King Ranch Powerstroke Turbo Diesel, in sunnier times...

22 comments:

Delores said...

Ain't that the truth.

Shelly said...

Where were you two when I had to back a trailerful of cattle down a narrow caliche road that had turned into a quagmire in the rain?

And if you get into that truck with Mary and point it south, it will find its way back home down here where it was born.

Mitchell is Moving said...

Whew! But I would have just napped in the truck until every other car was gone from the parking lot.

Daisy said...

Awesome - and I'm glad you didn't hit the Toyota. It might have been mine!

jenny_o said...

I only wish all drivers would be so careful!

I only wish that because I've been run into, dinged, scraped and dented FIVE times in parking lots over a thirteen month period.

Haven't been run into for the last eight months. I'm not sure whether people are feeling sorry for my car now, or if it's no longer any fun to hit it.

Anyway, YAY for Mary & Pearl!

Leenie B said...

Uff da! In spite of your denial I do believe you used to guide planes onto aircraft landing decks and I'm expecting to read blog posts about it and how you met Liza Bean there during one of your tours.

Douglas said...

I was hoping Mary would have taken the "Monster Truck" option.

vanilla said...

Nice work, ladies. Serving, and getting home.

Geo. said...

You sure that's a Ford King Ranch Powerstroke Turbo Diesel? Thought the Powerstroke had a 3rd set of wheels in the middle. I prefer the Dodge Ram Bighorn because it's good advice.

fishducky said...

I never had a doubt you's make a clean getaway, but then, I wasn't parked next to you!!

Joanne Noragon said...

If the other two car loads got of of their vehicles (and it seems they did), Mary rocked the parking lot.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
...even one single egg's length is clear. So you're good. &*<>
YAM xx

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

One of the benefits of driving a big truck like that is that you really get to know all the gas stations around town.

Jono said...

A little big for a city veehickle, but the cute King Ranch logos on the leather seats make it all worthwhile.

fmcgmccllc said...

As Ford used to say, "You can run with the big dogs, or stay on the porch".

Sioux's Page said...

I can back into things in a truck, a minivan or a compact car. I am an equal-opportunity smasher and crasher.

Elephant's Child said...

An awe-inspiring pair.

Daisy said...

I don't know how I missed it, but I did miss the first part, but I'm all caught up now. :)

I knew you two could do it! (I held my breath the whole time to make it easier.)

Launna said...

Oh my goodness Pearl, this post made me laugh out loud... especially about hitting the Toyota... you'll want to hit this one... hahaha

River said...

Oh you had me holding my breath there Pearl. Thank goodness you and Mary understand which right is right. And straightening up is always good.

Esther Montgomery said...

Whatever you say, I reckon you directed planes.

Suldog said...

Went to a Celtic's game with my buddy last night. He left his car (an SUV) in the hands of a kid at a parking garage. After the game, we go to retrieve his car. It is wedged into a spot so tight with two other cars that he cannot physically get into his car via the driver's door. He has to come to my side, the passenger door, to climb in and over his stick, swearing profusely the whole time. On the passenger side, there is a pole by the rear door. We cannot clear either the pole on one side or the other car on the other side without pulling in the mirrors on both sides.

In other words, I feel your pain.