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Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Just Hear Those Sleigh Bells Ringin’; or, It’s Like Lysol for the Ears

“We should find a more grassroots way to communicate in this office.”

I scowl, just a bit.  “Grassroots?  What, like passing notes in homeroom?”

He scowls back, just a bit, because he’s funny that way.  “Something like that, yes.”

I nod.  “I’ve been known to post comments in the women’s bathroom.”

He laughs.  “You haven’t!”

I grin.  Maybe I shouldn’t be so forthcoming with my boss.  “Do you know there’s a radio in the women’s bathroom?”

He nods.  “I do.”

I narrow my eyes at him.  He gives me the yes-yes-go-on motion.

“Don’t tell anyone,” I say, “but the radio’s mine.  And when I put it in there, I posted a little sheet, printed it out and taped it to the wall.  What do you think of having a radio in here?  Leave your comments.”

I take a sip of my coffee.  “So I go in there the next day, and it’s absolutely littered with commentary.  “This is cool – tired of hearing you pee!” and “What is this, a thing?” followed by “And what are you?  A thing?”

I take another sip.  “My favorite comment was the one that said something like she liked the idea, she just would prefer a station that didn’t have “a guy talking”, that it freaked her out.  Sounds like a guy is coming through here, she wrote.”

Josh laughs.  “A guy?  Talking?  Is she referring to the DJ?”

“Exactly.  Apparently DJs are outside of her experience.”

Josh nods.  “It’s an iPod generation,” he chortles.

I stare out the window.  The spectacular view has been visually muffled by the snow that started falling before we came in this morning and will continue, ostensibly, until March.

“May I ask you a question?”

I look at him.  “Yes.”

“Just why did you feel the need to bring a radio to the women’s bathroom?”

“Well,” I say.  “May I be frank?”

He nods.  “You may be frank.  You may also –“ and I am suddenly reminded, strangely, of my father –“ be earnest.”  He nods, satisfied with himself.   “You may be Frank and Ernest.”

I grin.  “There are four toilets.  Sometimes, you get the right women in there, all four stalls will be occupado, and no one will “go”, if ya know what I mean.”

He nods.  He does, indeed, know what I mean.

“So I thought a radio might be a distraction.  Let people relax a little.”

A bemused look creeps across his face.

“What,” I say.

“Well, if I may now be Frank?”

I wave a magnanimous hand at him.  “Be whoever you need to be.”

He grins at me.  “I thought it was because the men’s bathroom was so close.”

I stare at him.

“Potential, uh, sounds,” he says.

I laugh out loud.  “You thought the women’s bathroom acquired a radio because of we were tired of the sounds coming from the men’s bathroom?”

He smiles, raises his own cup of coffee.  "Well," he says, leaning in for a sip, "when you put it like that, it seems rather silly."


Delores said...

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me...but then I am neither Frank nor Earnest.
One thing I don't understand is this being unable to 'go'....I usually put it off so long that just walking through the door set me off lol.

Pearl said...

Delores, I'm with you, sister.

One of these days, I'm gonna have an accident. :-)

Silliyak said...

So in the VERY NEXT blog I read after yours is this.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Let ME be Frank! The sound of rushing water would help more than that guy talking.

Pearl said...

Silliyak, I can't wait...

Green Girl, yep. Next is a sound machine...

Pearl said...

Silliyak: AAACK!! :-)

For when you just don't have TIME for the bathroom.

Georgie Horn said...

You always crack me up!

jenny_o said...

I really hope no one ever puts a "water sounds" machine in our bathroom. Just the THOUGHT of water makes me need to go.

And what kind of sounds was Josh referring to, for Pete's sake? What the heck are they up to in there?

Joanne Noragon said...

I pass the men's room on the way, and invariably run smack into a man exiting. We're all on a first name basis now.

Pearl said...

Georgie, I'm glad!

jenny_o, nobody would be able to get their pants undone in time. :-)
As for what men do in bathrooms, I shudder to speculate. I think it involves off-track betting and 2-for-1 draft beer offers.

Joanne, I seem to be on the same schedule as a guy over here.
"Morning, Ralph."

Daisy said...

Hahaha! You are a clever one, Pearl. Always thinking. :D

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Hahahaha, well I for one would welcome a radio in the ladies' bathroom because you're right, no one wants to go when there's another occupant. And you get into one of those unspoken Mexican standoffs where you figure if you just sit tight the other person will do their business and leave and you can let loose, but they're thinking the same damn thing and so you both wind up sitting there in total silence to see who quits first. Radio would help. For sure!

Also, I used to have a desk in a corridor outside the men's room many years ago. Really terrible placement. Men would go in there accompanied by the Wall Street Journal and come out 20 minutes later followed by a stench that would eat through steel. Plus the sounds. My friend Tony likened the men's room aural ambience to "a bad night in Baghdad". Yep.

Ray Denzel said...

Only here would I see ostensibly in a sentence!
I am now visualizing two sheep dogs clocking in an out of work 😁

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
Music for the can...is that where hotels got the idea of canned music??

Not coming any closer than that. Yeeech. YAM xx

Gigi said...

I love you. That is all.

And, I'm making a note to bring a radio to work for the bathroom.

Launna said...

I'm pretty open, not sure I would be that open... lol... I love the idea of a radio in the washroom, I think it would be cool... if I took one it, I highly doubt it would last there though... :)

maurcheen said...

Do what I do, sing & 'GO'! :¬)


Elephant's Child said...

I am wondering what channel the radio is set to? Easy listening?

HermanTurnip said...

Ah...so shy bladders are a more common affliction that I thought. And here I thought I wasn't going to learn anything today...

River said...

Ha Ha!
I'm going to find something my daughter K posted on her blog a long, long time ago, I'll copy-paste it into an email and send it to you to print out and stick up in the women's bathroom. I suggest laminating it first.

Geo. said...

I have no objection to radio receivers in bathrooms. Transmitters, however, should be reported to the FCC.

Rosemarie Blackthorn said...

Occasionally, I'm Frank, sometimes I'm Earnest. It depends on whether I've shaved.

I still love the idea of a radio in the Ladies' Room.

the walking man said...

At least you all don't have freaky prostrate problems to interfere with your business as well as shy bladder.

The Geezers said...

Women are indeed a different species. No one in a men's bathroom has any qualms about bodily sounds, at all. Trust me on this one. It's one of our least appealing features.

Bossy Betty said...

Hey! I think it's a great idea! Those men's bathrooms can get noisy!

Diane Tolley said...

I always chuckle (yes, chuckle) at the woman in the next stall who sits waits to 'go' until I've finished, re-buttoned, and turned on the water in the sink to wash my hands. A radio is a BRILLIANT solution.