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Saturday, October 19, 2013

Have You Seen Mary's Appliances?

Ring!  Ring!

“Good mor – Good afternoon, Acme Grommets and Gravel. Pearl speaking.”

“I’m like a rich person over here,” Mary says.

“You buyin’ the name-brand tuna again?”

She chuckles indulgently.  “Oh, Pearl, Pearl, Pearl.  So droll.”  There is the sound of her opening then closing the lid of a large appliance.

“Do you hear that?” she says.  “That, my friend, is the sound of a washer machine.  And this – “ the lid of another large appliance is opened and then closed.  “ – is the sound of the dryer.”

A smile leaves her lips, bounces off a satellite, and hits me in the ear.  “Like I said,” she grins, “I’m like a rich person over here.”

“No more running to the laundromat,” I say. “It’s the end of an era.”

“It’s the end of a backache, more like,” she says.

“Would you like to describe them to me?  Because I would like to hear them described.”

“Well,” she chuckles, “they’re white.  And one of them washes, and the other dries.  Hmmm.”  She pauses.  “That’s it, I think.”

“That’s all you need.”

There is silence as we each nod.  We know we are nodding.

“Mary,” I say.

“Hmmm?”  She’s staring at her new washer and dryer.  I just know it.

“You’re staring at it, aren’t you?  Lovingly.”

“Am not.”

“Mary,” I say, reproachingly.  “We got a thing that’s called Radar Love.”

“What?” she says, laughing.  “What’s this now?”

I laugh, refuse to answer.

“Pearl,” she says.  “Pearl!”


“I bin driving all night, my hands wet on the wheel…”

“We mock what we don’t understand,” I say, in a mock-hurt voice.  “Scoff at my love for you, but I know that you are standing in front of your washer and dryer, running your tiny little freckled hands over their lids, aren’t you?”

A smile is muffled.  “No, I’m not.”

“And you just stopped.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“I’ll let you get back to that.”


“Appliance-based pervert.”



Teresa Evangeline said...

Nothing makes my heart beat faster than a new appliance ...

jenny_o said...

With the price of appliances these days, you have to BE a rich person to afford even the basics!

fishducky said...

I would be fondling them, too!!

Joanne Noragon said...

The best friends are the best friends.

Geo. said...

Appliances should be hypnotic, joyous things. But times are changing. I don't understand our new dryer's digital controls. What can I say but,“Aaaauccgheghhhh. Garbin flapping rightwing carport.”

Leenie said...

Appliances are supposed to be inanimate objects but I, for one, know they have personalities, feelings and if one gets sick you have to keep the illness quiet or soon they all are ailing. I'll bet both you and Mary have names for your favorites.

Anonymous said...

So happy for Mary and her new appliances. I hope they have many good years together. When I was young and single, I enjoyed weekly forays to the laundromat. The people watching is particularly good, the air is warm and cozy, and you can do multiple loads at once, walking out in less than two hours with clean, folded, laundry for the week. I wouldn't feel that way now, in my older, more populated life.

joeh said...

I know you do not do the laundry mat, because the people observation posts you do of bus riding would pale in comparison to the strange assortment of people you meet at a laundry mat.

Unless I have missed some stellar laundry day posts.

Daisy said...

Brings back memories of my first washer and dryer...sweet bliss! Live well Mary.

Anonymous said...

Your very own washer and dryer are so special. When we moved in here and I got my very firt set I sat and looked at them for ages...just looking. We've replaced them of course but I still pop down and take a peek once in a while. Tell Mary I said congrats.

wellfedfred said...

You're not truly adult until you can do the laundry without leaving the house.

BLissed-Out Grandma said...

My hubby feels like that about the top-loading washer that replaced a nearly new front loader. I totally understand. (And yes, he does the laundry around here.)

Elephant's Child said...

When we swapped a bottle of cognac for our first washing machine (and the washing machine lasted longer and caused less headaches) I kept going to look at it. I don't remember fondling it - but it isn't out of the question either.

Kymbo Whitford said...

New appliances are nice to have...I thought this just the other day as I looked at my old, worn out washer thats been here since my daughter was seven(she's turning 26 soon) I lamented that the noises and slow pumping meant it was nearly time for a new one....

River said...

I like your phone conversations with Mary. It's like you live in each others heads.

Pauline said...

The best kind of friend is the one that can muffle a smile while patting new appliances.

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

There is nothing like a new toy I mean appliance.......

Suldog said...

I totally get it. When we got our new washer and dryer about four years ago, laundry became a fun experience (for about three weeks, then the novelty wore off.) Meanwhile, radio's playin' some forgotten song...