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Thursday, October 3, 2013

Funny, I Was First Flumist in the High School Band


I’ve not felt well all day long. 

By the time I get to the bus, the paper I have stuffed into my bag has taken on special meaning.

I take a seat near the back.  There are three slices of unwrapped American cheese lying there on the floor.

I reach into my purse:  My appointment for the flu shot is tomorrow at 11:45. 

“If you have never had a flu shot before, you may be precautioned to not receive a flu shot now.”

I frown in confusion, something I swear off every New Year’s Eve.

Confusion is giving me wrinkles.

But man, I hate when I’m precautioned.

Still, this one bears further inspection.   Riddle me this:  If I’ve never had a flu shot before, and may be precautioned against getting my first one because I’ve never had one, how will I ever get a flu shot?

I lift my hand to my forehead, smooth my brows and try to think bland, cow-like thoughts.

My head hurts. 

“You may receive your flu vaccine by injection or by flumist.”

Ah, my head.  First “precautioned”, now “flumist”.  Not two words, as in “flu mist”, a nasal mist sort of vaccination, but one word:  “flumist”.

Well I’ll be danged.

Me, I’ll take the injection.  I press my cheek to the cool window, close my eyes.

I like my vaccines like I like my men, I think, sharp and strictly regulated through the Food and Drug Administration.

Ha ha

I laugh softly to myself, glance down at the slices of cheese at my feet. 

Seriously?

I’ve felt better.

24 comments:

Indigo Roth said...

Poor bunny. May I help? I'm FDA approved. Without lobbying. ;) x

Delores said...

Oh dear...I hope you haven't already come down with the flu...if you have the flu and sneeze is that 'flumist'?

Daisy said...

Uh Oh!!! Sounds like you are about to join the company of "flu-mists". If that cheese was still wrapped .....?

Shelly said...

I hope you feel better soon, my friend. I'm making caldo con pollo (Mexican chicken soup) today and wish I could send you some.

joeh said...

You've been pre-cautioned? After the shot do they caution you again?

You make some very good points here.

I would be afraid.

Simply Suthern said...

I thought a "Flumist" was one with the flu that hacked, coughed and sneezed on the bus.

bill lisleman said...

Regulated men - wow that's pipe dream. You know that idea could possibly turn the tea party around.

smalltownme said...

You're not supposed to get a flu shot if you are not feeling well. I can vouch for that!

vanilla said...

First chair flumist? What an accomplishment! Further precaution (don't furrow your brow): avoid eating food found on bus floor.

Daisy said...

The cheese--ugh!

I've had a flu shot before, but not the mist. I'm with you. Stick that needle in my arm and get it done. I don't want to inhale it. I need to get my shot soon too--thanks for the reminder, I think?

jenny_o said...

Aww, Pearl, I hope you're better today, and can get your shot.

If they're going to call that stuff "flumist", maybe the needle should be called "flujab". The whole process needs a bit of jazzing up, I think.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

I prefer to get my flu vaccinations via whiskey. I believe fluskey is the medical term.

Jono said...

Hey, I like my women the way you like your men! Coincidence? I wonder...

Joanne Noragon said...

It is going around. I have my hex sign at the ready for all flushed people who cross my path.

Kymbo Whitford said...

I never ever got a flu shot...then I did and it made me sick so I didnt get it again for several more years. ..but then I got Swine Flu which damn near killed me (and half the town) I get the shot every year from then on. Get the shot..but I caution against it..

Linda O'Connell said...

Got the flu shot once and was sick all winter. My dentist said the same thing, so now, I rely on lye soap, no not really, it's that antispetic anti-bacterial stuff that rots your fingertip skin off. Preschool students think the world is their tissue.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

Flumist..., is that like aromatherapy?

Elephant's Child said...

Get better. Soon.

Janie said...

Ha, ha. Who the heck was writing the precaution? Not an English major, that's for sure. I'd be very worried about the flumist. Flu mist, on the other hand, might be fine.

Rosemary Nickerson said...

I have to leave. Can't stand the smell of vomit or the sound of retching. See ya. Feel better soon.

Diane Tolley said...

Umm . . . I think it's pronounced flou-mist.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

Hope you are feeling better, Pearl. Seriously, who would ever choose the flumist over an injection. The flumist is like a carnival ride, but the injection...well...the injection is like a trip with NASA.

Cloudia said...

close your eyes and think of cats, Pearl
ALOHA from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
=^..^= <3


River said...

If you are already unwell, an injection is not recommended. If you already have the flu, then it won't do any good anyway. Hope you feel better soon. Who leaves cheese on the bus? Probably dropped from a pram by a baby.