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Saturday, September 7, 2013

I'm Gonna Have to Move Those Magnets Further Up on the Fridge


The Cat Labor Laws have been posted on the fridge.

Now who do you suppose did that?

Of the two cats, I just don’t believe Dolly Gee Squeakers (formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers) has it in her.

Dolly’s concern regarding labor laws and fair play go no further than making sure that I continue to labor (the cat box in particular is a source of nail-biting concern for her); and as far as fair play is concerned, Dolly’s integrity is called into question on a regular basis.

Witness the Ball of Yarn Fiasco, which Ball she took, by force, from Liza Bean.

Amusingly enough, Dolly Gee then found herself completely entwined in said yarn, the result of dragging it around in circles, in and out of furniture legs to the point that she became lashed to a chair.

Liza Bean Bitey, of the Minneapolis Biteys, laughed until she fell over.

No, Dolly’s not the one concerned that she may be asked to do a little work around the house.

That leaves Liza Bean as my prime suspect.

To be honest, I am a strong Labor/Union proponent.  In my dyed-in-the-wool Minnesota-ness, I stand firm on the side of the worker.

And I would never cross a picket line.

Still.  Have you seen the Cat Labor Laws?

Let me pull a couple of these laws for you.

No Cat shall work more than 20 minutes without a Grooming Break.

No Grooming can be done properly in under 30 minutes.

And of course…

Laps shall be provided, preferably those of slightly overweight women, upon demand.

Perhaps the most telling bit of documentation scotch taped to the refrigerator:

All grievances between Cats and Humans will be settled by the Cat winding in and out of the Human’s ankles whilst the Human stands at the top of a flight of stairs.

I'm not sure this Cat Labor Union really have their members’ best interests at heart.



After all, Liza Bean almost always has a grudge of some sort, and it’s gonna be hard for me to open a can of cat food from a heap at the bottom of the stairs.

26 comments:

Optimistic Existentialist said...

There needs to be a bill drafted so that it can be sent to Congress. But then again we'll never hear from it again if you do that :)

Silliyak said...

Our local regulations specify 4 am upper torso kneading with JUST enough claw to not make you jump or swat the cat. (swatting would invoke further penalties)

sage said...

Just threaten Liza Bean with the possibility of a move to Wisconsin where the governor is known for his harsh dealings with unions... Or, get a dog, when it comes to dealing with cats, they have their own union rules!

Leenie said...

I KNEW they were organized! Those innocent eyes and benign smiles are all a sham.

Timothy Hecht said...

Wasn't the feline Union movement started by Cat Stevens?

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
Point of order Ms Secretary -

Your last item is valid until the possibility is taken into consideration that said union members may be using the ploy of distract and disable in order to form their own 'raid and fade' strategy - viz; once Pearl has been onioned they can remove from refrigerator all appropriate items of consumption and disappear to corners dark whilst Ms Secretary recoups...

(end extract from minutes of meeting in respect to after-shocks of stair-quake).

@~} YAM xx

joeh said...

Clearly cat owners should not live in a multi-story dwelling.

Perpetua said...

It sounds like time for a bit of inter-union in-fighting. Get a copy of your Human Labour Laws up on that fridge pronto and highlight the one that says incapacitated humans are not allowed to work a can-opener.

Jacquelineand.... said...

You could always cut off the 'nip supply?

jenny_o said...

Like Perpetua said, you need to fight fire with fire - and if all else fails, lock her in the bathroom with cold kibble and water. And a litter box.

Z said...

Hang on, could those Laws not have ended after 'No cat shall work"? I'm not sure what work cats actually do, unless they are employed to catch mice and small birds, which is money for jam, surely?

Joanne Noragon said...

Don't be too sure Dolly took that yarn by force. If the (non) labor force is reduced by half, the potential for exclusivity doubles.

Sioux said...

And one that you didn't include: All work ceases when a moth makes its way into the house.

Launna said...

I think Liza Bean would do well to remember she needs you alive and uninjured to keep feeding her... post that on the bottom of your fridge ;-)

Delores said...

I would have expected more detail from Liza Bean.....

Eva Gallant said...

The law is the law!

Daisy said...

Cats Work???
Whodahthought!

Elephant's Child said...

I need to keep this post away from Jazz n Jewel. Their rules are rigorously enforced already without the weight of the law behind them.
And I remain very grateful that my opposable thumbs keep my 'usefullness quotient' high.

Geo. said...

Strangely, I am in favor of the Cat Labor Laws. They closely parallel demands of my labor union while I was a member. Besides, they are pure genius.

River said...

Working for only twenty minutes at a time? I can handle that! I'm not sure about the thirty minutes of grooming though. Wash the hands, run a comb through the hair and I'm done. guess I'm not a true cat in spite of being a Leo.

Rose L said...

Watch out for that one

broken biro said...

You want to watch out for those wildcat strikes

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

In my next life, I shall be a cat. They have a better union.

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

I think your cats forget at times that they need you maybe a little more then you need them........

Daisy said...

It's true cats do bring their own set of rules with them. They like to be in control. Makes me appreciate my poodle dog all the more! Ha! :)

jabblog said...

Cats don't always think ahead, do they?