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Friday, August 16, 2013

Just a Moment with Mary and Pearl

Ring.  Ring-ring.

“Good afternoon, Global Octopus, a World Domination Enterprise.  Pearl speaking.”

“Pearl?  I did a bad thing.”

I brace myself.  When Mary has done a bad thing, it can be an exceedingly bad thing indeed. 

I check my cube mate for signs of listening, a furtive gesture.   She is humming what I believe may be a hymn.

“What’d you do?”

Mary presses her lips against the phone, a gesture I find endearing, whispers into it conspiratorially.  “Kathy said I could have a cupcake.”

Mary has lost almost 30 pounds in the last four, maybe five months.  I’ve spent the last month or so warning her:  You need to stop now.  You look really awesome, and this is putting pressure on me.  Cut it out.

“You didn’t.”

“I did.  After I finished cleaning her place, I had a cupcake!”  She laughs, lost in the memory.  “It was a cupcake.  From a cupcake place.  You know.  The kind that specializes in cupcakes.  A dense, moist, love-filled assemblage of ingredients that reminded me of the time –“

“Mary!”  I shout into the phone.  I have not had this kind of – gulp! – moist, heady carb for, oh, a year, and I find my mouth watering involuntarily. 

Tamra turns, eyes wide. 

“Shutty, Mary,” I hiss into the phone.  “You just stop that right now.”

Mary laughs.  “It really wasn’t that good,” she lies.

“You lie,” I say.  “And I love you for it.”

There is silence as we contemplate the warped direction our friendship sometimes takes.

“ANYway,” she says, as if shaking herself awake, “I’m at Lund’s, gonna pick up some vegetables for tonight.”

“Try to remember that there are no vegetables in the bakery section,” I mutter.

“Oh, I LOL,” she chortles.  “I LOL at you.”

I smile.  “Enjoy your shopping.”

“Talk to ya later, Pearl.”


33 comments:

Indigo Roth said...

She'll be onto a loser if she tries to eat MY cake, I can tell you. Why, I oughta...

Shelly said...

I had to look away for a moment. Now on the 12th day of a low carb, no sweets diet, I almost wept at the description of the...of the...the...*c-u-p-c-a-k-e*.........

Pearl said...

Indigo, I shall warn her to never touch your cakes. :-)

Shelly, it is to weep, is it not? :-) I'm gonna get her, and I'm gonna get her for the both of us...

Eva Gallant said...

Fortunately, cupcakes don't tempt me, but chocolate fudgey gooey brownes...now that's another story altogether!

Simply Suthern said...

You can't have Diet without Die. So I refrain, Watch her closely.

Pearl said...

Eva, oooh. Also a source of temptation for me.

Simply, I keep both eyes on that girl at all times. :-)

Jeanie said...

“It really wasn’t that good,”-You've gotta love a friend who will tell you a lie like that.

Pearl said...

Jeanie, she's a good girl!

Linda O'Connell said...

I can so relate to Mary. In the green room in one of our writer events, there was a box of Jilly's cupcakes for the cast. Let's just say that someone didn't get her fair share...but I did! My hips can attest.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Cupcakes? Who needs them? Chocolate, brownie-fied or otherwise? Hmmm now and then.

Motichoor ladoos? OMG. I never knew I had a sweet tooth till I ate Indian mithai.

Strange thing is it's not the sugar that lures me, but the mix of cardamom and cinnamon and clove...... sigh.

So Mary may have her cupcake, I say. YAM xx

Pearl said...

Linda, :-)

Yamini, and now I am off to find out what motichoor ladoos are!!

Jono said...

If I lived within 50 miles of a bakery I would make Jabba the Hutt look like a super model. Even 250 miles north of you I can smell the temptation!

Joanne Noragon said...

I don't know about Friday nights on vegetables.

goatman said...

I thought they were muffins?!

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Alright, for the curious RECIPE here!... luscious melt-in-the-mouth balls of sumptuousness.

&*> xx

vanilla said...

Pearl, weird friends are the best friends; and if you don't get that a cupcake once in a while is a good thing-- good for the spirit if not for the body (and maybe even for that, too), then that is your loss. Mary did good.

bill lisleman said...

Amazing friendship - sharing cupcake breakdowns. Do people really spell out LOL while speaking now?

Delores said...

Mix her up a few diet friendly cupcakes..you know the kind I mean..with wheat germ and bran and broccoli in them...hot damn they're horrible.

Pat Tillett said...

As long as I don't see them, I can avoid eating these things. When I do see them, I will eat all I can. I'm sure it's some type of personality defect...

Launna said...

Thankfully cupcakes are not my thing... you might have been able to entice me :)LOL

jenny_o said...

She should have avoided that Kathy person - that enabler/dealer/pusher of cupcakes - and all would have been well for Mary, for Pearlie, for Shelly, for me, and for many, many, MANY others.

Bah.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh good lord! Today's the first "no carbs" day for me. My mouth is watering and going to live vicariously through Mary!

You two crack me up!

xo jj

Elephant's Child said...

Cupcakes? No. Brownies? Sometimes. But those Motichoor ladoos sound amazing. It is too early to be drooling and if I short out the keyboard you (and Yamini) are to blame. And blame you I will.

Daisy said...

Droooolling!

Skoots1moM said...

soooo, what was on the plate that she cleaned before she ate the cupcake?...I wonder

River said...

Dear sweet Pearl, the bakery section does contain vegetables. In the CARROT cake. So they're good for you.

Merlesworld said...

Can't help it I love cake but I do like carrot and banana cake do they count.
Merle................

Geo. said...

Nothing focuses my whole attention like " Ring. Ring-ring...I did a bad thing.”

Which is why I answer the phone, "Maybe, maybe it's me."

Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

Mary could always buy lots of carrots.

Then she could make you both an extra-large carrot cake, with cream cheese toppong.

Kymbo Whitford said...

Cupcakes are sin.. They look so small and defenceless and who can resist the cute little things...

Dawn@Lighten Up! said...

Oh I LOL at you two, too!

Daisy said...

Cupcake, such a sweet and innocent sounding word, but there is danger lurking within!!

:D

Every now and again, everybody needs a cupcake.

Suldog said...

You had me at "Global Octopus". The rest was just gravy.

(Mmmmmmmmmmm. Gravy....)

Seriously, I'm still laughing at "Global Octopus". It's funny, of course, but something about it tickles me beyond regular-funny. Thanks for that.