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Friday, August 30, 2013

At No Time Did the Bus Driver Attempt to Run Him Over

What’s with the bus stories?! 



It is 6:40.  I have had a successful day so far in that I have managed to dress myself, negotiate the flight of stairs to street level and walk to the bus stop without incident. 

I beam inwardly. 

Look at you, I think to myself.  All up and at ’em on a Wednesday morning.  You’re a good little taxpayer.  Yes, you are!  Yes you are a good little taxpayer!

I walk the four blocks to the bus stop.  Ahead of me and already at the stop is a man I know by sight.  I have attempted friendliness with him in the past and have failed.  He is an angry person, and so I have decided to deprive him of my company.

That’ll teach him. 

Just beyond him and coming toward me is a woman I am on a “mornin’” basis with.

“Mornin’,” we say to each other, smiling.  We are dressed similarly:  light gray skirts, silky tops in complementary shades of lilac, silver sandals.

“Nice outfit,” she says.

“You’re lookin’ pretty spiffy,” I say.

The bus arrives; and it is, as is usual at this time of day, close to empty. 

I take a seat at the back of the bus, near the exit, where I put on my iPod and close my eyes. 

There I am, moonlighting as replacement for Buddy Rich.  As so often happens, by the end of the performance, I have garnered the admiration of a theater full of people.  Why, Buddy himself approaches me at the end of the night, offering me champagne and the key to his hotel room, which I laughingly decline.  My husband, Jeff Bridges, is not amused, however; and so we are just boarding the plane to our vacation home in Alaska when –

There is a change in the light in front of my closed eyes.

I open them.

Angry Man is standing in front of the rear exit door.  He has pulled the cord – I can see that the “Stop Requested” light at the front of the bus is lit – but while the bus has slowed down to take the corner, it is apparent that he is not stopping.

It happens.

“HEY!”  Angry Man shouts, angrily.  “Back DOOR.  Back DOOR! You stupid !@#$!” 

The bus driver slams on the brakes, and the green light over the back door lights up.

“THANKS for doing your JOB,” Angry Man says, pushing his way out.  “Good JOB.  What a GREAT START to my DAY.  You’re lucky I don’t –“

And the door shuts.

I close my eyes and find myself back on the jetway with my husband Jeff Bridges.

“Nice outfit,” he says, smiling.


I smile back.  “You look pretty spiffy yourself,” I say.

37 comments:

sage said...

Every time I begin to think highly of humanity, I run across someone like this guy. Stay in your dream, it's nicer.

Leenie said...

You can always depend on yourself for positive feedback, but it's nice to get it from the like-minded. As for those Oscar the Grouches, they probably just haven't figured out how to drum up their own Buddy Rich dream--pathetic.

Nessa Locke said...

We had Angry Army Guy on the patio at lunch. Conspiracy theorist. Tons o' Fun!
He disappeared, and we wondered about him, but I have discovered that he has married an old high school friend of mine. Small World.

And you do look spiffy in that outfit. You're like a trend-setter...or somethin'.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Personally I preferred Mr Narcissus. Though I guess we need Mr Angry to understand the balance...

Silky lilacs? You write spiffy &*>

YAM xx

Shelly said...

What if, what if...Angry Man was your imagination and Jeff Bridges was real?

Simply Suthern said...

"True Grit" Jeff Bridges woulda fixed Angry Man right up.

Douglas said...

Angry Guy has an issue, or issues, to deal with. Both Lindsay Lohan and Molly Cyrus refuse to twerk for him. And you think you have problems...

bill lisleman said...

Like me, I think you benefit from low expectations in the morning.
Sad that angry man interfered with that great dream you were having.

jenny_o said...

If this is the same bus driver as yesterday, he must be a patient man!

Enjoy your vacation in Alaska!

fmcgmccllc said...

I work with a few angry people and I always feel bad for them, having to wake up like that every day.

Delores said...

Keep angry man on the fringes of your consciousness...don't let him or any of the other crazies any further.

vanilla said...

Don't you just hate when the Bridges are so rudely interrupted?

Daisy said...

a diva married to Jeff...great dream to start the day! As for A.M.-poor fellow has to live with himself. But you have Jeff! Hope the bus driver has someone spiffy too

Jinksy said...

Thank goodness for our ability to dream...

Rosemarie Blackthorn said...

I am not worthy. I am not safe to be let out the house at 6.40.

I would be Mr Angry.

I think he should just get up later, I'd bet you he'd be a decent human being.

Joanne Noragon said...

A small bump in the road, so to speak.

Jono said...

Do I look spiffy in your dreams? I look like a cross between Sean Connery and Harrison Ford, only younger. In my dreams.

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I had to deal with a seriously angry and cranky student today at the college I work at. Must be something in the air!

Mandy_Fish said...

Angry Guy needs more caffeine.

Ian Lidster said...

A bus story! A bus story! I love your bus stories. You get so much out of little incidents that other people would just pass by. Oh, and say 'hi' to Jeff for me.

Elephant's Child said...

Bus drivers have sooooo much patience.

Gigi said...

I try to remember that we all have those "Angry Man" moments but it's the folks that go through their entire lives angry that both irritate me and evoke my pity all at the same time. If you are that freakin' unhappy then you need to make some changes.

Enjoy your daydreams - they sound fascinating! And, hey! You ARE looking pretty spiffy!

Timothy Hecht said...

Ah, I was once an angry young man.

Now I'm a mellow old fart.

Actually I have learned to hold back my anger because I'm a former Marine and Ice Hockey player. If I lose my temper, people go to the hospital.

So, now I'm a mellow old fart.

Robbie Grey said...

Your bus stories take me back to a previous life. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Ain't that aways the way? ;)

jeanie said...

His wife - or sister - was doing groceries today. She had an issue with the pre-packaged sauce bases and our proximity to them.

Sucks to be them - creating their angry lives.

Much prefer ours.

Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

Are you sure that Lilac is really your colour?

Stick with drams...they keep us sane.
Just be glad you don't think you're a cat...that would be truly horrific.

River said...

I feel sorry for bus drivers worldwide who have to put up with passengers like that.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

in my version it is Bruce Springsteen. or Liam Neeson. or...well..could be a number of people.

Kymbo Whitford said...

Yes...Happiness or Sadness, Anger and Hate are all within us all, we can be any one of them (or all if you like) In the end we choose to be who we are..it's just lucky you happen to be a snappy dresser.

jabblog said...

I'm glad you weren't the focus of Angry Man's venom - that would have destroyed any chance of getting back to your lovely dream.

Esther Montgomery said...

Pearl, I've just noticed you have 1234 followers. That's amazing. I'm falling over myself with impressedness. Next time I bump into Angry Man, I'll ask him if he knows. 'Hey,' I'll say. 'Did you know Pearl has 1234 followers?' That'll give him something to think about!

Launna said...

It is sad when people are having a bad day and they take it out on everyone else.

I deal with clients all day, some are so nasty but I let it go and get on to the next client, who I usually laugh with...

I try hard to not let people get o me with their nasty moods:)

Slick said...

He may be like a few folks I know who believe that the entire cosmos is out to ruin their day.

He'd be angry regardless of where he was or what he was doing.

Eva Gallant said...

Glad you don't let angry man ruin your day! Jeff Bridges is much hotter!

Mitchell is Moving said...

So glad you were able to escape back into your fantasies of Buddy Rich, Jeff Bridges, and Alaska.

We obviously do NOT have similar fantasy lives.

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

See this is what happens when you are angry the bus driver things I will show you and make you walk further, just because he can...........

Diane Tolley said...

I think he was briefly married to my sister. Sigh.