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Monday, July 22, 2013

Have You Considered Picking Up a Lovely Bit of String for This Evening?

Yet another repost as my tendinitis -- in both hands! -- continues to heal.  Please send beer and Indian food -- and enjoy this rerun from February of last year.

“Good morning, Acme Grommets and Gravel, a Worldwide Octopus Corporation, Pearl speaking.”

“Good morning, Pearl. How are you?”

For just a moment, I am speechless. Frankly, I’m shocked. The cat never calls me at work. I look quickly toward my cube mate, an intensely sincere Marketing intern I suspect is spying on me.

“Liza Bean?” I whisper. “What’s going on?”

Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys), a small, symmetrically striped animal with a long-standing grocery-related request for “the good shrimp” and an electric violin in the pawn shop, pauses.

“Well, you see…” she trails off, uncharacteristic in a cat with so many opinions, whereupon there is the sound of the phone being dropped and four tiny paws scurrying across the floor.

I wait patiently.

There is a muffled, scrabbling noise as the phone is retrieved.

“As I was saying,” she says.

“What was that about?”

Liza Bean takes a deep breath, sighs. “Well, you see,” she says, “I seem to be having a bit of – MRRRROWWWWW”.

Again, the phone is dropped. I jam my finger into my right ear and close my eyes, trying to picture the scene at home. Again, I hear her feet go skittering across the hardwood, only this time – that’s not four paws, is it?

I swear I hear the sound of two cats running up and then back down a length of curtains.

The phone is picked up again.

“As I was saying,” she says.

“Who gave you this number?” I say.

“You did.”

I briefly consider my decision-making skills. “So get on with it,” I say a bit irritably, “what’s going on?”

There is the sound of a small cat clearing an even smaller throat.

“You see,” she says, “I hate to ask, but Dolly seems to have wound a bit of string around her tail, and every time she goes past me –“

“Liza Bean, listen to me,” I interrupt. “Shut your eyes. You need to shut your eyes or we’ll be here all –“

For the third time, there is the sound of a cell phone being dropped.

I mentally roll my eyes. The Marketing intern casts a sideways glance at me.

The phone is picked up again. “As I was -- ”

“Liza Bean," I interrupt, "shut your eyes. Right now. Are they shut?”

“Hmm,” she says. “Yes.”

“Can you make your way to the big chair?”

“Yes,” she murmurs. “You know,” and her voice has taken on the introspective, dreamy sound of someone walking with their eyes closed, “when Dolly walks by, dragging that piece of string, I just can’t seem to help myself.”

“We all have our weaknesses,” I say.

“Hmm,” she says.

I glance over at my cube mate. “Look,” I whisper. “Just go to the chair until I get home,” I say. “Can you do that?”

“Hmm,” she says. Liza Bean Bitey, of the Minneapolis Biteys, is falling asleep.

“And stay there,” I say.

“Pearl?” she purrs.


“Bring home some half-and-half, won’t you?”

I sigh. “I’ll see you after yoga,” I say.

“Thanks, Pearl.”


mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Every time I read this post I can see clearly the helplessness of the situation. Oooh...string....gotta go.

Bossy Betty said...

Thanks for the smiles. Get those paws well soon!!!

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Sounds like Liza Bean could use some intervention. I hear half-and-half works wonders.
Feel better, Pearl's wristies.

Sioux said...

Some string caught on a tail, some half and half, some of the good tuna--life is delightful...

Silliyak said...

Nothing worse than a strung out cat

Jennifer A. Jilks said...

Beer and Indian food! I have stomach flu. sigh

vanilla said...

I don't remember what my comment was last time, but I say, this is so good! The images this conversation evokes-- I am so glad you brought it back.

But heal soonest!

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
I love this one - it makes me want to purrrrrrr.

I just made paneer masala - but delivery charges may require mortgaging the humble Honda... &<.

Indigo Roth said...

I have the same problem when Domino's drive by. And believe me, they're tired of me chasing them.

Shelly said...

I am entertained easily as well. I once sat 15 minutes in my car just listening to the navigation voice talking to me.

Linda O'Connell said...

You sure can make me smile. Hope you're healed soon!

esbboston said...

My main problem with string is when it shows up in my laundry, washed or unwashed, and it is coiled up in the shape of a scorpion. I am sure that almost eveRyone has had this problem of becoming unstrung with string in sting form at one time or another; I just wish it would go away. And "or", "pi" and "on" are some of my favorite tiny words - I guess its when you hook the "sc" at the front that it just becomes eVil.

jenny_o said...

When things entice us that we ought not to chase, wouldn't we ALL be better off to close our eyes, navigate to a big chair, and have a nap? Yeah ...

Joanne Noragon said...

This is something I would have forbidden my kats--er, kids--to call me about at work. "She's annoying me..." is an opened ended phone call.

fishducky said...

It's not just your cat, Pearl--I have the same reaction to string!!

goatman said...

As Zippy naps in the big chair I wish I were as flexible.

Heidrun Khokhar, KleinsteMotte said...

Get well son.

Leenie said...

Great re-post. Pearlisms are like lasagna, even better the second time. Big wishes for fast healing.

River said...

"just go to the big chair until I get home"
If only kids and husbands could follow those instructions.

Eva Gallant said...

This made me chuckle the first time, and again today!

Ray Denzel said...

I will buy the beer but only if I can deliver it!

Mr. Charleston said...

Indian food and beer. My kind of gal. Hope you heal soon Pearl. Need you back at the keyboard.

Suldog said...

Sorry to hear about the tendonitis. Indian food is good for that, if it contains capsacin. I think that's how you spell it. If you have enough beer, it doesn't matter.