I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Boy Scout, My Butt; or, It Pays to be Prepared

In a world rife – and fraught!  Let us not forget fraught! – with countless details, any one of which could be the exploding gas tank on the roadside emergency that is your typical workday morning, I’ve changed tack.

I shall no longer pull the next morning’s outfit together the night before.  No longer will you see the skirt, top, jacket/sweater and accompanying jewelry hanging, nightly, in preparation of Early-Morning Pearl’s 6:00 A.M. Stumble.


From now on, I’m prepping for a whole week.

How’s that for optimism?

I shall continue to believe that I have a reason to dress for work until specifically requested to not return.

So far, this has worked for me for dang-near 30 years now.

Lucky me.

So that’s what I did Sunday night:  I prepared myself.  Laid ‘er all out.  Five outfits. 

Looked like I knew what I was doing.

I congratulated myself quite aggressively that first morning, called myself all kinds of pleasantly chummy things.  “Good going, old girl!  Old bean!  Old sock!  Look at you, all prepared!”  I enthused whilst brushing my teeth.  “You really have a good head on your shoulders, don’t you?  And might I commend you on your continued daily use of Listerine.  Not like that Oh-I-promise-to-floss-every-day load you gave the dentist last time we were there.  You really should take more–“ 

It is at this point that I cut me off. 

Frankly, Early-Morning Pearl doesn’t have time for that kind of crap.

And so there I was.  Monday’s outfit, right down to the heels.

Man, but I’m good. 

Roughly an hour later, I run into Robin. 

“I love that jacket,” she says.

I twirl around, raise my arms, all fashion model-y.  “This ol’ thing?” I chirp.

She frowns.  “Just how old is it, anyway?”

I stop.  “What?”  I twirl again, only this time the twirl is not so much fashion model as it is dog-chasing-tail.  “What’s going on?”

“Well,” she says tactfully, “looks like you’ve ripped out most of the right sleeve…”

I pull my jacket off, cast a horrified eye on the decimated seam connecting the right sleeve to the body of the garment.

Bruce Banner,” Robin says sorrowfully.

I concur.  “Never borrow your jacket to a superhero.”

Does this mean I won’t wear tomorrow’s outfit, a jaunty skirt and fetching top with a Nehru collar?

Nope.  But it does mean that the sewing kit I’ve had in a desk drawer for almost 10 years now finally came out Monday morning.

One does like to be prepared, after all.


Indigo Roth said...

Ooooh, a Nehru jacket? Sounds très chic, ma petite pomme frite. Skirt, nice pair of heels, lost my train of thought. Roth x

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Methinks Roth up there is all flustered by the thought of pumps and a skirt. Let's fluster him some more:

My work here is done.

Eva Gallant said...

A torn sleeve does not detract from your exceptional organizational skills!

Indigo Roth said...

Dawn, stop that right now!

Shelly said...

As I read this, for some reason, you had a British accent throughout in my mind. Are you indeedy Brit? In my mind, when I have a British accent, it's always Cockney.

Pearl said...

:-) I'm solidly Minnesotan, but I do enjoy referring to myself, for some reason, as "Old Bean".

Dawn, stop teasing Indigo. :-)

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

What? What'd I do?
*cough* slip-lace-FMPs *cough*

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jenny_o said...

You've reminded me, I really should put a couple of safety pins in my purse. I used to be prepared for anything ... and ended up with a pinched nerve in my purse-carrying shoulder. But a safety pin or two probably wouldn't do any harm ...

Congrats on your preparedness! Not only five days worth of outfits but a complete sewing kit in your desk.
*raises eyebrows admiringly*

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
hmmmm what shall I wear today? White sari with the 5 catch blouse. White sari with the 7 catch blouse. Fold it with 3 pleats? 4? 5?

Even in different times, I mostly worked where uni...ahem... 'corporate wardrobe' was the norm. Cuts out a lot of planning requirement. Shoes, though, shoes permitted the individual flair. Those and the hair. Malfunctions
still happen though. Faces go red. Sigh...

Simply Suthern said...

Mighta been a little easier to just take off the other sleeve.

Regardless a torn sleeve beats a ripped out rear seam anytime.

Buttons said...

That's what staplers are for:) B

Sioux said...

I STILL miss a turquoise Nehru jacket pant suit I had as a teen...(sigh)

Kana said...

You are a whole variety of wonderful well-aged things, my old bean, old pal, old card.

I too am a night-before girl, as I know I will give negatively shits about it in the AM. I have found however, in laying out a week's worth of outfits, there's too much second-guessing myself later in the week to have it be truly worth my time. "What was I thinking? No, I look like a third grade teacher when I wear those together. NOW WHAT DO I WEAR?"

So I'm back to a case-by-case basis, so at least the second-guessing usually comes halfway through the workday, when it's comfortably Too Late.

Z said...

I saved a small pageboy's blushes at a wedding with a safety pin last year, but a whole sewing kit in a desk drawer - you had me at 5 daysworth of clothes, but that is awesome.

On the other hand, wouldn't work in England, Never know what the weather is going to be like from one day to the next.

Anonymous said...

Not the sewing kit Pearl....NOT the sewing kit.

Glen said...

they don't make seems like they used to. Could have been much, much worse. It was a damned good try though

Geo. said...

Your post are just so fun! And well-composed. I compliment especially the comma in its title which kept Boy Scout from becoming a verb.

HermanTurnip said...

I was once a Boy Scout, and fully embrace the "Be prepared" motto. I keep a "get home bag" in my car should I have to get home during an emergency and the roads are closed or I run out of gas. I also keep food and essentials on hand at home in case of an earthquake.

No joke here. It's always nice to be prepared for emergencies.

Gigi said...

I keep thinking I ought to lay out tomorrow's outfit tonight....if not go whole hog and do a whole week's worth....but then I know come morning, I'll just be too discombobulated and determine that I must have been drunk when I laid out THAT outfit because I'd NEVER wear that combination to work.

Rose L said...

"Never borrow your jacket to a superhero." Uh, I hate to be picky, but it would be never LOAN your jacket to a super hero.
Those super heroes can be rough on stuff.

Daisy said...

I am impressed! I roll out of bed and stand in front of the closet for several minutes every morning until I determine what I'm wearing for the day. Planning ahead is not my forte. Ha! :)

Diane Tolley said...

Pfff. You organized types. I'm still planning yesterday's wardrobe. And thinking of getting out of today's pajamas.