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Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The Action on the Bus on a Friday Afternoon

It’s been a quiet day.

That changes with her arrival on the bus.

Sit here, next to me, won’t you?  Because she looks like the kind of woman who will be entertaining, and I tire of witnessing these things by myself.  Bright purple pants, silver sandals, a Pepe Le Pew tee-shirt knotted at the waist and proclaiming “I’m a Li’l Stinker”, I can’t help but hope that she is, indeed, a li’l stinker.

But back to the pants, for one turns down one’s iPod when these kinds of pants get on the bus.

These are not just any pants.  These are, if you’ll excuse the expression, “in your face” pants.  Perhaps there was money involved, wagers placed as to whether or not she could get them on and keep them on for a length of time.  Made of a surprisingly sturdy material nonetheless going a bit shiny and distressingly thin in the rear, I get a good look at the seam running up her backside as she stops at the seat across from me, bends over to place her bag down in the seat next to the window.  She throws herself into the aisle seat with a satisfied “umph”.

Then…

“Mmm-hmmm,” she intones.  “You got that right.” 

For just a moment I am startled.  I then realize she’s talking on the phone.  I stare out my window, ears attuned.  Who got what right now?

“Mmm,” she says.  “That’s what I think, but dang!  Michelle gon’ take him out, honey.  First time in history a sittin’ president be killed by his own wife.”

What?!

“That’s what I say,” she nods, laughing.  “Girl, you know the only reason he make Condoleeza Rice Security Advisor is so he can get in her pants!  Heh, heh, heh!  Nah, nah, she good-lookin’, but if Hillary threw a lamp and missed, Michelle gon’ throw the lamp and it gon’ find its target.”

Ah.  The mystery revealed, but it’s not Condoleeza Rice that has been named National Security Advisor.

It’s Susan Rice.

Shall I tell her?

In the end, I decide against it.

There’s nothing to do but turn my iPod back on – and watch her as she departs, just three stops later, still laughing about what’s about to go down on Pennsylvania Avenue.


Dang.

32 comments:

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

The inside scoop can always be found on the bus.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Oh, Pearl - you make me want to chuck my 1-hour solo ride in my clean, jukebox-on-wheels VW Bug for a filthy, yet altogether interesting bus ride with the pants and reality challenged among us.
Hey - it'd give me more posts, that's fo' sho'.

Simply Suthern said...

I'm sure it's a common mistake in DC. They have so much in common.

joeh said...

Don't all those Rice girls look alike?

Powdered Toast Man said...

I love people watching and listening to other conversations.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
There is just nothing like a bit of Friday Bus Action to set you up for the weekend! Pearl is back in style. YAM xx

Jayne Martin said...

OMG! Snorting coffee out the nose is painful! This is just so "dang" funny.

Pearl said...

There have been a number of weirdnesses on the bus lately...

The warm weather really excites us Minneapolitans. :-)

Pearl

Leenie said...

Dang. That was well worth turning down the iPod. Your report was almost as good as being there. Heh, heh.

Shelly said...

I have found that Pepe Le Pew always foreshadows a good time.

Judy said...

I have no idea how you got my blog address, but oh, my! What I have been missing!!! as I chortle through your amazing posts!!! I am going to tear myself away, and check out more blogs, but I will be back!!!

terlee said...

She seemed so confident, for a minute I thought, "But wait, when did Condoleeza become National Security Advisor???"

Thanks for my morning coffee snort... ;D

Ian Lidster said...

A bus story. I love me your bus tales. I might add I have a Pepe le Pew T-shirt. My 2nd wife said he reminded her of me in a certain respect. Oh, and I thought I was the only one who wanted to get into Condoleeza's pants, only to find out it wasn't her at all. A delightful saga.

esbboston said...

I should have looked on the NSA website career section to see if that job was posted. IF NOT, then we should complain, because that means I didn't have a chance to apply ....

Geo. said...

To my knowledge, no one has seen Condoleeza and Susan in the same place at the same time. Maybe bus lady has knows one is the secret identity of the other.

jenny_o said...

Well, dang, it doesn't matter if the FACTS are right, it's how much conviction you have that you're right in SAYING them, isn't it?

Joanne Noragon said...

How heartening you can find a discussion of national politics on the talk passenger for the early morning commute.

jabblog said...

Hee hee hee - whatever happened to Condoleeza Rice? Great eavesdropping, I mean listening Pearl:-)

Eva Gallant said...

Obviously, the way to start one's day is with a bus ride!

Kana said...

The Purple Pants Political Perusal should totally become a regular segment. For the sake of your readership, you might want to consider paying for this woman's 3-month-pass to ensure further gems.

River said...

Purple pants? Bright purple pants? tight, bright, purple, wearing a little thin in the rear....I thought you were going to tell of splitting seams. So glad that didn't happen.

Gigi said...

Well, despite her ummm...misinformation, she seems pretty positive about Michelle's aim.

Pat Tillett said...

HA! That was too funny! Everybody in their own reality...

TexWisGirl said...

so much potential there...alas, too little time and correct info. :)

HermanTurnip said...

The aerodynamics of the household lamp makes hitting your target almost too easy. For added challenge, I say she tries trowing a spittoon or an umbrella stand.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Wise of you to go along with THAT Rice;)

Elephant's Child said...

She was wrong - but soooo right too. I believe that if Michelle threw ANYTHING, it would hit its intended target. Eavesdropping on the bus is such a wonderful start to my day. Thank you.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Nah, it's probably best you didn't correct her. Then, in spite of right in front of you, correcting her would be an admission of the fact that you'd been LISTENING. (gasp) As if we have much choice. I couldn't tell you how many times I've embarrassed myself by responding to someone I thought was talking to me when they were actually talking on a phone-like gadget.

Glen said...

pissed wife Lamp throwing could find its way into the Olympics.

There has to be a place for that

Kymbo Whitford said...

People in distressed pants and loud shirts rarely know enough to be interesting Pearl.

Mr. Charleston said...

LOL Condoleeza just sounds better than Susan, don't cha think?

Sagewoman said...

Reminds me of the other day when the recycling guy parked the truck out front - you know this is gonna be a good conversation - and started talking about Barbara Buono, NJ's Democratic candidate for governor. Sonny Bono's ex-wife. Can't figure out why she isn't still singing or using her real name. I always liked that Cher. I should have told him, yeppa, and I like that Bono singing guy, too. Who used to be Cher's daughter. Life - ya gotta love it.