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Friday, June 21, 2013

Part One: Liza Bean Bitey, of the Minneapolis Biteys, Once Drove a Cab, You Know

My wrists are killing me.

A repost, if you don't mind.  In several parts.

By the time I arrive at Psycho Suzi's, Liza Bean is two gin and tonics in.

The evening is on her, payment for her having borrowed my car the other night.

“Pearl!” she shouts.  I scan the deck, an elaborate bit of planking and grass-hut roofing overlooking the Mississippi River, to find the cat seated next to the waterfall, a tiki-inspired water feature near the center of the action. 

Liza Bean Bitey, of the Minneapolis Biteys, a cat with a degree in Marketing and a penchant for sushi-grade tuna, has her glass in the air.  The waitress – a Betty-Paige lookalike with a tattoo of a devil flexing his muscles running the length of her arm – appears from the shadows with a fresh drink in her hand, sets a gin and tonic at the table in advance of my arrival.

I watch the cat slip her two dollars.

I wend my way through the tables.  The crowd at Psycho Suzi’s is a particularly hip one, and I note that I may be the only one present without a tattoo.

I sit down.  “Have you ordered something to eat?”

The cat shrugs a delightfully small shrug, leans over and wraps tiny black lips around her straw.  “I’m thinking the tater tots,” she says into the drink.

I stare at her.

“What?” she says, mock-offended.  “They’re barrel-shaped potato products, they’re campy, and I love them with all my heart.”  Here she winks at me.

She knows how much I love that.  I wink back and set to squeezing limes into my drink.

“So what’s the occasion?”

“Does a kitty need an excuse to visit with her favorite human?”

My hand goes automatically to my purse, where I feel around for my wallet.

Still there.

The cat chuckles, a light-hearted sound with a hint of larceny.  “Really, Pearl,” she says.  “Do I look like a pickpocket to you?”  She laughs again, holds up a paw, whereupon our waitress appears.  Fishnet stockinged legs beginning in practical shoes and ending in a red-and-white gingham-ed mini-skirt, she pulls a pen and notepad from her vintage, 40’s-era apron. 

Liza Bean smiles, teasingly, up at her.  “Are the tater tots fresh?”

The waitress barely contains a yawn.  “They’re frozen, but then they're cooked, so I'd say they're fresh.”

Liza Bean stares at her, blinks slowly.  “Yeeeeeeeees.  We’ll have an order of tots, and – Pearl?  You want the usual?  The pickle roll-ups?”

I lift my drink, by way of acknowledgment. 

“And the pickle roll-ups,” the cat says.  “Oh, and two more gin and tonics, if you’d be so kind.”

The waitress skitters off, and the cat and I smile at each other. 

“So,” the cat says, leaning forward, green eyes sparkling.  “Did I ever tell you that I used to drive a cab?”


Shelly said...

I think I'd like to waitress Liza Bean's table. She tips well and it would always be interesting.

Be gentle to those wrists, Pearlie.

Pearl said...

Shelly, and there's so much to listen in on at the cat table. :-)

Simply Suthern said...

Hmmmmm!!! Tell me more about these "Pickle Roll ups"!

Indigo Roth said...

Hey Pearl! Please DON'T tell me about the pickle roll-ups. But the tater tots sound gooooood. Roth x

Eva Gallant said...

I can't wait to hear Liza Bean's cab driving adventures! Mr. Eva drove a cab for a few years; I bet they could share some good tales!

Pearl said...

Simply, Pickle Roll-Ups are a Minnesota staple, as they go especially well with beer. :-) You take two to three pieces of that Buddig Corned Beef, slather a cream cheese/worcestershire mixture over it, overlapping the pieces, and then lay a dried off pickle (you must dry it or it gets weird) on one end and rolling it up. Refrigerate for a bit, then slice, saving the "butt ends" for much later when you're quite drunk and out of the prettier roll-up pieces. :-) Delish.

Indigo, Don't read the above. :-)

Eva, oh, she has had many taxi adventures. Oh, the things people will do and say in a cab!

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

If you are the only one there without a tattoo...does that mean Liza Bean has a tattoo and where is it and what is it???????

Elizabeth Rose Stanton said...

That gin-drinking-car-driving Liza Bean Bitey is some cat. I think, next to my own, she just might be my favorite :) I so love your posts, Pearl (and I am so woefully behind in reading them--had a manuscript due--now I can settle in and catch up!).

jenny_o said...

My cats are plainly holding out on me. They wink, they yawn, they even smile on occasion, but NEVER have they ordered pickle roll-ups and gin & tonics for me. I can feel an interrogation coming on. (Just to be clear, it will be me, not them, asking the questions.)

Buttons said...

Take care of your wrists Pearl. I love a table full happy cats and I like the way Shelly thinks about tips:) B

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
I'll take as many of these reposts as you care to give us, Pearl-ji!!

Rest them wrists, gal. YAM xxx

bill lisleman said...

Pearl have seen this clip? You could have written it.


Pat Tillett said...

My cats have yet to buy me a drink! Now that I think about it, you are probably going to end up paying tab.

Simply Suthern said...

Sounds good, We do that same thing but we use pickled ocra.

Daisy said...

That Liza has a lot of secrets!

So sorry to hear your wrists are hurting, Pearl. Hope they heal soon. Hugs to you.

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

A repost is cool just like Liza Bean.........

Elephant's Child said...

I am so sorry to hear that your wrists are giving you grief again/still.
Liza B is always a delight, and I would love to go drinking with her (and you).

Rosemary Nickerson said...

G&T's with pickle rollups.....hm. I guess it's the same a Gin Martinis and olives. Now I'm salivating, thinking gin and haven't even had breakfast.

Rosemary Nickerson said...

ps. hope your wrists get better soon.

jabblog said...

Liza Bean is a fascinating companion and soooo sophisticated.
Your poor wrists - they're taking a long break, aren't they>