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Tuesday, May 7, 2013

What The Cool Kids are Keeping in Their Basements These Days


Both hands in wrist-stabilizers, I am next to useless.  You've no idea how badly I want to write, but the Carpal Tunnel Syndrome will not allow.  Please send gin, limes, a typing monkey, and someone to brush my hair.

And in the meantime, enjoy this tale from April of last year, wherein Mary gets the appliances of her dreams.



Ring!  Ring!

“Good mor – Good afternoon, Acme Grommets and Gravel. Pearl speaking.”

“I’m like a rich person over here,” Mary says.

“You buyin’ the name-brand tuna again?”

She chuckles indulgently.  “Oh, Pearl, Pearl, Pearl.  So droll.”  There is the sound of her opening then closing the lid of a large appliance.

“Do you hear that?” she says.  “That, my friend, is the sound of a washer machine.  And this – “ the lid of another large appliance is opened and then closed.  “ – is the sound of the dryer.”

A smile leaves her lips, bounces off a satellite, and hits me in the ear.  “Like I said,” she grins, “I’m like a rich person over here.”

“No more running to the laundromat,” I say. “It’s the end of an era.”

“It’s the end of a backache, more like,” she says.

“Would you like to describe them to me?  Because I would like to hear them described.”

“Well,” she chuckles, “they’re white.  And one of them washes, and the other dries.  Hmmm.”  She pauses.  “That’s it, I think.”

“That’s all you need.”

There is silence as we each nod.  We know we are nodding.

“Mary,” I say.

“Hmmm?”  She’s staring at her new washer and dryer.  I just know it.

“You’re staring at it, aren’t you?  Lovingly.”

“Am not.”

“Mary,” I say, reproachingly.  “We got a thing that’s called Radar Love.”

“What?” she says, laughing.  “What’s this now?”

I laugh, refuse to answer.

“Pearl,” she says.  “Pearl!”

“What?”

“I bin driving all night, my hands wet on the wheel…”

 “Scoff at my love for you,” I say, in a mock-hurt voice, “but I know that you are standing in front of your washer and dryer, running your tiny freckled hands over their lids, aren’t you?”

A smile is muffled.  “No, I’m not.”

“And you just stopped.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“I’ll let you get back to that.”

“Weirdo.”

“Appliance-based pervert.”

Click.

35 comments:

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
Mary - I'm with ya gal. Been there done that. Perhaps not with the washer dryer scenario. Definitely with the fridge-freezer. And the microwave.

...and ya shoulda seen me when I got Voo-voo the Vaio here. Can't keep my hands off her. That's why Blogland got stuck with a new nutter.

Sorry Pearl. Truly. Heal well. Sending wrist-fixing thoughts your way. YAM xxx

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

A washer and dryer in your home is a true luxury.
Pearl, you know they have something called voice to text?????

Pearl said...

Yam, the new gadgets these days!! :-)

Delores, I'm starting to think I may need to look into them. But will they understand me?

Geo. said...

Pearl, any impediment to your writing is a great calamity. And you are not "...next to useless." I'm way over here.

Pearl said...

Geo., Ooooh. :-) Nicely done.

joeh said...

OK, caught ya! If you can respond to comments you can type, now start posting some new stuff...slacker!

Well...go ahead and rest, the old stuff is just as good cause to me it is new stuff!

savannah said...

you have serious skillz, sugarpie! ;~) xoxoxoxo

Pearl said...

joeh, honestly, I have at least two dozen ideas/stories to write. :-( I'm doooooomed.

savannah, you are always so kind. Please come north and brush my hair. :-) You know how it soothes me!

jenny_o said...

Did you know it is almost impossible to get a washer that just washes and a dryer that just dries? Simple is a lost concept, unfortunately!

I hope your need for a typing monkey is history very soon.

Perpetua said...

I do hope your wrists heal quickly, Pearl, but meanwhile I really enjoyed this. Being a relative latecomer to your blog there are so many of your past posts I've not read yet.

Mitchell is Moving said...

Does Mary lean against the washer and dryer while they're running? I've heard that can be fun.

Sure hope you recover quickly from the carpal tunnel syndrome. Awful!

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

"... there's a voice in my head that drives my heel . . .''

Feel better, Pearl's wrists. I could never write if I didn't type it out. No one - including me - can read my handwriting.

fishducky said...

What's wrong with being in love with your appliances? They never ask for a loan or the keys to your car, unlike some people & cats we know!!

Susan Kane said...

Only one who has had to wash clothes in a bath-tub can truly appreciate a washer and dryer. The best appliances ever!

Joanne Noragon said...

Ah, the first ones. Mine were harvest gold. Not to outdone, Mom turned in the old Maytag tub washer and got avacado green Maytags--washer and dryer.

Daisy said...

I'm pouring the gin and slicing the limes! Hope your wrists are better soon. Meanwhile, I enjoy the older posts too.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I would never trust a monkey with a typewriter.
That said, I still get goosebumps when I look at my now-3-years-old washing machine.

Eva Gallant said...

Hope the wrists improve soon; in the meantime, the trips down memory lane are very pleasant!

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

I liked my washer and drier so much I named them Steve and Mrs. Foofers. But currently Steve is not talking to me because he's a dick.

Gigi said...

I know how Mary feels. I feel the same about my recently, fixed dishwasher. Once it was healed, Hubby and I just stood and stared at it, dusted the lint of it and stared at it some more.

Feel better soon, Pearl. Or even better, come South and I'll type for ya!

Sioux said...

Radar Love? What a blast from the past, Pearl!

River said...

I know just how Mary feels. (Felt) I remember the day I got my new washer like it was yesterday. 19 years ago it was and I spent an awful lot of time walking back and forth to the laundry room just to look at it and touch it, empty the load and put in a new one, because of course I had to use it straight away too. Couldn't wait to wash things! I must have washed everything in the house in the first week of having it. I didn't care about the dryer so much, it was old already and I hardly ever used it anyway. We hang our clothes on a line out in the sunshine here. That dryer must be 30 by now.

River said...

P.S. I found that by wearing my wrist braces (stabilisers) to bed at night I was able to function reasonably well without them during the day for several hours at a time. If I was just sitting and reading, I'd put them back on again.

HermanTurnip said...

Wrist stabilizers? Is that anything like steering or aero stabilizers? Could these be considered blogging performance enhancing tools to get a leg up on the competition? Should we be concerned?

Linda O'Connell said...

Your reruns are funny second time around. Hope you feel better soon. You may need to flip someone off.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

It's a good thing you have such a store of great posts to come to the rescue. Poor thing. I hope those wrists feel better real soon. Doesn't sound like any fun at all.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

Oh, I know how Mary feels! Did she mention the lint trap, and how nice that was also?

Elephant's Child said...

I went and patted (lovingly) my first washing machine. Often.

And I so hope your poor wrists are improving. Quickly. And completely.

Roses said...

Hey, I'll come be your typing monkey.

The downside is: it'll take me time to get the cash for the flights together and I'll need a sofa to crash on...and feeding regularly...and good coffee.

Otherwise, it's a totally practical solution!

:-)

The Savage said...

Hey Pearl,

https://www.google.com/webhp?source=search_app#q=voice+to+text+software&source=univ&tbm=shop&tbo=u&sa=X&ei=_Q-KUdmuJ4Km8QSu1oHoBg&ved=0CD8Qsxg&bav=on.2,or.r_cp.r_qf.&bvm=bv.46226182,d.eWU&fp=8d10e368cdaec024&biw=1600&bih=775

Just saying...

the walking man said...

Though I paid for it 8 years ago i have not been allowed to even touch the washing machine and get scolded if I look to long at it.

Get the surgery for the hands, it works, i had both of mine done and was back to work with my power tools in 90 days. No laser though! A small slip and "oops sorry it's only one burned off nerve"

Pat said...

I know how she feels. One of the sons insisted I got a dryer and have now completely forgotten how I swore by drying linen in tne fresh air -brushing against the rosemary bush.

Juli said...

Doctor told me I have the carpal tunnel all the way to my elbows so that is why the braces are no longer working. I've been in pain so long I have no idea what "normal" feels like.

So yeah... I totally get it right now. :( Feel better.

Daisy said...

I agree with Mary. Owning a washer and dryer can make you feel quite rich when you have spent any amount of time in a laundromat. :D

Rose L said...

If you lived closer I would be helping you! I hope your hands are soon better and you can put them to work!