I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

We Have Buck Owens on Line One

When I got on the bus this morning there was something new to consider.

See him up there? The guy at the front? He’s got a new cap, bless his heart, and he wants you to know just how very new it is.

And, apparently, how much he paid for it.

Remember Minnie Pearl? C’mon – ‘fess up! Who here remembers Hee-Haw?

This is Minnie, in her store-bought hat, the price tag proudly hanging, proof that she bought it, proof that she could afford it. Minnie was a comedian, and the hat was both a poke and a bit of a valentine aimed at country folk.

Ladies and gentlemen, Minnie’s back, in saggin’ trousers and a Chicago Bulls warm-up jacket, and she’s been reincarnated as a young man riding the bus.

I look at him from my seat toward the back and wonder if he’s heard of Minnie Pearl and what he’d think if he knew I was comparing him to her.

He’s sitting in the sideways seats behind the driver. The holographic sticker he’s failed to remove from the brim attests to the fact that this is a genuine cap made by a genuine manufacturer. The price tag hanging proudly in his line of vision corroborates the cap’s – and perhaps his – value.

I briefly toy with the idea of walking down the aisle, tapping him on the shoulder and whispering “Hey, you forgot to cut off your tag”.

I, myself, am unwilling to wear an article of clothing with the price tag still attached, partly because a good deal of my clothing has price-reduction stickers all over its tags and partly because unless it's part of your act, it's stupid.

There is also, of course, the subsequent need to carry the receipt with you. Hey – if you’re going to wear a hat with a price tag on it, you may be asked to provide evidence that you purchased it.

Minnie, Jr. departs at the Light Rail stop. The bus proceeds; and we are poorer for his absence.

Human beings are fascinating.


fmcgmccllc said...

You know that plastic strip that runs down the leg of the pants and tells the size? Yep, I wore that to work once.

Indigo Roth said...

Hey Pearl! This rarely happens in the UK; it's considered a social faux pas. Not that we speak French. Mais, non. Roth x

Shelly said...

Ain't nothin' that says jen-you-wine like one o them fancy holocopter stickers. Ah been a lookin' on ebay to score me some.

joeh said...

I believe the origin of wearing the hat with the price tag still on it was as an indication that the hat was stolen.

Don't it make a parent proud!

Pants around the butt to emulate prisoners who aren't allowed a belt, and tag on the hat to show it was (or may have been) stolen, and then claim discrimination when you are turned down for a job!
"I had be tryning to be employinated, but everyone I conversate with to jobanate myself is bigotryated...damn!

Jeanie said...

Maybe he was on his way to buy (or score in some other way) a pair of scissors. (BTW, why do we call scissors a "pair"?)

~Sia McKye~ said...

Hanging tags have me itching to pull out my little sewing kit and get my scissors to cut them off. But there are those who do wear certain price tags as a statement.*eye-roll*


mybabyjohn/Delores said...

HowDeeeee.....I loved Minnie....she was always so happy.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

"Where oh where are you tonight?
Why did you leave me here on my own
I searched the world over and I thought I found true love
You met another and *pooft* you was gone."
Of course I remember Hee Haw. How could one forget Hee Haw?

Pearl said...

You people are goofy. How did you find me?


I am full of joyous, countryfied love.

And HowDEEEEE! indeed.

jenny_o said...

The opening three notes of a country song tell you whether you're gonna want a hanky or a party. It's something you don't get from other music :)

I do remember Minnie Pearl and Hee Haw - but mostly Miss Pearl.

Hey, you share a name!

Geo. said...

Wow! I hadn't thought of Minnie Pearl in many years. Thanks, I liked her, and thought of her as a truly American mad hatter. Wonderland's Mad Hatter's hat tag said ten shillings and six pence. I never knew what Minnie's said.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Joeh beat me to it - then again maybe the kid needed the dangle in order to keep his focus. Like you say, there's nowt as curious as folks.

...well you didn't say it like that, but... YAM &*>

Susan Kane said...

I have also left that strip down the leg of slacks. It it says "Size 10" I may leave it on as long as it will stick.

Jacquelineand.... said...

Did you know....that Minnie Pearl (aka Sarah Cannon) was from a wealthy family, went to one of the South's most prestigious universities, and was a dancer and teacher of dance for many years?
Also, her real voice was actually very gentle and refined. She was also a spokeswoman for breast cancer treatment after battling an aggressive form of breast cancer herself...and long before most people spoke about it.

You didn't? Well now you do!

Daisy said...

I do remember Minnie and Hee Haw. I would guess that being compared to Minnie is probably not the look that young man was going for. I'm glad he provided you (and us) some free entertainment, though. :D

Joanne Noragon said...

Perhaps I am older than dirt. I would never have deduced droopy drawers emulate prisoners and hats with tags shout "stolen." I saw the wearer of said pants go into a motel room over the weekend, with a really beautiful woman. I did note the pants were specially cut not to live around the ankles, and a special undershirt was required to cover his boxers. When we came back from supper the black Chrysler Imperial he drove was gone. It's the motel with the geese; we won't be changing.

Eva Gallant said...

I do remember Hee Haw and Minnie Pearl, but Jacqueline just educated me about her!

Eva Gallant said...

I do remember Hee Haw and Minnie Pearl, but Jacqueline just educated me about her!

Saimi said...

Um, guilty as charged, I've worn clothing where I"ve forgotten to remove the tag....yep, kinda embarrassing.

I guess I should embrace my stupidity and call it 'bringing back Minnie's fashion!'

Gigi said...

Boy howdy - did you bring back some memories! Yes, I remember HeeHaw!

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

As a kid I thought Buck Owens' red, white, and blue guitar was the coolest thing since Han Solo.

chlost said...

Didn't watch Hee Haw, but I sure know Minnie! My mom wore a fancy hat to church with the tag still attached. She was very embarrassed, and was teased about being just like Minnie Pearl. If only she'd known she should have been proud of it.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I've forgotten to cut off tags, too.
And every now and then I belt out a "HOW-DEEE!" just like Minnie did.

Lin said...

I STILL refer to Minnie Pearl regularly. My kids only know who she is because I'm continuously throwing out her name. I also toss out "Hazel" too, because that just confuses the pigs at work. Sigh.

I think I would have tapped him on the shoulder and whisper quietly "You really should google 'Minnie Pearl'" I'm guessing he'd get a giggle out of it later.

or he'd just murder you.

Linda O'Connell said...

Around this neck of the woods allt he guys wear the tags on their hats. They say it keeps the value????

Susan Flett Swiderski said...


Oh yeah. 'Course, I remember her and "Hee Haw". That show was just good clean fun. And corn.

I don't think I've ever forgotten to remove a price tag, but I have gotten dressed up all spiffy sexy... and had the label sticking out. Kinda ruins the effect, ya know?

Elephant's Child said...

Hee Haw and Minnie Pearl didn't reach us - I don't think. I like Minnie's logic though. It reminds me of a neighbour who used to wear a bandage around her ankle when she had a headache so people would ask her what was wrong. And could be told.

River said...

I have no idea who Minnie Pearl is or was, Hee-haw neither. I always remove all price tags the minute I get home, while I'm waiting for the kettle to boil for coffee.

Vicus Scurra said...

My name is Vicus Scurra. I am worth 13 shillings and sevenpence 3 farthings.

Roshni AaMom said...

The main thing to ask is how much was the hat? Maybe THAT's what he wanted everyone in the world to know!!