I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

I'm Going Through An Awkward Stage


A repost from 2010, while my wrists heal.

And in other news, Minneapolis is expecting snow.  Snow in May.  Today and tomorrow.


Sigh.



Today – and for the first time in, oh, three or four hundred years – not only have I not worn winter boots, but I’m wearing a skirt.

Ankles, people. Ankles! Out there for just anyone to see!

I feel reckless and wild, so 1920s. Next thing you know I’ll be bobbing my hair and smoking tea with some palooka.

It’s a heady day the day the winter boots come off and the neck-to-ankle down coat stays on the peg at home rather than riding your winter-worn shoulders.

And there's more! Of course, I feel as if I’ve already thrown too much at you – all this excitement could easily lead to high-fives, the clinking of glasses, and other displays of emotion – but if I don’t tell someone, I’m going to burst.

You ready for this? Brace yourself. You may want to get a firm hold on a large bit of furniture…

In the next couple weeks, I’m going to swap out my winter clothes for my summer clothes.

I do feel the word “giddy” is over-used, but it keeps springing to mind.

It’s tricky business, this changing of the wardrobe. The month of March cannot be trusted – and frankly, April’s a suspicious looking block of time as well – but who can resist the lure of the under-the-bed storage boxes? Will it snow again? It might! Do I care? No, my friends; I do not. The end is near and it looks like a strappy sandal.

Just think. I have clothes that I haven’t seen in six months, so basically what I have is new clothes!

Do I like them? I’ll bet I do!

Will they still fit me? I certainly hope so!

If I don’t like them, can I borrow yours? Thanks, buddy!

You see? This is how it starts. One glorious step at a time.

And first we take our boots off.

25 comments:

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Haha - Oh, Pearl. I've got no pithy, witty comment - just that I love this. I glanced at the under-bed boxes this weekend, and thought - nah - too soon, because you're right. April is a shady, sly month.

Pearl said...

Aw, but Dawn! A winter storm warning in May? :-)

haphazardlife said...

Yep, the boots are off. And giddiness ensues. Some green stuff is actually poking out of the brown. Be still my heart!

Jennifer Hoppins said...

That is funny! I grew up in Michigan and know that feeling. North Carolina is my adopted home for eleven years. I now enjoy boots and coats and crisp air and snow. Absence make the heart grow stupidly fonder.

terlee said...

You're getting snow, I'm getting unprecedented heat in the 90s when temps should be in the 60s. What's the world coming to that we can't count on May??

Shelly said...

My goodness- with ankles on display for everyone to see, what will be next? The neck? The wrist? What is this world coming to...

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

You're a wild woman for sure Pearl...next thing you know the toe rings will be on display.

Leenie said...

I'm so with you on this one, and so is everyone else here. I saw joggers this morning in shorts and tee shirts nevermind that the temperature was 28 degrees. I haven't gone quite that far over the edge but I'm tossing my wool socks. Snow or no snow---IT'S MAY!

Leenie said...

GIDDY!

jenny_o said...

I'm still carrying gloves in my pocket, just in case. And the boots are still on the boot tray. Living in such places renders us the mindset of a boy scout, does it not?

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
Oh dear. Shall I tell thee of a summer's day
In Mumbai city far away?
35 (in centigrade scale)
hot water winds blowing a gale
add to that the extra whammy
hun'erd-twelve per cent humid and clammy

I shower to get dry. I shower at boiling point so's to feel cool when it stops. I shower.

Please send mops.
YAM !*>

vanilla said...

Surely hope you aren't sorry about removing the boots. And bare ankles?

vanilla said...

Surely hope you aren't sorry about removing the boots. And bare ankles?

Silliyak said...

Red Flag Warnings here on the north left coast (hi temps+wind)

Pearl said...

So the world has gone nuts, weather-wise, is that what I'm hearing?

Yamini, would LOVE to see your part of the world, although I would have to do some hardcore braiding -- my hair does delightfully shocking things in high humidity.

Sorry I am not around too much lately... My wrists don't allow me to type as fast or as often as I like to. I have a left wrist brace and am saving up for a right. :-) I am also on a first-name basis, now, with Ibuprofen, Miracle Drug.

Will be back, more often, soon. I hope.

The Savage said...

Pearl, I named a kitten after you... she's all Pearly and stuff.

Kana said...

You speak my truths, Pearl! I got out my summer box two weeks ago; it snowed for 8 days after that bit audacity. I love your bon mots, winter-worn shoulders indeed. The end is near and it looks like a strappy sandal...I shall spread the word!

Daisy said...

Sorry to hear about your wrists Pearl. Hope they are soon better.

Eva Gallant said...

It's 70 here in Maine today...but we don't know if we can trust it...

River said...

LOL@ Yamini MacLean.
Down here in Australia we tend to wear the same clothes all year round, just adding and subtracting layers as winter comes and goes. So there's none of that not-seen-in-months excitement over summer skirts. Sad, in a way.

Diane Tolley said...

(Picture these words said with a mouth full of chew) Sometime, I'll tell you about the three-day May storm that wiped out half the cattle in Southern Alberta. (Head shaking and well-aimed gob hitting the spittoon.) I'll tell you, guurl, those were the days . . .
:)

the walking man said...

I only own Long Johns, jeans T shirts and a couple pair of underwear...oy yeah and five different thickness; of socks. I av spare you a pair of jeans if you really can't find anything you like.

jabblog said...

On the first sunny day of the year you will see Brits out in shorts and tee shirts (not me, I am a Brit but I don't over-expose) The reason is that we may only have one sunny day every few weeks so we - or rather, they - have to make the most of it.
Hope your wrists are improving.

Pat Tillett said...

You folks are made of stronger stock than the ones who live here. Wearing long pants is a major event for me. Not because I'm strong, but rather because we don't have any weather here...

Daisy said...

I so hear you. I just last week finally (tentatively) put away the winter coat. Oh how I hate the winter coat!! Bring on the sandals! :D