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Monday, May 6, 2013

Careful Around the Punch Bowl, There, Karl


Like all right-thinking citizens of the mostly-modern world, I’m on Facebook.

I got tired of people saying things like “didn’t you get the update?” or “oh, we knew about their new dog on Saturday, when they got him. That’s old news”.

So I bought in.

And out they came, every person I’d ever met. Facebook had all kinds of friend suggestions for me, from my junior-high boyfriends to high-school science partners to people I had suspected were dead and/or imprisoned, all with pictures and links and frighteningly angry opinions on everything ranging from how to parent your children to fast food.

Here I thought ol’ FB would be more like a party. You know, we’d chat, share some photos, buy each other a couple of virtual drinks and talk about that screenplay we’re pretty sure we could write if we had more time.

But like every party, I seem to have wandered into the part of the kitchen cordoned off for the politically angry, the porch dedicated to several weeping individuals who want to know WHY WHY WHY, the back steps where a group is (virtual) hugging fervently and passing out (virtual) promises.

I am not among the most readily in touch with my (virtual) emotions and tend to look at these things askance.

And for this – and for using the word “askance” – I will pay.

I offer you this unseemly exchange from a couple weeks back as proof.

Brent - a person I knew a good 15 years ago and now seems prone to sending warm and loving regards to all, sparkling angels, and What Kind Of Elf Would You Be quizzes - posts on his wall: Until you have loved an animal, a part of your soul remains undeveloped.

Pearl - a callus individual I sometimes claim not to know and will refer to here in the third person - responded: And once you have loved an animal and been caught, you have a police record.

I worried about my cynical post immediately, only to have a number of comments of the “LOL” variety follow in quick succession.

Despite the (virtual) validation, I can’t help but wonder: Perhaps FB is a party, just one I don’t understand.

Could I be the turd in the FB punchbowl?

42 comments:

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

The very reason I keep my distance from facebook...I'm SURE to offend someone...again.

Roses said...

I live vicariously through FB.

When I've got a deadline in half an hour, I know there will be something to distract me.

Hey, who put the turd in there? I was going to have some.....

Pearl said...

Delores, it's amazing how many people have no sense of humor. :-)

Roses, I'm quite a lurker myself! :-)

Pat Tillett said...

I know what you mean. Everyone has an opinion and its usually a stupid one.

haphazardlife said...

I have an account, but mostly I can't be arsed to keep up with what's going on, because really, who cares? And personally, I love that you actually use askance.

Lisa Golden said...

Facebook is fun only because of people like you, Pearl. I can't take all that anger, self-righteousness, sanctimony and fervor straight. If it's not cut with some humor, I'd be lost.

Shelly said...

I love to troll FB for just the type of comments you provide, and to laugh where no one else can hear me, because what I'm laughing at is usually not intended to be funny. Warped person, I am.

Hilary said...

I have an account so that I can see photos occasionally, but I really dislike FB and don't get involved by posting. I find it incredibly invasive. Of course if everyone out there was as funny as you, I might rethink my involvement.

jenny_o said...

I keep hearing unflattering things about Facebook so I have remained FB-less and stalwart in my lack of coolness.

You, Pearl, are the PUNCH in the punchbowl. Quite a different thing!

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
Well it's like this, I never was a shallow socialite type in the first place. You just validated why it is I DO NOT wish to book any face.

Never mind askance - it's what's sending the world awry!!!

Luv ya gal. YAM xx (gushy enuff fer ya?) &-?

savannah said...

well, y'all already know how i talk to my MAC about WTF stuff on fb, sugar. if you didn't see my new pictorial mantra there, i'll jes post it to y'all's timeline. xoxoxoxox

Geo. said...

If you don't use askance, you'll never attract any answerance.

The Jules said...

Pleasantly, Bookface does reveal some acquaintances to be like-minded folk with proper senses of humour LOL ROFL PMSL.

Saying that, I have a permanent callous on my fizzog from repeated face-palming.

joeh said...

Arrested for loving an animal? Turd in the punch bowl?

I don't get it!

Silliyak said...

I think this about sums it up for me.
http://news.yahoo.com/comics/non-sequitur-slideshow/

Indigo Roth said...

Hey Pearl! You are, by far, my favourite floater. Roth

ellen abbott said...

it always amazes me when I get a friend request from someone who sneered at and ridiculed me in high school or people who didn't invite me to a single one of their parties. really, you want to be my friend now? I responded to one recent request from a serious conservative right winger ex high school acquaintance with a warning that I was still the same hippie liberal artist I was back then.

Simply Suthern said...

A little hint, That wernt a punch bowl.

Pearl said...

Oh, you people are in fine fettle -- yes, fettle! -- today, aren't ya?!

:-)

LOLing,

Pearl

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

And for this – and for using the word “askance” – I will pay. <-I was thinking "What the heck is 'askance'?" when I read this line. I laughed out loud. And I'd rather have an undeveloped soul than a police record. Very good point, Pearl.

xoRobyn

Kana said...

Don't settle for second, Pearl - you're never a Number Two, punchbowl or no - you'll always be Number One to me! :P I kid.

You're just late to the FB party - everyone else has gotten past the awkwardly polite stage, we're all settled in, found our cliques, and have started to dish. The drinks have been flowing, and we're all just shouting into the din, because everyone else is being SO LOUD.

Silliyak said...

Also, about 2 weeks ago I put a recommendation/link to your blog on my FB page. You may have noticed a downtick in readers.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Ah, Facebook friends. So many people I thought I liked - until election time rolled around.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

I'm constantly having to bite my tongue (or I guess I mean bite my fingers in this case) when it comes to giving sarcastic comment responses to people's ridiculous "serious" posts.

vanilla said...

I think most FBers are well into their libations; have perhaps reached that stage where the loud drunks dominate. It is not a party any longer; it is a brawl. Don't look at me askance.

Leenie said...

Sweety Fairy Quote people quite often seem to have little sense of humor, or just don't understand those of us who appreciate the fine twist of a Bunnies and Unicorn cliche' into a great punch line. I look askance of them in their fine fettle.

Gigi said...

I DESPISE Facebook...yet I have two accounts (one for the blog and a personal one). As you might imagine, though I'm rarely at either, you are more likely to find me at the blog one...funny, those folks seem to "get" me more.

Daisy said...

I have mixed feelings about Facebook. Some days it can be a lot of fun, other days it is downright annoying. I've found certain settings and the blocking feature can come in quite handy for those "friends" that make it annoying. ;)

Sioux said...

Well, if you ARE the turd, you're surrounded by swarms of shit-drinking fans...

The Savage said...

I broke up with Facebook, twice.

First was because it was a bunch of people from high school I didn't talk to in high school and the second time was because it was a bunch of coworkers and relatives I didn't talk to at work and reunions respectively...

Eva Gallant said...

Facebook gives me the opportunity to keep up with pictures of nieces and nephews, etc., but other than that, I 'm not there much. But I did network my blog, so family members who wouldn't read it otherwise, do.

Eva Gallant said...

Facebook gives me the opportunity to keep up with pictures of nieces and nephews, etc., but other than that, I 'm not there much. But I did network my blog, so family members who wouldn't read it otherwise, do.

The Six-Fingered Monkey said...

I think you'll fit in just fine...

HermanTurnip said...

If you're the "turd" then I'm the "wallflower". I signed up for Facebook years ago, but after a week I realized it was more work than fun, and promptly deleted my account. Outside of getting Lazik surgery, that was the best decision I ever made.

Lin said...

It's a love/hate sorta thing. I don't post much, but I do lurk a bit. It's nice to keep up with friends and family far away....but I really don't want to hear what my wacky cousin in Iowa is eating for breakfast or how she is feeling today. TMI is not a good thing I have found.

Murr Brewster said...

I like turds. I think you know that. I would have friended you for life (that's called stalking) for that comment.

River said...

Facebook is one reason why many people don't get more important things done. They send out for pizza because they were too busy faffing about on FB to actually cook dinner.
Not everybody of course, but enough people....

Goldenoldenlady said...

I have been using FB for years, and mostly very happily, but I often say to people who have just joined, remember not to type anything that you wouldn't be prepared to say loudly in a busy bar with a large and livley mix of ages, politics, races and religions present.

I say, by all means pin your colours to the mast, but it's a busy shipping lane, remember.

Your joke was excellent. His slogan was fatuous, he deserved it.

Kymbo Whitford said...

Theres a lot of us Pearl...stranded out there..lost at sea. Bobbing about on our own little page, wondering if that last comment would be taken in the spirit in which it was written and hoping we dont start some kind of weird FB war...

Linda O'Connell said...

I admit I do some time wasting on the wallowers, but mostly I skim the bashers, political junkies and sci-fi posters. You could lose yourself on FB.

Perpetua said...

You've summed up very nicely why I avoid Facebook like the plague, Pearl. Life is just too short for so much information about other people's lives. I've enough trouble keeping on top of my own. :-)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

OH MY GOSH YOU ARE MY FACEBOOK TWIN!
C'mon--I'll stand by you at the punch bowl!